The Tale of a Sinner

[The Judge]

Vssssssshhhhhhhhh......

The sound of running water fills the large empty apartment of The Judge this lonely Saturday morning. To the left of the shower lies a clock that looks like it had never been set, as the 12:00 blinks over and over, and never seems to advance to 12:01 like most clocks would. Green eyes glance across the room to a rack which holds a light banana colored towel, which is grabbed only seconds later. The Judge steps out of the shower as he dries himself off, finally bringing the towel to his head as he rubs it against his scalp drying his short, dark brown hair. The Judge then closes his eyes as he drops the towel to the floor instantly, almost like someone would do in a sudden rush of pain, but The Judge stands unmoving, his body obviously fine. The Judge then slowly opens his eyes to stare into the green pools looking back at him in the mirror. He stands there for a moment, not looking away from the mirror, and not looking to his hair, his chest, or anywhere else in the mirror but into his own eyes. Finally he whispers to himself, never looking away.

Judge: I wish I could take it back...

Woman's Voice: But you don't need to...

Judge opens his eyes to look across the classroom, staring at a girl with tight fit blue jeans, shoes that look like they cost a fortune, and a simple black t-shirt with the words "Don't judge a girl by her T-shirt" written on the front.

Judge: But if I could I would...

The Judge speaks to the female next to him, who looks a good three years younger than him and cracking a small smile before continuing and looking over to her.

Judge: It's not like I made a mistake or anything, I mean, I got what I wanted it just... Wasn't what I was expecting...

Young Woman: Why not?

Judge: I guess... Well you know what it's like to set your expectations too high... Right?

Young Woman: Right...

Judge: Yeah, well, just, that... Ya know? I mean it's been three years since it started, and my heart attached itself to her. The fact she said yes... I'll never forget it... Never...

Young Woman: Then why wish you could take it back?

The Judge shrugs as he looks back to the girl across the room, who is now laughing at a joke one of her friends told. The girl then grabs her green backpack and throws it onto the desk in front of her and begins stuffing her books and folder into it after a quick glance up at the clock. Twelve o' Clock.

Judge: I guess just now that it's over... I dunno. It was my dream all throughout high school, and unlike most people my dream actually came true. But now that it's over... I guess I just wonder what's left. What's the next step?

Young Woman: Well you could always ask her to marry you...

The Judge laughs and looks back to the younger girl sitting beside him.

Judge: Going to prom with someone is a little bit differant than marrying them, don't ya think?

Young Woman: Well yeah, duh, but you could at least tell her how you feel...

Judge: Yeah... I could... But I won't.

Young Woman: Why not?

Judge: I'd be wasting my time.

Young Woman: How so?

Judge: Because it would ruin what we have. It'd ruin the friendship.

Young Woman: You said you've loved her for three years.

Judge: Well I have, but I can't help feeling that prom was the climax. I'm still completely amazed I got to take her to prom, but if I could take it all back I would.

Young Woman: But why?

Judge: Because now I have nothing to look forward to. I put my soul into her, and now that high school is ending in three weeks, my soul could potentially be lost forever.

Young Woman: You'll find somewhere your soul can go into.

Judge: Yeah, like what?

Young Woman: Doesn't anything but that girl interest you?

Judge: Sure, wrestling.

Young Woman: Put your soul into a wrestling ring then...

Judge: Put my soul in the ring... I realized the difference between dreams and reality long ago. Looooong ago.

Young Woman: Did you now? Didn't you just say your dream came true when she went to prom with you?

The Judge slips a CD player out of his black backpack.

Judge: ****...

Young Woman: What?

Judge: Left the damn thing on pause. You know the batteries only last like 6 hours as it is. Had my bootleg "Eminem Show" CD spinning "Superman" in there for the last 5 hours.

Young Woman: You're always listening to that CD, I can hear it from your headphones.

Judge: You know you want me baby, I think I want you too... They call me superman, I'm here to rescue you... Oh oops. Well how many CD's can I fit in the player at once?

Young Woman: Wouldn't it be nice if you could just put 100 or so MP3s on some sort of devise and listen to it?

Judge: MP3 Player? ¡Ta loco! That'll never happen. They just smacked down Napster, bet ya anything Morpheus is next...

The Judge takes off the headphones and presses the stop button. He then looks up to the clock and his eye brows curve downward.

Judge: Damn clock is stuck on the twelve... But to answer your question... Yeah you're right my dream did come true... And maybe you're right about all of it... Maybe I do have a shot if I dedicate myself.

Young Woman: Well just make sure as long as you dedicate yourself, you never forget about your friends and your dream girl over there.

Judge: ¡Ta loco! If I ever did that I might as well trade in my sanity as well.

Young Woman: Keep listening to that CD and it'll happen anyway. I still don't understand how you got a copy two weeks before it's released...

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa aahhhhhhhhh!

The Judge quickly jumps up as the aweful sounding school bell rings, flashes one more look to the girl across the room and smiles at her. The girl smiles back and waves before leaving the room, then The Judge turns to the younger woman he was speaking to.

Young Woman: You'll get her... You'll see...

Judge: Well, you have fun with the rest of your school day, us seniors... Well... Us who didn't fail like five classes that is... Are going home...

Young Woman: See ya later Joe.

Judge: Joe?

Young Woman: Well you've sat by me for two weeks, and never bothered to tell me your name...

Judge: Heh... Paul... Or if you prefer Pablo.

Young Woman: I'll take Paul.

The young woman puts the strap of her big pink carrying bag on her shoulder and goes for the door. The Judge throws his folder full of blank paper and half-finished notes into his backpack and quickly reaches out to put his hand on the shoulder of the younger girl he was talking to.

Judge: Now hold on, you ain't gonna get away with telling me your name as well.

The girl looks down and laughs a bit, before seeming to blush a bit and answering...

Young Woman: Candace...

The Judge suddenly reaches forward and throws his fist into the air, smashing the mirror in front of his face. Blood begins freely flowing from his knuckles as the bathroom mirror in front of him lies cracked on the wall, but fails to stop the cold glare of The Judge's green eyes. The lights in the bathroom suddenly flicker off, and only one light stays in the otherwise dark room...

[The Judge]

"Think we're gonna miss it?"

"What?"

Darkness everywhere. Small spots of orange and red glows blast in from the sides, but everything else is just black. There's something relaxing about it actually, something very appealing. When the darkness is there, the worries seem to go away along with the light. Why worry about where this world will take you when you can't even see where you're going? There are so many beautiful things in this world that we all try so hard to save, but in the darkness, there is nothing, and there's no reason to die protecting it.

"What?"

The darkness suddenly fades away into a patchy light blue sky, filled with clouds, a plane passing overhead, and probably plenty of smog that isn't even noticed anymore.

Judge: Sorry... I was just saying you think we're gonna miss it?

Woman: Miss what?

Judge: You know... High school. I know it's only four years, but it feels like we've been here for half our lives, I can barely remember any grade before fourth, and certain years like fifth and seventh are just... Gone...

The young woman lies back into the grass next to The Judge, and smiles a bit as it tickles her bare arm. She looks up at the sky as well just over the football score board and Best Buy sign. Her lips part as she smiles and speaks.

Woman: I have no doubt we'll miss the good times, but thinking about the bigger picture, it'll be nice to move to the next step in life.

Judge: Next step? I don't even know for sure what mine is.

Woman: I thought you were going to El Camino.

Judge: Eh, I suppose, but I don't even know what I want to do there, ya know?

The Judge lets out a small sigh as he watches a plane overhead pass behind a cloud, then looks to the side of him at the woman's face. He looks down a bit to her shoulders, then to the summer dress covering the rest of her. He focuses on one of the red flowers on the dress as she speaks.

Woman: You know, most people don't know what they want, they just try as many different things as they can, and see what comes to them. My father just turned fifty, and he's just barely capitalizing on his dream now.

The Judge continues staring at the flower for a moment, then his eyes move to look back to her face, and into her eyes that still stare upward.

Judge: It's not that I'm completely in the... Dark... About what I want to do though. I know what I want to do, as silly as most people think it is, and I've known it my whole life. It's just that sometimes, well, not all doors are open to walk through, ya know?

Woman: Well would it be too terribly wrong to open the door yourself then?

The woman looks to the side to look into Judge's multicolored eyes.

Woman: That's your biggest problem Paul. You're afraid to take chances, afraid of what you'll lose not even thinking about what you're letting pass you by. You only get one chance at life, why would you limit yourself to living one you're not happy with?

The Judge stays silent for a moment, still staring into her eyes before he looks back down at the red flower, thinking about her words.

Woman: I've never understood that. You are given life, and you get the chance to be anything you want to be, but you're only given the chance once. Why not be what you want, and stop trying to settle for something that seems "safer".

Judge: You don't understand, things can't just happen at a whim like that for everyone like they can for you Stephanie...

Stephanie pushes herself up with her arms, then looks down at The Judge as she raises one eyebrow.

Judge: I didn't mean it like that, it's just money, and my knee, are always going to hold me back. I've driven myself crazy over chasing this dream, and all I have to show for it is a busted knee, a four time broken ankle, and the permanent imprint of rocks and twigs on my back from being slammed in my own backyard, trying desperately to put shows together when only about 6 or 7 others were loyal to the same cause.

