Stories that make you say "Ew!"

[HisEvil]

This is a story that is sure to make you think of getting to know the people your going to "hook up" with...


My brother's friend, who shall remain nameless, was a really uptight neat freak that has never done anything daring...
A few years ago for Spring Break she was going to Las Vegas, and decided she should "let loose" and her goal was to have a one night stand with a random guy.

While she was at the bar she met this really nice guy that she was really into and he invited her back to his hotel room where they could "get to know eachother" a little more. She started her period that day but was determined to do anything so she gave him head thinking that would be good enough.

The next day when she got home, she started to have a red, itchy rash around her mouth and went to the doctors right away. The doctor took some tests and when he came back he asked in a very serious tone "I need the names of all the people youve slept with since you have had this rash" . She didnt want to tell him and have her parents find out she has an STD, and also she didnt even catch the guys name. Then the doctor said "the reason i need to know this information is because the only way you can get this is if you have had sex with a dead person or had sexual intercourse with someone who had sex with a dead person."

and then it clicked..... the guy said he had worked in a morgue..

*dies* b

[Ncomo]

ha LOL
that was pretty funny
where did you get that joke from

[HisEvil]

its not a joke.. it really happened.. but it is funny cuz i didnt like her

[Ncomo]

heh heres a funny true story
from my friends dads cousin (ladys love him but hes stupid)
Ill put cousin for him
and dad for my friends dad

so dad and cousin are walking on the beace when a lady smiles at cousin

cousin- she smiled at me what do I do

dad- smile back at her

cousin smiles at the lady and the lady waves at her

cousin- she waved at me

dad- so wave back

cousin waves and get a suprise

cousin- she showed me her tits

Dad- so show her your nutts

cousin starts running around the beach and starts acting like a crazy person

(true story)

[HisEvil]

LMAO oh man, thats an awesome story.

[Ncomo]

have anymore funny stories they dont have to be true

[Epitaph]

Landing testicle and scrotum first on a metal fence, Oh how I cried at the tender age of 10.

[AvaBundy]

You want bad?

Last fourth of July, me and two of my friends went to watch the fireworks along the riverbank, and set off some of our own. We ended up meeting this girl and these two guys.

The girl was really into my friend ill use his nickname Thumper. So we went to my place, and all hung out and smoked bud.

The following mourrning me and one of the guys, Brian was his name (don't know him, don't care about him) went to the store to gets some food, we got back to my place to find Thumper and this girl....her name was Barbie (I **** you not) going at it. So I got a fire cracker and lit it under the blanket they were both covered by. 30 seconds later the two come out coughing and Thumper earned his new nickname....Rambo (he said it was the first time he had sex in smoke, and it was like he was in the jungle.)

Now, later, the following day, Brian and Barbie hooked up, then the following mourning, my friend....Pepsi, hooked up with the SAME girl...as a matter of fact, he lost his virginity to her.

Long story short, three guys, less than 24 hours, no condom......we later found out that she had herpes, and aparently, shortly after the incident, she contracted HIV.

I don't know if some find it as funny as I do, but I can't think of the whole thing without laughing my ass off.

[Kalen™]

The funniest part about the story is the people's names.. Pepsi, Barbie.. hilarious :) But no I don't find STD's such as HIV funny.. thanks for trying.

[AvaBundy]

I wasn't talking about the STD part being funny, I meant the reat of it

[HisEvil]

that was the coolest, nastiest story MUAHAHA

[HisEvil]

One day a while back, a couple people i know, Kyle and Philip, went to the YMCA. They were playing Marco Polo and Kyle was the one that had to yell marco. So Philip said polo and Kyle went the dirction of philips voice. He then grabbed on to "Philip" and yelled "GOTCHA". As he opened his eyes, he realized this was NOT Philip, it was a fat lady and he had grabbed both of her boobs right infront of her kids, husband and all the people in the YMCA.

when i heard the story, i laughed and said ew.. so HA! lol

[The Pez]

Wow. Great stories. Made me chuckle.

This is a story about a friend of mine, which he told me recently.

One night, (Jesse the guy) and his friend had been drinking and they ended up going to this party where there were these two ugly girls. A fat one and a skinny one (yes, I know that's rude....but its the truth....and I don't know their names, so that's how I distinguish the two). For whatever reason (I can't remember), the fat chick gave Jesse's friend some head. Then she asked if they could "tongue kiss" (I kid you not, those were her words), he said "no, I'm grounded". She then asked if they could hug, he said no, but she hugged him anyways.

I'm not sure how the rest of the story goes....but, after that, pretty much every time Jesse is working (I work with him), he sees those two girls. I laughed so hard I cried when he told me.

[HisEvil]

lmao thats awesome hahaha

[The Tumbling T]

This is a story that is sure to make you think of getting to know the people your going to "hook up" with...


My brother's friend, who shall remain nameless, was a really uptight neat freak that has never done anything daring...
A few years ago for Spring Break she was going to Las Vegas, and decided she should "let loose" and her goal was to have a one night stand with a random guy.

While she was at the bar she met this really nice guy that she was really into and he invited her back to his hotel room where they could "get to know eachother" a little more. She started her period that day but was determined to do anything so she gave him head thinking that would be good enough.

The next day when she got home, she started to have a red, itchy rash around her mouth and went to the doctors right away. The doctor took some tests and when he came back he asked in a very serious tone "I need the names of all the people youve slept with since you have had this rash" . She didnt want to tell him and have her parents find out she has an STD, and also she didnt even catch the guys name. Then the doctor said "the reason i need to know this information is because the only way you can get this is if you have had sex with a dead person or had sexual intercourse with someone who had sex with a dead person."

and then it clicked..... the guy said he had worked in a morgue..

*dies* b

My friend told me a story that was very very familar to that story. The only difference was that she found out she had maggots in her.

Edit:
My ex told me this story one time.
ok she was in detention with some older girls and they started to talk abnout a guy who recently got his toungue peirced and ended up eating his girlfriend out. Then he noticed his toungue was swelled up and it was because his girlfriend was clean down there and he had some sort of bacteria in his tongue.

[Epitaph]

That sounded more like an Urban Legend that anything

[HisEvil]

hmmm... odd..
but hey, i heard it from my brother, and who knows if hes telling the truth

[The Tumbling T]

Yeah I edited I remember that it was maggots that my friend said.
Another story my friend told me was the was a girl in the basement and she decided to start masturbating with a broom. Well her mom came down and freak out and hit the broom. And it killed her.
Yeah I know these stories are probally fake but they were interesting when we got bored.

[HisEvil]

oh my god... ow and ew.. hopefully it wasnt a wood broom haha

[Lover Nuts]

I'll tell you a story that me feel like puking. I would have never thought of it.

My friend told me once that there was a boy in his old school and that had problems. Anyway, one day he decided to **** himself up. What he did was get two pencils, stick one each up his nostrils and he slammed his face on the table so the pencils would pierce through his nose.

...don't worry, it's probably just a load of rubbish. :pipe:

Thanks, :beer:

[Epitaph]

Shan, they used too do that during WW2.....

[Lover Nuts]

Aha, forgive my ignorance. I still felt weird after he told me though. It's like one of the last scenes from 28 Days Later where that guy sticks his thumbs down that army bloke's eye sockets to kill him. :chuckles:

Thanks, :beer: