El Pollo
03-09-2007, 02:23 AM
El Pollo is seen sitting in a chair in a large department store, copies of his new book “Escaping the coop: My Life as a chicken in pictures” sitting in front of him. A long line of children are seen queued against a bookshelf, all clutching copies of the book. EL Pollo motions to security for a beak as he spots the WPW camera crew and a burly looking guy in a chicken cap places a hand in front of the line to stop the next kid approaching the Bird-Man. El Pollo waits until the camera is right in front of him, then looks up at the crowd as “El Pollo sucks” is shouted from somewhere nearby, and frustrated parents turn and scowl at the arrogant teen who shouted it. El Pollo sighs in exasperation as he begins his promo.
What must I do? Last week, I laid it out perfectly simple. No more Mr nice chicken. No more being the chicken nugget in a world full of breasts and wings. Sure, kids may love chicken nuggets, but adults treat them with nothing but disdain. When was the last time you went to a good restaurant and saw chicken nuggets on the menu? I empathise with the nuggets, because that’s how I feel. No matter what I do, people won’t take me seriously. Last week, Alex Christopher Diamond rather unoriginally said he was going to sell what was left of me to KFC. What happened to him? I beat him in a matter of minutes.
The oversized chicken tires in vain to scratch his beak with his wing, but gives up and instead pecks some grain from a bowl in the table before slurping at some water in bucket laid by one of the table legs. He pauses for a second as he sees his reflection in the bucket, before remembering what he was doing and turning back to the camera.
So, all was going well until there was some fowl play on Tuesday Night Turmoil. Somebody got a little bit upset when I reminded him that, unlike his superior brother, he was unable to pull out a win. That’s right, Phill Bennett got in a flap because he lost his little God of Live title and thought, as a target, I was pretty much class A. It may surprise you to know that I do not blame Phill for his actions. Jealousy can force a man, or a chicken, to do many things. It must be tough to enter the same profession as your brother and see him excel, while you linger in the doldrums. If I may use an analogy, Jason Bennett is free range, while Phill is cooped up in a battery hut. Is this simply because Jason is infinitely more talented? I doubt it! I feel it is more likely to be because Jason shows each opponent the respect he deserves, whereas Phill thinks he need merely turn up to win. That will be your downfall again this week Phill, for while you look at me and see a joke, I look at myself and see not a chicken, but a prime cock, primed and ready for action. Then again, I hear that is something you enjoy seeing, if you get what I mean. Sure Phill, I may be a chicken, but you’re just a fillet, you’ve got no backbone!
What must I do? Last week, I laid it out perfectly simple. No more Mr nice chicken. No more being the chicken nugget in a world full of breasts and wings. Sure, kids may love chicken nuggets, but adults treat them with nothing but disdain. When was the last time you went to a good restaurant and saw chicken nuggets on the menu? I empathise with the nuggets, because that’s how I feel. No matter what I do, people won’t take me seriously. Last week, Alex Christopher Diamond rather unoriginally said he was going to sell what was left of me to KFC. What happened to him? I beat him in a matter of minutes.
The oversized chicken tires in vain to scratch his beak with his wing, but gives up and instead pecks some grain from a bowl in the table before slurping at some water in bucket laid by one of the table legs. He pauses for a second as he sees his reflection in the bucket, before remembering what he was doing and turning back to the camera.
So, all was going well until there was some fowl play on Tuesday Night Turmoil. Somebody got a little bit upset when I reminded him that, unlike his superior brother, he was unable to pull out a win. That’s right, Phill Bennett got in a flap because he lost his little God of Live title and thought, as a target, I was pretty much class A. It may surprise you to know that I do not blame Phill for his actions. Jealousy can force a man, or a chicken, to do many things. It must be tough to enter the same profession as your brother and see him excel, while you linger in the doldrums. If I may use an analogy, Jason Bennett is free range, while Phill is cooped up in a battery hut. Is this simply because Jason is infinitely more talented? I doubt it! I feel it is more likely to be because Jason shows each opponent the respect he deserves, whereas Phill thinks he need merely turn up to win. That will be your downfall again this week Phill, for while you look at me and see a joke, I look at myself and see not a chicken, but a prime cock, primed and ready for action. Then again, I hear that is something you enjoy seeing, if you get what I mean. Sure Phill, I may be a chicken, but you’re just a fillet, you’ve got no backbone!