Stephanie: I know, I know, I was there when you broke it remember? You tell me like I don't know. Everyone else went off to the mall, but I stayed with you and held that dirty icepack on your ankle for half an hour probally.

The Judge laughs a big, a memory suddenly coming to him.

Judge: And the damn leg still turned purple.

Stephanie giggles remembering as The Judge looks back up to her face and a small smile spreads across his face. She catches his gaze and smiles back, her eyes open and heartfilled.

Judge: I never really thanked you for that. It meant a lot to me that you stayed... And ya know... Went to prom with me and all.

Stephanie: You're thanking me? I should thank you for actually agreeing to face my dad and come to my house to pick me up. I swear, he never approves of anyone, and if he had his way, he'd of taken me to my prom himself.

Stephanie giggles as The Judge shivers.

Judge: Don't remind me Steph. Between that, the weird nude portrait of your mom hanging in the living room that he caught me looking at, and him trying to talk to me for 30 minutes about the danger of backyard wrestling and getting properly trained, all this mind you while I was waiting for you to get into that purple dress, I was as happy to leave the house as I was when I initially arrived.

Stephanie: I think it's cute you two have the whole wrestling thing in common.

Judge: Don't start, the man mumbled something about starting up a fed and there being a place in it for me. Last thing I need is to give my hopes up.

Stephanie: Then don't give them up, but unlike you, my dad doesn't settle for things he doesn't really want in life.

Judge: Hey!

Stephanie: Hey, you got me earlier, a blow for a blow.

The Judge grunts just as another teenager comes running up to the two of them, a filipino man about 5'7".

Judge: What's wrong Mark? Did Mr. Lohman go looking for me?

Mark: No but Candace stopped by the class room wondering where you were.

Stephanie: Candace?

Judge: A freshmen I started talking to a week or two ago in Drama class.

Mark: Annnnnnd, the period ends in like three minutes dude, so you better return that bathroom pass.

Judge: Crap! Alright...

Mark sees someone walking nearby, then runs off to go talk to them as The Judge pulls himself to his feet, then reaches his hand down to Stephanie. Stephanie takes his hand and uses it to stand. As Stephanie stands though her heel slumps a bit in the dirt and she stumbles abit, but The Judge quickly reaches forward and catches her in his arms. He stands there for a moment holding her as she adjusts her foot, then smiles up at him.

Stephanie: Don't worry, no ice needed...

The Judge smiles back at her, and perhaps it was only for three or four seconds, but those seconds seemed to just pause in time as he stared into her crystal blue eyes. She stared back, and whether the moment was shared or not is impossible to know, but it was a good enough one to remember, time and time again...

Judge: And again...

The Judge silently stares at a floral pattern in the wallpaper section of home depot. He smiles as he reaches out and touches a red flower in the pattern, but the smile quickly fades.

Judge: Stop living in the past...

The Judge storms away from the wallpaper, and walks angrily down the isle in home depot as the scene slowly fades.

[The Judge]

THUD!

There was that darkness again... Becoming such an ever-familiar friend. This darkness was different though, because it wasn't just black, but quiet too. Uh oh... This could be bad...............

Voice: We need some help over here!

The darkness fades away, and turns into a very pale green color. Do you know why the color of pale green is painted on walls in places of grief? Because colors dramaticly affect your moods. Red is rumored to make you angry, or if not angry, at least aggressive, as evidenced by how a bull reacts to it. Blue is supposed to make you feel compassionate, sad even at times. Orange makes alot of people happy, it really does. Pale Green? It's supposed to relax you, and make you feel safe. Makes you wonder why people in stray jackets aren't put in pale green rooms then doesn't it? They're put in rooms with white walls, which probally adds to the insanity.

Voice: TJ!

You know, come to think of it, names are funny too. Why do we as people feel the need to choose nicknames, or even have names at all for that matter? When did names start? You can't tell me the first people put on this earth were named Adam and Eve, most likely the first people on earth had no names, and probally generations after them as well. Perhaps they refered to each other in terms meaning "Friend", "Brother", "Sister", "Father", "Daughter", "Stranger". Nicknames were surely given out long before real names ever were.

Voice: TJ! You awake?

Come to think of it, how did humans even know they were supposed to sleep, to eat, to have sex with one another? Is life that random that the first man and the first woman randomly decided to mix and match body parts, and keep it up until one squirts? Or did someone tell them? So many questions, so many answers, yet none that aren't just theories, guesses, or empty promises.

Voice: TJ!

Hey... That's me...

Judge: Huh?

Voice: Holy shit man, you got hit hard!

The Judge looks at the pale green wall, before looking to a tall black male standing over him, and the IV tube sticking out of his arm.

Judge: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore toto.

Calvin: You got that right, you got knocked the fuuuuuug out!

The Judge coughs a bit. A nurse looks over worried, but he then lays back and looks up to the pale green ceiling.

Judge: Tell me we won at least.

Calvin: Oh we won alright. That was a 72 yard return you got before being knocked out at the 15 yard line! THAT, my friend, is why we call you The Judge. Well not the whole getting knocked out part, but getting us in a position to tie the game and win in overtime... That part.

Judge: Glad I could help, rest of the team out partying?

Calvin: Partying? Everyone is here to babysit your ass and spoon feed you peas and carrots from baby food jars. They'd only let one of us up at a time though. We sent Little Jacky to go get some of the banana kind though, we know you're in love with anything involving bananas.

The Judge and Calvan laugh for a moment, but Judge grabs his ribs.

Judge: Ugh, stop.

Calvin: still hurtin eh?

Judge: Still hurtin...

Calvin: I spose you're hurtin too much to see you're girlfriend then too huh?

The Judge's eyes light up.

Judge: Candace is here?

Calvin: Is that her name? I never knew, just always saw her in the stands for all your games.

Judge: Yeah, her name's Candace. Met her right before I left high school.

Calvin: Well I'll go get her for you Judgey boy. Don't fret the rib, it'll heal.

Judge: Yeah yeah, I'll be on that field next Monday, you better believe that!

Calvin nods with a grin on his face and leaves the room. Judge looks up to the ceiling when all of a sudden an image enters his mind, and he's taken completely out of the hospital for a moment. The Judge looks up freightened, standing not an inch over five feet tall as his father looks down on him. He speaks.

Richard: You know, you're going to have to learn son... As much as you try to control your life, and as much as you want to be the writer of your own story, you need to understand that in the end... We're all powerless. Destiny just happens, we can't control it, and we can't fight it... I never meant to break your mother's heart, but when it did happen, it wasn't like I jumped at the first oppertunity God presented me. I tried to change my own fate a hundred times, but the simple fact remains. In the end, we are all only God's puppets, and it's his play son. We'll do what he intends us to do, I just chose to stop fighting it before I became any more miserable as a result...

A young Judge looks up to his father, and speaks in a child's voice.

Judge: But doesn't God love mom too?

The Judge sits and his father kneels in front of him, and puts his hand on his shoulder.

Richard: God loves all of us son... This... What happened... It wasn't to punish your mother. Not that at all. It was to free her. God never intended a wonderful woman like her to be stuck with a man like me. Don't get me wrong Paul, even if I did what God intended for me to do, it doesn't make me a good person, or any closer to him. I've sinned, and one day I hope God will forgive me for it, but I have a feeling he will if I ask him long enough. Just remember son... Dentiny happens whether you like it or not, fighting it, it just wastes everybody's time. And time... Well... Time is the ony thing that no matter what you do, you can never get more of. Don't take it for granted...

The Judge closes his eyes and nods, and before he realizes it, he's nodding in his hospital bed.

Woman's Voice: Don't I wish I knew what you were dreaming about.

The Judge opens his eyes to look at Candace, but when his eyes open he sees stringy blonde hair touching the hair on his chest. He looks up to see not the face of Candace, but the face of Stephanie as she grasps The Judge in her arms and closes her eyes.

Stephanie: I was so worried...

The Judge looks forward for a long moment before he slowly wraps his arms around Stephanie as she holds him in hers. He closes his eyes as well and buries his head in her shoulder.

Judge: I'm sorry...

The memory fades...

[The Judge]

"Shhh, my father might catch us!"

"Let him..."

Life has a funny rating value known as consequence. What consequence does for us, is it let's us grade things so to speak. Depending on how heavy the consequence, is how long or hard we will try to attain something. When something has little to no consequence, usually nothing really stops us from taking it. When something has harsh consequences, it has to be something we really want if we're going to risk ourselves to do it, to take that chance. Wrestling is alot like that, but then again, all the really good things are.

Stephanie: You know what will happen to me if my father catches us? Do you know what will happen to YOU if my father catches us?

Judge: Let me guess, he'll kill me?

Stephanie: Possibly.

The Judge and Stephanie laugh, but Stephanie quickly quiets down and puts her hand over Judge's mouth.

Stephanie: Shhh.. I told you, he wakes up for anything!

Judge: Yeah yeah, shut me up then.

Stephanie: How?

Judge: You know how...

Stephanie covers his mouth and grins as The Judge begins to nibble on her index finger. Her eyes shine at him as the two of them lay in her gigantic king sized bed on top of the pale pink covers.

Stephanie: Like this...?

The Judge bites her finger a little harder.

Stephanie: Okay, okay! Stop!

A creek can be heard from the wall as Stephanie covers her mouth. The Judge looks to the door worriedly for a moment, then grins again as no further noises come from that direction.

Stephanie (whispering): Look at you, you almost got us caught.

Judge: I told ya, silence me then.

Stephanie: No!

Judge: Why not?

Stephanie: Because! He'll hear!

Judge: No he won't...

Stephanie: He's got ears like a cat! His eyes flutter open when you even get close to him.

Judge: Good thing I won't get close to him then huh?

Stephanie: Shhh!

Another creek is heard, this time accompanied by a deep raspy cough. The Judge grins as Stephanie stays cold still. The Judge begins to laugh a bit as he hears a load moan followed by a light snore. Stephanie looks at him and hits him on the shoulder.

Stephanie: Be quiet!

Judge: It's just funny.

Stephanie: I'll show you funny.

Judge: Show me how to be quiet.

Stephanie: If you don't shut up...

The Judge starts talking a bit louder.

Judge: If I don't?

Stephanie: Shhh!!!

The Judge gets even louder again.

Judge: Jeffery?! Oh Mr. Jeffery O'Donnell can you hear me? Jeff I'm lying in bed with your daught-

The Judge is cut off suddenly when Stephanie lunges forward to him and kisses him straight on the lips. The Judge remains wide eyed for a second, then closes his eyes as he kisses her back. What is there to describe about a kiss except tongues meeting one another? Plenty, because the kiss wasn't about the tongues, the lips, or the silence. It was about desire. Wrestling wasn't the only thing The Judge wanted out of this life, and it wasn't the only thing he was willing to risk it all for. Consequences may have been high, but the reward? Well, it's hard to say, since it never happened...

The Judge opens his eyes and looks forward to see dark brown hair before him. He blinks for a moment before looking at the clock, and sighs as he sees it blinking 12:00 again. The Judge sits up and reaches for his cell phone, then walks over to the clock to reset it when the dark haired woman rolls onto her back to look over at him.

Candace: Paul? What are you doing?

The Judge continues setting the clock for the proper time, three hours later.

Judge: Nothing sweety, the damn clock reset itself again.

Candace: Again? Why do all your clocks keep doing that?

Judge: I don't know... Go back to sleep sweety...

Candace rolls back over into her pillow as The Judge finishes up the clock, then walks out of the room and heads toward the bathroom. He takes in a deep breath as he gets to the bathroom door and opens it before walking into a tiny bathroom which barely has room for the sink, toilet, and bath tub together. He turns on the hot water and lets it run for a moment to get warm. The Judge looks up to the mirror and sees grey eyes staring back at him. He takes in a deep breath as he touches his bare chin, and moves his fingers to his lips.

Judge: Yep... Just a dream...

The Judge puts his hand under the tap to feel the water warm now.

Judge: Thank God...

The Judge cups his hands under the tap, then splashes the water on his face. He opens his eyes to look back into the mirror, and his face now hosts a light brown goatee. The circles under his eyes appear a bit darker, and the hair on his head is much shorter. The Judge blinks a moment as he continues to look into the mirror, then without another word turns his back on it and walks out of the bathroom.

[The Judge]

"Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in......"

The average adult male takes between fourteen and eighteen breaths per minute while he sleeps, and between twelve and twenty when he's awake. Some people have the belief that you only have so many breaths in you before you can't take anymore. Some people believe you're born with this number, that the second you pass the number you instantly cease to live. Some refer to this as fate, others call it destiny, and broken down even more what both of those are is simply a predetermined set of events that suggest there is a fixed natural order to the universe. Is destiny real? Does fate exist? Are the choices we make day to day really not choices we make on our own, and are we destined to make them even if we believe we are not? In truth, it's impossible to prove either way whether destiny exists, but if it does, what's my number? How many breaths can I take before I pass that number, and what would happen to this so called "fate" if I found out the number? The average adult male takes between thirty and fourty breaths after running a mile, so does that mean if I run I can speed up the process? Everyone always said I ran from my problems, but now that I know it can lead to my demise, maybe I should run faster...

Voice: You're running like the devil's chasing you...

The Judge takes in a deep breath as he stands up straight and turns to face where the voice came from. He smiles seeing a relativly short asian man and reaches out his hand to slap the hand of his friend.

Judge: One can hope right? So what brings you back into the light?

The Judge laughs a bit looking to his friend, a man named Mark Fronda. Mark and Judge went to high school together and even lived together for a short time. Mark and Judge had similar interests, but different levels of dedication. When Mark was kicked out of his house over what some would consider a ridiculas reason, he moved in with The Judge and got to play Warcraft whenever he wanted. The Judge smirks a bit at the memory of coming home from school and finding his friend sitting at the computer, unaware anyone has entered the room until the loud slam of the screen door would shake him. Mark later straightened up and went off to the Navy, something The Judge always respected about him. At least one of the two of them followed his dreams.

Mark: It's Tuesday morning!

Judge: So?

Mark: It's update time, the game won't be back for a few hours.

Judge: Right, I should have known. So how have you been?

Mark looks through his Oakley's at the quarter-mile dirt track behind The Judge. A chain link fence surrounds the park area of Rodgers Middle School, a school that both men attended in what feels like a lifetime ago.

Mark: Not bad, the boat doesn't take sail again until January, so that gives me plenty of time to level up the hunter before I go. Do you still play your warrior anymore? I never see you.

Judge: Honestly I havn't been playing any kind of games lately anymore.

Mark: Why not?

Judge: Not in the mood I guess... Just kinda feels like a waste of time at the end of the day.

Mark: Well, it's supposed to be fun, not like you'd do anything else with the time you put into it is there?

Judge: I guess not. It just feels like... I dunno... Like I havn't really gone anywhere I wanted to go, or do anything I wanted to do.

Truth is, if the destination was "no where" it was pretty easy to get there, and pretty hard to get back out. Motivation is funny how it works really because when it's there you can be damn near invincible... But when it's not, it's really really not. A lack of motivation is just about as healthy for you as chopping off a leg, but at least if you go with the chop you still have one more leg to get you where you need to be. Something that isn't very well known, and rarely ever understood is the drive and desire to be a professional wrestler. How do you explain a desire to compete in what many would consider a "fake" sport? How do you let people know how strong your desire is when the only televised versions of what you want to do are considered embarrising on their best days? The desire to be a professional wrestler has nothing to do with divas, ratings, and joining Kiss My Ass clubs. The desire is for something so much more. The feel of the live crowd, the feel of adrenaline that pumps through your body. You just can't describe that... Love.

Mark: How hard have you tried?

Judge: Not too hard I guess... You remember Stephanie?

Mark: She's all you talked about through practically all of high school, how could I forget her?

Judge: Well... She's actually gonna give me a call later today... Her father is supposivly starting up some new promotion or something, she thinks maybe if he does he'll offer me a job.

Mark: Is that how you want it?

Judge: It wasn't how I had planned on "breaking into the business" so to speak, but it is an oppertunity, and I don't see any other ones around.

And honestly, I'm not sure I'd even look if I got the chance to be...

Mark: Be what?

Judge: ...What?

Mark: You said you're not sure you'd look if you got the chance to be something.

Judge: ...I said that out loud?

Mark: Uh... Yeah. Be what? A professional wrestler?

Judge: ...Yeah... Yeah a professional wrestler... Ya know?

Mark: Yeah, sure. Anyway though bro, I gotta get back, the updates end in about twenty minutes. I don't see your car here, you need a lift?

Judge: Nah... I think I'll run.

And run I did. Sometimes I feel like I'm still running. Looking back at it now, I still can't say I regret taking the job. It was the right thing to do, and it was the right career move. I think where I went wrong is forgetting to keep running. Some people just aren't meant for this world, and the faster I get those breaths out the longer I avoid a hazardous situation...

Judge: But of course... I didn't do that... Did I...?

The Judge, now in present day, brings his knife down to cut a slice off of a large piece of ham, his eyes focused on the knife as almost a hint of a smile spreads across his face as it reaches the bottom, and he closes his eyes before saying.

Judge: Breathe Out......

[The Judge]

Your first day at work is always the most interesting. It's the day when you first meet everyone that you will be working aside. Will they like you, will they hate you, does it matter? Work isn't all about the people you meet though, it's also about asking yourself a very valuable question. What have I gotten into? Is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? If this isn't what I want to do, how long am I willing to put up with it before I move on? Luckily, in some jobs that question is answered before going in. These jobs are called dream jobs. What are dream jobs? There are no defined specific jobs, it changes with everyone, but mine has always been to be a professional wrestler, no matter what company, no matter what ring, just to be inside one... And my dream is finally coming true...

Male Voice: Well I'll be damned, if it isn't The Judge.

The Judge looks up and smiles as he sees the face of an old friend.

Judge: Nice to see ya Unleashed, you sign a contract here too?

Unleashed: I sure did. I gotta say, I'm surprised to see you here. After I saw you in those training classes a few years back and you just sorta... Dissappeared, I thought you gave up. Thought you decided wrestling wasn't for you.

Judge: Well, I'm probally as surprised to be here as you are to see me. Truth is, I never did go back. It wasn't that I lacked motivation, but there was no way I could afford any more sessions than I took. Kinda silly how many people will get in your face about "getting trained" when it costs a fortune to do it.

Unleashed: Well, there are cheaper ways, but I know what you mean. If you never went back to training, how'd you land this job?

The Judge looks to his side for a moment where the office of Jeffery O'Donnell is.

Judge: Truth is, the owner's daughter and I went to high school together. She always knew this was a dream of mine, she even went to a handful of the backyard events we had in our senior year. Her dad agreed to offer me a contract if I could prove to him that I could wrestle a decent match without making many mistakes, and I didn't make any... So yeah, contract ain't high, but it's not about the money, ya know?

Unleashed: Oh, I know. You get a 6 monther too?

Judge: Yep, I think he wants to be sure PCW will still be around for a long time before offering up longer ones. Hell... Did you see who else is backstage? I know you had to see him!

Unleashed: You talkin bout Jarrett?

Judge: Jeff Jarrett, he's the one.

Unleashed: Not impressed. Never been a fan of the man. You seen the card yet? You're facing someone who's fame probally exceeds Jarrett's.

Judge: Really? Who?

Unleashed: Heh... Dennis Rodman.

Judge: What? No kidding?

Unleashed laughs a bit before he covers his mouth, The Judge cracks a grin as well.

Unleashed: No kidding.

It hit me. I didn't just score a dream job with a wrestling promotion. I had a chance to make it big. Dennis Rodman was a joke sure, but imagine the name recognition he brings with him... I could be known as the man who pinned Dennis Rodman in the middle of the ring, maybe even get my name in a newspaper or two. When I first joined PCW I was happy for the oppertunity, and forever grateful to Stephanie for getting me the job, but it wasn't until the moment I heard I was facing Dennis Rodman that I really started to think that maybe now I'm finally going places. Maybe now I can become what I've always dreamed of becoming, and reach heights I thought were only a dream before.

Unleashed: So you went to school with her?

The Judge stands there daydreaming for a moment before he looks to Unknown.

Judge: Huh?

Unleashed: The boss' daughter...?

Judge: Oh, yeah. We graduated together. I'm not sure if she's here or not, I was hoping to see her before my match tonight.

Unleashed: Lookin to get a good luck kiss?

The Judge looks sternly to Unleashed.

Judge: What makes ya ask something like that?

Unleashed laughs a bit and puts his hand on The Judge's shoulders.

Unleashed: You don't have to be a genius to figure out you dig the girl. Hell, your eyes light up every time you mention her, and your voice gets a little lighter.

Sometimes you can go through you're entire lifetime without knowing you love someone. This wasn't one of them. Damnit! I mean, it's not like I was unaware that I still had feelings for her, but for someone else to notice without even seeing us together is pretty bad. If he noticed, then what will happen when Stephanie and Candace finally meet face to face, especially since Candace knows there were past feelings in the first place. Oh man, another thing I'm gonna have to work on, another emotion I'm going to have to try to hide, another person that-

Unleashed: Well, I gotta go Judge.

Judge: Huh? Oh... Ok. Nice seeing ya man, maybe depending on how things go we can form a tag team.

Unleashed: Sounds like a plan, better clear it with the bosses daughter after you get that kiss though.

Ugh...

Unleashed: See you around Judge.

We can just act like it never happened. I mean hell, no one else knows, shouldn't be too hard to contain it to one person.

Judge: Yeah... Problem solved.

Unleashed suddenly yells out.

Unleashed: Uh oh, here she comes now! Don't turn so red Judge!

The Judge looks quickly to Unleashed. Stephanie walks through the parking lot doors either actually not hearing Unleashed, or acting like she didn't, as Judge does actually turn red as janitors and camera crew look over to him, look to Stephanie O'Donnell, then chuckle to themselves as Judge mutters under his breath before he turns and walks away, not stopping to talk to her.

Judge: Great...

Voice: And did she ever find out?

The Judge looks up. He is sitting in a room in present time talking to a therapist as the man before him speaks.

Voice: Your wife. Did she ever find out you and Stephanie slept together?

The Judge angrily stands. He looks at the therapist for a long moment, then yells at him.

Judge: We did not sleep together!

The Judge turns and storms out of the office as the therapist remains sitting jotting down notes and popping a tic tac into his mouth. Judge walks quickly to the parking lot and opens the door to his yellow mustang. The Judge throws himself behind the wheel and sits there for a moment as the mid-day sun glares off the windshield. Judge stares blankly ahead for a long moment before putting his seat back and closing his eyes.

If only dreams lasted...

[The Judge]

Very often through out a man's life he finds himself making decisions he wouldn't normally make. Whether the reasons be stress, whether they be love, or any other number of potential factors, the term "out of character" can be applied to almost everyone at least once in their life, and usually many more times. Some people rebel against theirselves in small fashions, usually people who take it easy as it is. A mechanic with oil soaked overalls may one day decide to start washing up more. A contruction worker with a firm handshake may suddenly decide to put lotion on his hands one day, and do it the rest of his life for no reason other then he wanted a change. A computer nerd may suddenly start working out, get in good shape, yet still have no idea how to throw a punch. A man who always wears his caps forward may turn them back for a week or two. Changes can come in many shapes and ways, but it's the drastic ones that gather the most attention, and usually affect you in the worst kind of ways.

The question rises... If one completely changes that what makes him who he is... Will the people around him accept the change in him, or will they walk away missing the man he was?

As the camera fades open and the room blurs into the camera shot, tons and tons of dollar bills, quarters, dimes, nickles, and pennies as well as even some gold bars refelcting an afternoon light from the window are shown in the camera shot. The whole room is filled with money, and in the corner of the room The Judge sits back on a chair with his feet up on the desk, he stares at the camera for a moment, then a wide grin fills his face.

I still remember that day... The day is all changed... The day I lost the very last aspect of what made me who I was... The day I lost my mind...

Judge: Hello Sinn...

It started with Sinn... It all started with Sinn... That fateful day when I decided to stand up for the company that gave me a job, the company that pulled me out of depression, Sinn and his buddies from UCW pulled me right back in... I miss the feeling... What it was like before... It's hard to miss it anymore though, I'm not even sure I remember how it felt to not have a burden weighing down on my soul.

The Judge takes his feet off the desk and then leans forward as his smile widens.

Judge: I saw your little video on PCW's Website, and I gotta say you deserve a round of applause.

The Judge begins clapping his hands, as he breaks out into a bit of a laugh before leaning back in the chair again and proping his feet back up.

Judge: I mean I always knew you were tough, but after the way you manhandled that ham... Wow... I mean that scared me. No really it scared me Sinn, it had me shaking in my boots. It was a good thing I was wearing dark pants because I never thought in a hundred years you would ever be able to execute The End on a ham...

The End... It never ended. I only faced him once, but still today he haunts me... I want freedom, and all I get is more memories. More memories of that day... That one day...

The Judge stands up and suddenly the smile fades.

Judge: A ham Sinn... Was I supposed to be impressed? Was that supposed to scare me? Was that supposed to show me something that I may have overlooked? A ham Sinn! I have news for you, at Adrenaline you're not going to be facing a dead ass cheek of a pig, you're going to be facing me! The Judge! And I have something to show you today Sinn...

The Judge stands and opens his arms, taking a few steps back in the room.

Judge: I'm sure you're wondering what all this is, since I doubt with your contract you make much of it yourself. This Sinn, is the money I've made while under PCW contract. All of this, is what I earned in my time here. To be specific, surrounding me is one hundred, thousand dollars. Yeah I can see the money symbols in your eyes light up you greedy son of a bitch, but so you're wondering no I'm not putting the money on the line against you.

The sad thing is, it was a lie... All of it. One hundred thousand dollars? Who was I kidding. Sure I made some of it in PCW, but half of that money was made long before I stepped in a PCW ring, and truth be told, I had saved it up since I had first started work. Sure, I made the pot look bigger, and sure, that day I rid myself of the sin... But I didn't do it the right way, the honorable way, or the smart way...

The Judge smiles as he walks toward the camera.

Judge: Now if I was a man with true class I'd donate this money to a charity... I almost did but when I entered I felt a feeling of pride overtake me... You remember pride? The first sin? I couldn't let that come back now could I? But how would I get rid of the sin I face today?

The Judge's smile widens a bit more as he gets that crazed look in his eyes again.

Judge: Avaritia. You know what means Sinn, c'mon think! It means greed, a desire to possess more than one has need or use for. It's the 5th deadly sin Sinn. And it's the next step to my salvation.

A salvation that never came... That was supposed to be the ticket, that was supposed to be my last act before I could finally lead a new life... I lead a new life after that day alright, a lonely one. Getting rid of money may seem superficial, but it was more then that. That money wasn't the only thing that went up in smoke that night...

The Judge takes a step back from the camera as he reaches down to grab something below the camera.

Judge: And like I said... If I can't donate the money without feeling pride, and I can't keep the money without feeling greed, something has to be done with the money now doesn't it?

The Judge then pulls up a small red container as everyone watching off camera moans in unison. The Judge pours gasoline all over the room, the money, and the desk he was sitting at. He then drops the container and walks back to the camera as he reaches into his pockets.

Judge: Three Days Sinn... Three Days...

The Judge then pulls out a match and with an evil sounding laugh he strikes it against the wall and throws it into the ground. The entire room engulfs in flames as The Judge steps out. The dollar bills can be seen turning to ashes as the room continues to burn brightly. Eventually the flames make their way to the camera and after a fuzzy transmission for a few seconds the live feed is cut off as the camera sets aflame.

Voice: Three days until what?

The Judge looks up, for the first time his eyes seeing his actual surroundings, and not his past ones.

Judge: A stupid match.

The Judge looks to his therapist as the therapist blinks and puts his pen and pad down, then folds his hands over top one another.

Dr. White: You didn't do all that over a match Mr. Vincent...

The Judge pauses and thinks for a moment, and then closes his eyes again.

Judge: No... I didn't.

Dr. White: Then why don't you tell me what that really was all about...

The Judge hesitates again, his mind holding onto the answer, but his lips not wanting to say it.

Judge: Hate...

Dr. White: You hated Sinn?

Judge: ...No, I hated myself. I hated everything about myself. I hated my life, where it had gone, and where I knew it never would go because of the choices I made. I hated that I was in a company, supposed to be living out my dream, but I couldn't enjoy it. How many people can sit in front of you and say that Dr? How many people can say they were doing what they love, along side the person that they l...

Wait...

A long pause... The Judge chokes over his words for a moment as he thinks.

Dr. White: Along side the person that they love?

Judge: I didn't say that.

Dr. White: Well it seemed like you were about to.

Judge: But I didn't say it.

Dr. White: Mr. Vincent, you need to let it all out, you need to be honest, no one is judging you in here.

Judge: No! People are judging me, people are always judging me. I've been judged for every choice I've made my whole life, I've been watched, and analyzed, and everyone was quick to judge and leave me high and dry when something went wrong! Never a thank you for the times I was there, just a damn "where were you" when I wasn't!

Dr White: From Candace?

Judge: From everyone! Not once was I able to just live my life the way I wanted to live it, I was always trying to be what someone else wanted, so when I finally did get to live my dream, I was never living it at all. Sure, I was flying with the other birds, but I was always still inside the cage! ALWAYS!

The Judge takes a moment to catch his breath, and then he abruptly just storms out of the room tossing two hundred dollars to the clerk on his way out. She tries to stop him, but there wasn't a voice he could hear right now except for the one in his mind.

"You need to be honest". Those words stuck with me... "You need to be honest".

It's too late for that now...

[The Judge]

John: I don’t believe it, The Judge pulled it off! He got the pin, he got the win over Big Ray Williams! PCW is alive and well Nathan, Ray Williams couldn’t get the job done!

Nathan: That was something else, John – Ray Williams has been defeated! Can you believe it?!

The medics help Judge onto the stretcher and roll him up the rampway, meanwhile Dr. Becksman approaches and tries to subdue a seething Ray Williams in the ring –

Dr. Becksman: Come on, Ray. Next time eh? And you must admit, that move he just done was pretty…

Ray swipes him aside with his massive arm and the Doc takes a terribly clumsy bump out of the ring, clattering to the floor in the most ungainly fashion a non-worker can. Ray steps over the top rope and approaches Judge and the medics on the entrance ramp.

John: Oh no, this isn’t right, somebody stop that monster!

Nathan: Too late John, if Dr. Becksman couldn’t stop him who can?!

Ray swats the medics aside and kicks the stretcher with all his might, it spins around then tumbles over, Judge crashing down to the steel ramp way. Ray picks him up and delivers the Powerbomb, right on the entrance ramp! The crowd recoil in horror as the gut-wrenchingly sick clang echos around the Garden.

John: Now we’ve seen it all. That is absolutely sickening.

Nathan: Well John, even I have to agree with you. That was just wrong, and I think Judge is seriously hurt.

The crowd gasp in horror, then chant ‘Holy ****!’ in dumbstruck unison. Judge is out cold as more medics scramble around him, calling for assistance and making all sorts of secret hand gestures indicating stuff like 'this doesn't look good' and 'massive hospital bills pending'. Big Ray Williams raises his arms and lets out a loud bellowing laugh. The crowd boo as he makes his exit back up the ramp, medics eventually get the stretcher back the right way up but the crowd are treated to the gruesome sight of Judge, spluttering for breath, coughing up blood, his face barely recognisable under the crimson mask.

People like to speculate on things they don't understand. They like to guess, they like to ponder, they like to make up events that may or may not have happened just for the sole of curing their boredom. Wrestling is just as bad as celebrity gossip. Stories are created all the time, theories about what's going on backstage. Who's dating who, who dislikes who, who sucks up to the boss, and who is actually injured. Sometimes the stuff is true, probally more than anyone wants to admit. Sometimes it's anything but true. As a journalist you have to keep the news coming or guess what? You're out of a job. I don't blame people for thinking Ray Williams could have been the one to put me out. I mean let's face it, he powerbombs me on the ramp, and that's the last the fans see of Judge. Even if it wern't true, it woulda been a huge notch on Williams' belt, assuming he'd actually stuck around that is. But what really happened that night, what really put me in the hospital, wasn't Ray Williams. Oh no, I left Madison Square Garden on my own that night. I didn't leave with an ambulance full of paramedics, I left the same way I arrived, alone.

Stephanie: You SURE you're alright?

Judge: Well I was a whole lot better before I got powerbombed on the ramp, but yeah, I'm fine.

Stephanie: Pinky promise me...

Judge: Aw Steph, c'mon...

Stephanie holds out her hand, her pinky extended to Judge as the corner of his lips curl up on one side of his face, smirking through the pain as he looks to the hand in front of him.

Stephanie: Pinky promise me.

The Judge puts his hand out, rolls his eyes, and hooks his pinky around hers as she patiently waits.

Stephanie: Well...?

Judge: What?

Stephanie: Say it.

Judge: I promise I'm ok.

Stephanie: No...

Judge: I pinky promise I'm ok. There, ya satisfied?

Stephanie smiles.

Stephanie: It'll do... For now...

Driving in New York traffic is a pain in the ass, and that's coming from someone who grew up in Los Angeles. Two different cities, and the traffic are two different deamons. You see in Los Angeles you need skill to drive, no joke. It's good to be paranoid because you have to watch every car at all times, and that's no easy feat. You're playing dodge the car no matter where you go, but in New York it's totally different. In New York you're just waiting... And waiting... And waiting...

HONK!

Judge: Huh? What?

HOOOOOONNNNK!

The Judge looks up as cars begin cutting him off and the green street light shines overhead. He suddenly floors the gas causing his car to screech as he speeds up and moves up another few spaces before ending up right in a chunk of traffic again.

Judge: Right, that was really worth it...

HOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNK

...Now what?

Angry Driver: Stupid Californian!

That's it...

The Judge gets out of his car as the driver behind him suddenly looks forward in fear.

Judge: You want me to show you how we do this where I'm from?!

The Judge reaches into his coat as the New Yorker puts his hands up terrified.

Driver: I have a family!

The Judge stops and looks around him. The city that never sleeps, no lie, a thousand eyes at the very least are watching him now, and that's not even counting the brown ones. The Judge makes sure to smirk as he clutches the tic tacs in his pocket before getting back to his car.

Ding...
Ding...
Ding...
Ding...
SLAM!

Just keep driving... You're almost out of the traffic, drive off into the night. Forget about Ray Williams, forget about the fan response to your match. Forget about the pain shooting through your lower back, it'll go away, you'll be fine. You're always fine in the end.

Judge: In the end, we're all only God's puppets. Fate just happens... Right dad?

I drove that night... And I drove... And then I drove some more. I don't really know where I was going, not like I had anywhere to drive to. Adrenaline was a week away, I had time, something my dad had run out of when he delivered me that message. A whole day passed and I was still driving. Obviously I stopped for gas, I stopped for Burger King once, just like I did when I drove a thousand miles to get to my dad's feuneral, but this burger didn't taste as good as that one did. This one didn't have any taste at all. I remember thinking "what's wrong with me?". This time I also wasn't leaving Los Angeles, and as it turns out, without even trying that's exactly where I ended up...

Judge: Hello?

The Judge listens as his voice echoes through the empty house, his empty house.

Judge: Candace?

The Judge looks around the house which hasn't been completely cleaned out yet, but was damn near close.

Judge: Anyone...?

It wasn't like I forgot... Just hoping... Maybe.

The Judge kneels down in his hallway, seeing a photograph with a burned corner lying underneith a skeleton of a cabinet. Judge picks it up and looks at the back of the photograph where at the bottom is written "August, 2002". The Judge flips it over to gaze at the photograph of he and Candace at the beach. A small smile spreads across The Judge's face as he looks the the picture remembering.

Judge: I held that camera above our heads, it took us five shots to get it right with that little digital camera of mine. You liked the end result so much we printed it out...

The Judge laughs a bit as he continues to talk to himself.

Judge: I still remember my mom walking into the room as this shot took it's cycle on the screen saver. She just kind of looked at the screen, then look away real quick. It was always weird like that in the begining, both of us acting like we had something to hide.

The Judge puts his thumb over Candace's face on the photograph and slowly runs it up and down her cheek.

Judge: You always thought in the begining I was ashamed of you because of some reason or another. You always thought I was embarrased because of the age gap, but I never was. I was never embarrised or ashamed of our relationship for a second. It was just something... New... I'd never been in anything this serious before. I'd never tried something like this before... And I never knew how to tell you about...

The Judge swallows hard. He pauses for a moment as tears swell up in his eyes remembering the day.

Judge: Tell you about... Her...

SLAM!

The Judge jumps and looks toward the kitchen. He takes the photograph and slips it into his pocket as he silently moves back through the hallway and the living room toward the kitchen where he heard the noise. The Judge takes in a deep breath as he steps out from around the corner only to see a cat in the kitchen drinking water from one of those self-refilling water dishes for cats. The cat looks up and sees Judge and quickly makes a break for the backdoor jumping back out of the door and causing the flap to make another slam noise like the one he just heard. The Judge lets out a breath of air he was holding in.

Judge: Damn strays...

It's time...


~Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame~


The lyrics to Sia - Breathe Me play in The Judge's yellow mustang as he turns the car back on sitting in his drive way looking at his old house for the last time. The Judge takes in a deep breath before he takes the picture out of his pocket and places it in the glove compartment. The Judge smiles and then looks back to the house, staring at it for a long moment before whispering.

Judge: Goodbye...


~Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe~


The Judge backs out of the driveway taking one last look at the house that's been his home all his life. The home he grew up in, the home he watched his parents seperate in, the home he and Candace eventually inherited, and the home where many lives lived before and with him, and died.

Judge: Thank you...

The Judge drives down the street away from the house. He closes his eyes for a moment to blink the tears out of his eyes, then reaches over to go into the glove compartment to take the photo out again. He smiles when he takes the photo out and stops at the corner a little past the curb. The Judge then flips down the visor above his head and overtop the mirror he puts the photo.


~Warm me up... And breathe me...~

Suddenly a blue bus with the word "MAX" written on the side of it slams into the drivers side of The Judge's yellow mustang. The mustang is spun completely around and the only thing stopping the spin of the car is the axle crunching up as the front tire on the right side of the car hits the curb. The car spins so much that the wing on the back of the car ends up getting smashed by the length of the bus as well.

The bus comes to a complete stop...

The car comes to a complete stop...

The Judge looks to the picture above his head before his tear filled eyes flutter shut.

The Judge smiles...

[The Judge]

[/URL]


Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm still alive, or that I have to listen to that damn sound...

[URL="http://www.wrestlepower.net/"]Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

Beep... (http://www.wrestlepower.net/)

It honestly baffles me that with all the advances in medicine and science we've had that we haven't been able to replace this... Noise... Yet.

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

Beep... (http://www.wrestlepower.net/)

I think the problem is the people inventing these things aren't the ones who have to lie in the bed and listen to it. Why can't it start beeping if I'm already dead or something? Who would it bother then? No one. Maybe if I just try to ignore it I can go back to sleep... Nothing bothers me when I'm asleep... Sleep...

"I got here as fast as I could..."

Oh no... I'm not ready for this... I'm not ready to do this now.

"I didn't even hear about it until late last night... I took the next flight I could get... You look better than I thought you would. Better than your car looks.

I've looked better...

"Are you awake?"

No.

Judge: ...Yes.

The Juge opens his eyes. He looks straight up to see the hospital ceiling obstructed only by the view of his IV tube connecting to the liquid going into his arm. He rolls his eyes down to look beside his bed toward where he heard the voice. The Judge smiles slightly, but the smile is forced and fake, and the woman standing before him suddenly bursts into tears and lunges forward wrapping her arms around a bedded Judge. Judge wraps his arms around her as he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath of her hair.

I missed you...

Stephnaie: I was so terrified when I heard what happened to you! Everyone said you were ok, but the car looked so terrible. I was sure people were just trying to make me feel better.

Stephanie burries her head in Judge's shoulders as tears stream down her face. The Judge wraps his arms as tightly around her as he can but whether it was the wreck or the drugs his arms don't have much strength.

Please stay... Please don't go...

Stephanie: ...You pinky promised me you'd be ok...

The Judge smiles a little.

Judge: No, I pinky promised you I was ok then, not that I'd still be ok later.

Stephanie pulls back.

Stephanie: This is not a time for jokes! I almost lost you!

You'd have been better off...

Judge: You'd have been better off.

Fuck, did I say that out loud?

Stephanie: You're lucky you're in a hospital bed right now because if you wern't I'd slap you! Do you know what the doctors told me? They told me you broke your femur. That's the big upper leg bone.

The Judge smirks.

Judge: Yeah... I'm aware.

Stephanie: You're lucky you didn't lose your leg! In fact, they said if you had been an inch... Just one inch further forward than you were, the top of the car would've crushed your skull and you'd have died. Did you know that?

No.

Judge: Of course I did. See, I was being careful for you.

Stephanie lunges forward and slaps The Judge's hand. The Judge looks up at her with a smirk on his face but all Stephanie has is tears in her eyes. The Judge's smirk fades and turns into a frown.

Judge: Sorry...

Sorry I didn't die...

Stephanie: It's ok. Just the thought of losing you... I guess I just didn't realize how important you are to me. I take for granted the fact that we work together perhaps, and that you're probally the only link to my past that I still talk to. You're the only one who knows the real me, and not the me everyone thinks they know. Ironic you go by the name you do, because I think you're the only person who's never judged me. You're the only one who's ever looked past the fact that my dad was rich and saw me for something other than a spoiled brat or a girl to date hoping there'd be a big cash return in the end. You've just always seen me for who I really am, and when I heard you got in an accident, I felt as if a piece of me could've gone away forever.

Tears stream from Stephanie's eyes as she looks at Judge's. Between gasps she finishes talking then kneels down beside him. Stephanie reaches up and grabs Judge's hand as she continues crying kneeled beside him.

Judge: Steph...

Stephanie: I'm sorry...

Judge: Why? Sorry for what?

Stephanie: I'm sorry I let you leave alone that night... I should've gone with you, I knew you were hurt. I knew... I knew you were hurting.

Judge: Steph.

Stephanie: I knew what was going on with you, I knew you were driving yourself crazy trying to help PCW.

Judge: Steph...

Stephanie: I knew that she left you...

Judge: Steph!!!

Stephanie looks up at Judge. The Judge stares into her crystal blue eyes and the two of them share one of those moments... The kind of moment where time freezes, the surroundings fade, and for just the few seconds that it lasts it feels like an eternity is going by around them. A tear forms in The Judge's eye as he looks into Stephanie's tear filled eyes.


Those were the longest five seconds of my life... (http://www.wrestlepower.net/)


Stephanie pushes herself up toward The Judge. Her hands clutch his hand as he moves her face toward his. The Judge continues staring into her eyes as her eyes don't flinch and continue staring into his. Stephanie's face gets closer... And closer...

I still don't know why I did it...

Stephanie closes her eyes and moves her face in the rest of the way but The Judge leans his forehead forward to lightly touch hers. The two of them stay that way for a long moment just breathing the same air as one another until Judge finally whispers.

Judge: Stephnaie...

Stephanie: Yeah?

Judge: Steph...

I love you...

Stephanie: Yeah?

The two keep their eyes closed, their foreheads pressed against one another's.

Judge: She didn't leave me...

The two stay silent for a moment, neither moving, Stephanie still holding tightly onto his hand.

Stephanie: I thought she did...

She did...

Judge: She was there when I got home.

No she wasn't...

Judge: She's probally there right now sleeping.

No she's not...

Judge: In fact, she was here not too long before you showed up.

She didn't come. She won't come...

Stephanie clutches The Judge's hand even tighter.

Stephanie: I'm sorry.

Judge: Don't be.

Stephanie opens her eyes and gives The Judge a small smile as he opens his as well. She brings one of her hands up to caress the side of his face, then stands and whipes away her tears.

Stephanie: I didn't mean to come in here crying like a baby. I didn't want to upset you.

Judge: How could I bet upset that somebody cares about me?

Stephanie smiles at The Judge, then reaches down and grabs his hand again.

Stephanie: I'm sure you'll be better in no time, just you wait and see.

Judge: Yeah... No time at all.

Stephanie looks to the door, partly to mask a rogue tear streaming down her face. She whipes it hoping The Judge won't see then smiles as she looks to him again.

Stephanie: I better go, ya know, Adrenaline is tomorrow night, gotta get on a flight back. I want you to come back as soon as you're physically able though, yeah?

Judge: Yeah... No doubt.

Stephanie then quickly leans in and kisses Judge on the cheek. The Judge looks up to her as she smiles and says the last words he'll hear from her voice in a long time.

Stephanie: Be safe.

And she was gone... Stephanie leaves the hospital room and The Judge watches her as she goes, then the second she's past the door tears begin streaming down his face. The Judge sits up in the bed as he begins breathing heavily and the beeping quickens.

Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep

The Judge slams his head against the wall behind him, then he does it again even harder as a nurse quickly rushes in the room.

Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep

The nurse quickly runs to Judge and seeing him slamming his head against the wall, she quickly grabs a needle and places it in the TV tube connecting to his arm. The Judge gets one more solid slam on the wall with his skull before his body slumps down.

Judge: No more beeping now...

I can't say why I lied to her... Why I told her Candace came back when she didn't. It's not like I didn't want her, I really did. Truth be told it's all I've wanted my whole life, and that moment was the moment I'd been waiting for since... Well... I'd been waiting for it for forever. But it just felt wrong somehow. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want her to ruin her plans and ruin her life watching over me, taking care of me. I didn't want to be the one responsible for her career fading away just because I was careless enough to get myself in a mess. She didn't deserve that, she didn't deserve to have to put up with me. So I shut her out. I shut Stephanie out... I decided to put her first, but in the end, all I was really doing was dealing with my life alone and forcing her to as well.

There's alot in life that I regret, but nothing more than that night...

I wish I could take it back...
God, I wish I could take it back...
But it's too late...
(http://www.wrestlepower.net/)

[The Judge]

The worst feeling in the world is when you try your hardest to hold onto something that's already gone. Most of it have done it at least once in our lives, some of us have done it twice, the real unlucky ones suffer through it over and over again, but the first time is always the worst. That first time you feel the true and absolute pain of letting go of something you've spend a countless amount of time working on trying to keep. The throbbing pain in your chest, the burning you get in the corners of your eyes which are sore from the tears, soar from the sleeves that rub them away, and soar from having to see a world for the first time. Having to see the world as it's never looked before... Having to see the world alone.

There's the saying that time heals all wounds, but it doesn't really. Physical wounds hurt when they're first made, sting a while later, and eventually turn into a scar which is nothing more than a blemish on the skin. Mental wounds, or mental scars rather, are more then just something ugly hanging around as a reminder of the past, they're something that can be reopened time and time again, in some cases they never fully close. Eventually the throbbing pain in the chest does go away. Eventually your eyes can see normally again without being blurred by the tears, but that feeling of loss and emptiness is harder to ignore, and it's harder to pretend not to notice. That feeling just lingers, and it lingers for a long, long, time. Perhaps time may heal that wound as well, perhaps not.

Female Voice: Paul?

The Judge stands up and for a moment continues to look out the window of the classroom he now stands in. The view outside the window isn't much to brag about being as the night sky has completely darkned the scenery, but even without the darkness of the night all that could be seen anyway would be a big building where a field used to be years ago, a building that is not yet completed anyway.

Judge: Yeah... I'm here.

The Judge looks to his side, the same darkness that exists on the outside of the classroom also lingers within it. A few clanks on the tiled ground can be heard as the woman's black heels come into view under the soft bluish hue coming from the window, a mix of the moonlight and the chipping purple tint no doubt. The Judge looks up from the heels to the woman's blue jeans, and finally up her black shirt directly to her face. He hesitates a moment before almost choking as a few tears run down his face. She moves in and embraces him tightly, and he hugs her back just as tight.

Candace: It's ok... I've missed you too...

The Judge and Candace slowly move back, The Judge using the black cloth covering his forearm to whipe the tears from his eyes as Candace reaches up and rubs away one of her incoming tears as well.

Judge: How have you been?

Candace: Better. Much better lately, thank you for meeting me here.

Judge: This time or the first time?

Candace smiles as the memory of their first ever conversation springs to her mind.

Candace: Both times...

Judge: And you know what's funny? I think I still have the same CD player.

Candace: What's probally even funnier is that you probally havn't listened to it since that day.

Judge: Well who needs it now right? If I have an MP3 player I can just bypass the whole burning process, buying batteries, AND carrying around CDs.

Candace: Knowing you I bet you still accidentily leave the MP3 player on though and then when you go to play it it doesn't have any charge left. Am I right?

The corner of The Judge's lips turn up.

Judge: You know you are, no need to ask.

Candace and The Judge's smiles slowly fade away after a moment as Candace shifts the purse on her shoulder a bit uncomfortably.

Candace: Which brings me to what I really did want to ask... Why I asked you to come tonight...

The Judge shifts uncomfortably, but then moves to the chair he was sitting at only a minute or two before and grabs an envelope. Candace lets out a breath of relief as he brings it to her and holds it out for her to take. Candace looks him in the eyes for a moment and then takes the envelope from him.

Judge: They're all signed, dated, and ready to go, just like you asked.

Candace: Thank you...

Candace slides the papers out of the envelope to inspect them as The Judge looks on.

Judge: What's wrong? Didn't believe me?

Candace: Just making sure it's all here... That's all...

Judge: Well it is.

The Judge's brow furrows as an expression of anger spreads across his face.

Judge: And if that's all you wanted then you can just go now.

Candace: Paul, don't make me look like the bad guy here, It's not like I just decided to up and leave you one day.

Judge: No, that's right, you didn't. You waited until I hit a low point in my life and then you left me. You waited until I had to fight the biggest fight of my life.

Candace: Hit a low point in your life? Is that what burning up our future was? When are you gonna stop blaming all your problems on that fight? Do you still really think it was that fight with SiNN that ruined your life?

Judge: It was why you left me.

Candace: No!

Candace screams "No", her voice echoeing through the empty halls of the high school as The Judge looks into her eyes that are now filling with tears.

Candace: It wasn't... It was her...

The Judge groans turning his back to Candace.

Judge: Not this again...

Candace: It was what you two shared.

Judge: We didn't share anything...

Candace: It was what you had for her.

Judge: God damnit I never did anything with her!

Candace: You didn't have to!!!

The Judge turns to face Candace, her eyes filled with tears as he looks to her face with a look of bewilderment on his. His eye brows shift as a look of confusion replaces the look of anger.

Candace: You didn't have to...

Judge: ...You knew I didn't betray you?

Candace: You did betray me...

Judge: But you just said...

Candace: I said I knew you didn't do anything, but you betrayed me with your eyes. You betrayed me with your mind Paul... You betrayed me with your heart... I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone, but it wasn't what you wanted, it isn't what you want now, and I'm not going to let you pretend it is anymore, and I'm not going to pretend anymore that it's enough. It's not enough for me, it was never enough for you, and I deserve better... I deserve better Paul.

The Judge slowly looks down, his greenish grey eyes staring at the dark moonlit tile below as Candace stares at him and continues talking.

Candace: I deserve to be happy, and that's not what I got from you... How could I? I know you feel like you need me because I'm all you've ever really had, but you don't, and in reality I'm not the one you want... And you're not the one I want either.

The Judge looks up and stares into the tear filled brown eyes of his ex-lover, he seems as if he's about to speak but she continues.

Candace: The best advice I can give you is to start over, but this time instead of settling for something you never really wanted. Follow your dream, and follow it all the way... I don't hate you Paul, and I will miss you, but our road... Our road has come to it's end...

Candace's eyes look down and are suddenly fixated on the chest of The Judge. Her eyes lock on a long blonde hair that stands out on the black cloth covering his torso, and she reaches forward and pulls it off before dropping it to the ground.

Candace: Everything ends Paul... Everything ends... This time, just make sure you enjoy the ride...

The Judge looks down again, watching the blonde hair slowly fall to the ground and eventually fade away as it hits the shadows.

Judge: I'm sorry...

A tear finally drops down the cheek of Candace before falling to the tile below as well.

Candace: Don't be... Just be happy...

The Judge continues to stare at the ground as Candace holds the envelope in front of her and adjusts her purse on her shoulder one more time before she heads toward the door. As her footsteps start to fade away The Judge doesn't so much as look her direction or move until he hears her voice for the final time.

Candace: And find her... You owe her that much...

Candace takes in a deep breath, then leaves the classroom as The Judge stands there alone for a moment, his body shaking. His eyes finally move to look to where she was standing to see her gone.

Alone now... Finally completely alone...

The Judge suddenly reaches down and grabs the metal and plastic chair by the top and hurls it across the room. The chair bounces off the wall before The Judge can grab the table in front of him and throw it on it's side as well.

Judge: Everything ends...

The Judge grabs another chair and throws it at the doorway where Candace was standing, the chair not going out the door but instead bouncing off the frame and breaking apart before falling back to the floor in pieces.

Judge: Everything fucking ends!

The Judge kicks the table he knocked over and sends it crashing into a few other chairs and tables in the classroom.

Judge: But now what the hell am I supposed to do?! Now what do I do once it's ended!?

The Judge leans down to pick up the table he'd just kicked when all of a sudden he loses his footing and somehow drops backward. The Judge lands on his back as his keys and cell phone go flying out of his pocket and land near his face. The Judge takes in a shaky deep breath through pants as he reaches over to grab the cell phone.

Judge: It's not over... It hasn't ended...

The Judge flips the phone open and just as he's going to go into contacts, he sees the date and time on the phone. January 26th... 2007...

The Judge blinks.

12:00.

Judge: Son of a bitch!

The Judge angrily throws the phone into the wall and it shatters into a hundred pieces. He looks violently to the side as he sees the blonde hair lying next to him. He picks it up as he shakily stands.

Judge: It's not even hers...

The Judge breaks the hair strand into two pieces.

Judge: It's not even hers!

The Judge falls to one knee, his hands, legs, and whole body violently shaking. Tears stream from his eyes as he places his hands on the dirty floor and slowly crawls toward the window.

Judge: Please... God...

The Judge crawls closer to the window, his body shaking even more violently as he reaches up to the window sil to use it to pull himself up.

Judge: God.... Forgive me.....

The Judge looks out the window to the moon as he pulls himself up, his body shivering in a mix of sadness, anger, and fear.

Judge: God forgive me...

The Judge's body suddenly jerks to force him to his feet. He pushes the window open with him and begins to scream outside of it.

Judge: God forgive me!

A few birds that were sitting near the classroom fly off in fear as The Judge screams a second time.

Judge: Forgive me!!!

Candace looks back toward the school from the parking lot and shakes her hear as she hears his voice. A man's voice tells her "Just get in the car" and she sadly does so, a tear falling from her cheek. The Judge's body shakes as he stares up at the heavens above.

Judge: God.... Forgive.... Me....

The Judge's eyes close to a slit, the only thing he can see between them being the soft glow of the moon on his face.

Judge: For I am about to sin...............

Everything Ends... Everything...

[The Judge]

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I John 1:9




Are you here with me today God? I sure hope so, because if ever there was a day that was important it was today.

Man: Are you ready?

I have sat by for so long, waited for so long, and cried for so long. I'm tired God... That's all there is to it... I'm tired. I need you with me lord, I need your strength, and I need your guidance.

Man: Paul?

The Judge, hearing his name, looks to the side quickly. He looks through the small holes in the confession room where a priest sits with him.

Judge: Oh, sorry... Yeah I'm ready...

Priest: Than let us begin...


-------------------------------------


Okay... Make an X, flip over once, flip under, up, over and through, flip around and back through again... Damnit that's not right. Make an X, flip it over, under, around, and through. Now go around again, wrap it in, push through. Damnit no... It's been too long since I've done this...

Woman's Voice: You need some help?

The Judge looks at the mirror to see the curled brown locks of a woman standing behind him. He smiles and turns around, the neck tie around his neck but in a jumbled mess in front of him.

Judge: I did this for a year straight, stood in front of this mirror for a year straight every night doing it, but a few months go by and all of a sudden I can't tie a tie anymore.

Nancy, the Judge's old co-worker at the hotel he briefly worked at smiles as she looks up to The Judge.

Nancy: Here, I'll help you.

Nancy takes a step toward The Judge then unwraps the tie a loop, pushes it back up through the back of the knot, then back in through it. The tie looks perfect, and The Judge smiles as he looks down. He turns back to the mirror and pulls the tie tight as he stands in his old workplace examining his suit.

Nancy: She must be pretty important if you pulled that suit back out of the deep dark depths of your closet. Candace decide to give you a second chance?

The Judge stares at the blue tie around his neck and positions it so it's just perfect. His eyes don't meet the eyes Nancy hides behind her glasses in the mirror, but rather remain focused on his suit.

Judge: Well, you know what they say Nancy... A second chance to do something right is hard to come by...

The Judge turns around to face her and extends his arms.

Judge: So I look alright then?

Nancy: You look like you could work here... Hey!

Judge: No chance. Never again. Besides, I'm sure I wouldn't be welcomed.

The Judge smiles and lowers his arm as Nancy smiles back at him.

Judge: Hey... Thanks again for giving me the free room tonight. I owe you one.

Nancy laughs a bit.

Nancy: Are you kidding? After teaching me how to even work nights in the first place, it was the least I could do. I gave you one of the suites, best room we have tonight.

Judge: You mean?

Nancy reaches out and places a plastic key card in The Judge's hands, then puts her other hand on top of his hand closing his hands within hers.

Nancy: Yes, 1200.

The Judge smiles a bit, then puts his other hand on top of Nancy's hand before he looks up into her eyes.

Judge: Thank you...

Nancy smiles back for a moment as she stares into his grey eyes, then remembers to ask...

Nancy: Did you do it?

Judge: Do what?

Nancy: Confess...

The Judge looks down and lets out a deep breath. Nancy just smiles it off and takes her hand out from between his, leaving the card in between his hands, and puts her hand overtop his other one.

Nancy: All the same, you'll find the strength eventually, don't let it bring you down.

The Judge looks back up to Nancy's eyes and slowly nods his head. He doesn't say a word, and the two remain in silence for a moment before she removes her hands from his, and gives him a solid pat on the shoulder.

Nancy: Go win her back...

Nancy offers one last smile to The Judge, then walks away back through the backstage workings of a hotel front desk. The Judge watches her as she walks away for a moment, then looks down to the card in his hand, then finally looks down to the numbers.

1200.


-------------------------------------

It may sound unheard of to some, but at least a few will understand what I mean when I say sometimes intelligence is a curse... Sometimes I really do wish I was stupid, I wish I was a fool. Sometimes I really honest to God wish that I could walk through life without a care in the world, and without anything inside my mind warning me I'm about to make a mistake. How many mistakes have I made simply because my mind told me what I was doing wouldn't turn out well? Because I'm afraid of a bad result, how many good outcomes have I let just pass me by?

Judge: I wish there was a way to turn you off!

The Judge yells to himself in the hallway of the 12th floor, then stops and looks around. The Judge nervously reaches into his pockets and pulls out his new cell phone seeing just how late in the night it is, and how many people he may have possibly woke up with his outburst.

12:00

Judge: ...Why do I even check?

The Judge walks up to room 1200 and stands before it for a moment, just looking at the number and taking a long, deep breath. He raises his hands as if he's going to knock, then stops and looks to his left hand where he holds the key. The Judge smiles, laughing to himself a bit before he rises the key up to the slot. As The Judge's hand nears the slot it starts to shake uncontrollably, and he drops the key to the floor.

Idiot...

The Judge leans down to take the keycard off the ground when he hears noises from under the crack in the door. Just a woman's voice, but enough to make him kneel down completely and put his ear to the bottom of the door.

Voice: Yes Mom, at least I think I'm sure.

Oh no, she's having second thoughts... I knew it... I knew this was a bad idea. I should just go back home where at least I know what to expect. No surprises, no chance anything can go wrong. Just normal, boring, life.

Voice: Don't act so surprised. Besides, you said you liked him the last time you saw him.

Oh God, her family hates me. What else could go wrong? What am I even doing here? In a hotel room... Wearing a suit...? What in the hell was I thinking? What a stupid, stupid idea. I should just turn back now.

Voice: Mom, just trust me, I know what I'm doing. The truth is mom...

That I've made a mistake... Say it! The truth is I made a mistake and I asked him if he could arrange this meeting so that I can call it all off, and say goodbye to him the proper way, not the way last time turned out... Say it damnit! For Christ's sake just say it so I prepare myself!

Voice: The truth is Mom... I love him... And I always have...

The Judge falls on his ass outside the hotel room door. Not really fainting, well, maybe a little bit, but more just stumbling in surprise.

Voice: Hey mom! I have to go, I think he's here... Okay bye!

Sometimes in life we're disappointed. Sometimes in life, everything lets us down. Many times in life things just simply don't work out, and more often then not our life takes us directions we never thought we'd be taking. We go places we never intended to go, do things we never intended to do, and end up places we never even thought about wanting to be.

The Judge inserts the keycard into the door, and after the lights turn from blinking red to blinking green an automatic lock is heard shifting and the door pushes itself ever so slightly open.

It all goes hand in hand with the choices you make, and the dreams you choose to dream. Your whole life you will be constantly reminded of how hard it is to ever make it, and how impossible it is to reach the dreams you really want to reach. For some of us that door really does close early when our last breath is taken, but for the rest of us one must ask the question. Do we really set our goals too high, or do most of us just set our goals too low... And then reach them?

The Judge takes in a deep breath as he stares into the room, the door slowly opening from a small push with his hand. His grey eyes stare forward into the long vertical opening of the room, looking not to the ground, looking not to the sides, but looking forward to the figure standing on the opposite side of the room. Looking into the woman's eyes before him.

The biggest problem we all face as human beings is just that. We give up on the things that matter to us the most, either because we believe we can never reach them, or because we're too scared to take the risk. Sometimes we will be disappointed, sometimes things will let us down, some things don't work out, and sometimes we will fail... But sometimes we won't. Sometimes things do work out, just the way we always wanted them to. Sometimes dreams do come true. Sometimes... If we want something badly enough, and if we don't give up on it... Sometimes we get it... Sometimes we just get it...

A tear drops from The Judge's eye as he stares forward at the figure walking toward him. He smiles as she stands right in front of him, looking up to his face before he says the words he'll remember the rest of his life.

Judge: I love you too Stephanie...





You can have anything in your life that you want, as long as you're willing to make the sacrifices to get it, and as long as you don't give up on your faith in it, or your faith in yourself.
TJ 12:00



-------------------------------------


X... Over, Up and through. Under, over, loop around the back, over the top and through... Perfect...

Voice: Are you ready?

The Judge looks away from the mirror and to the side, he looks at Stephanie putting her earrings on as she moves alongside him to look in the mirror as well. He smiles and pulls his tie tight.

Stephanie: You ready?

The Judge smiles and nods.

Judge: Trust me Stephanie... I've been ready for this... For a long... Long time...

The scene goes black as The Judge pulls a black hood over his head.