Callista's choice: Jokester v Ranks

[legendaryken]

Scene: 'Our Lady of the Crushed Vertebrae' Ward, St James Hospital, Dublin. A private room. A patient lies in a hospital bed hooked up to drips and monitors. The patients is swathed in bandages - presumably to a major head wound, and only his eyes are visible. He wears a revolving bow tie.

Callista pushes open the door. She carries two melons because she knows how Jokester's mind works. She sits by the bedside. First of all, she doesn't know what to say. Her mouth opens to start a couple of sentences then closes as she regathers her thoughts. Eventually she puts the melons on the bedside table and speaks....

Callista: I'm...............I'm so terribly sorry............I didn't want this to happen to anyone.

The patient mumbles something but the bandages make it impossible to make out.

Callista: No........don't try and speak. I can see how much pain you're in. The wrestling business has a lot to answer for but I see this as my fault...........I have done wrong. I was happy with Jerome.........I loved Jerimiah but it was never going to work.........but then I met you and........well........(pats growing bump)......who knew that you could get pregnant standing up.........in a gimp suit........with an egg whisk attached to a power drill?

The patient moves his head suggesting that anyone would know that you could get pregnant standing up in a gimp suit with an egg whisk attached to a power drill.

Callista: And now I don't know where I stand. Jerome still has strong feelings for me. Jerimiah would take me back in an instant.........but you're the father of my baby and I know that you'll stand by me..........if you recover from these injuries that is. You're not going to be a vegetable are you? I don't want a turnip as my baby's daddy.

The patient's eyes flash at this apparent insult.

Callista:.......or a cauliflower........I'm allergic to cauliflower........
Now, next week Jerimiah is going to face you in the ring and I don't want you to suffer.........I don't want either of you to suffer..........please go easy on him. Winning the title has been the greatest thing to ever happen to him............my baby is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.........after getting that pair of Jimmy Choos I'd always wanted, of course........and losing three pounds last summer.
I know you're mad at Jerimiah...........I know you want to destroy him and take his title away........but if you've any love for me........if you've any love for our baby.......please don't hurt him........

Callista takes a ribbon from her hair and wraps it around the patient's wrist.

Callista: Next week, if you're happy to go easy on Jerimiah, wear this ribbon in the ring and then I'll know you're going to do the right thing.........I'll know that I've chosen the right man to spend the rest of the life with. I'd better go now but is there anything else I can do before I go?

The patient gestures with his head to show an aroused bulge underneath the bed covers and his eyes indicate his request.

Callista: Oh.......OK......I can see that your hands are tied up right now so.......

She pulls the covers round the bed and we hear some noises of covers being pulled back, a mouth being filled and some happy groans. A couple of minutes later, Callista pulls the covers open again and leaves with a smile on her face and a gentle wave back at the hospital bed.
The camera remains pointed at the patient as he sighs contendedly then 'ow's as he gets a spasm in his arm.
The door reopens and Jokester walks in, a small dressing at the back of his head where the sledgehammer wound is healing nicely.

Jokester: Ah! That's where I left it! That's my best tie you've got there - I only lent it to the trauma ward for half an hour - don't want it to get dirty. Anyway, how's it going Declan? Nurses treating you well? One of them's dropped a ribbon by the look of it. Look, here's a ticket for next week's show. Hope you'll make it!

Jokester unties his bowtie and puts it round his own neck, tucks the ticket in the patient's pyjama pocket then leaves him to lie back contented though still in pain from his injuries and sticky from his recent relief. He lifts his ribboned arm and grunts to the departing Jokester but Jokester does not realise and is gone.

Cut.

[CTRanks]

The Golden Age Is Here...


You here those words are whispered and then we open to the shining glint of the EWE championship. Slowly the camera zooms out and we can see the name "JERIMIAH RANKS" on the name plate. Zooming out even further we see the new EWE champion (it feels so great being able to type that) holding his title gripping it with boths and just staring at it intesnly, as if it were his newborn child. The camera zooms even further and we finally see that Jerimiah is sitting on a steel chair in an the same blood stained ring that he won his coveted prize, but now the arena is completely empty.

So this is what it feels like?.... Finally... a World Heavyweight Champion... Ya know as i sit here, i can hardly believe that this is mine... I've literally have dreamt about this my entire life and now that i hold this in my hand i've learned a huge lesson in my life... and that is... it is not the mountain that i climbed to get here that i conquered... it was actually... myself. Entering into that Sell Your Soul match, i came to a point where nothing else really mattered to me but coming out victorious... Not what everyone said about me, not my win/loss record, not this whole mess with Callista and most importantly not my ego. Which is something that i have always battled against my entire career. I always made it a point to beat my chest in bravado and prove to everyone how great i actually was... i would let my pride get in the way of me seeing clearly and let distractions deter my mind away from what was really important... but all this did was hold me down.... But.... Now as i sit here with this belt in my hands shining the name "JERIMIAH RANKS".....


Jerimiah looks to the camera, eye bruised, patch on his forehead and the side of his neck. He smirks and continues.


I know that none of that can stop me anymore. It may have took a long time but, that young boy with all the talent in the world and no direction is now a man with a clear purpose. I stand here EWE champion a goal few men can say they have accomplished and i am here to take EWE to the next level. I realize that now i have a bullseye right on my chest. I couldn't even get to my dressing room before being threatened by Dan Murph, but.... i love it and im prepared to take on anyone who thinks they can knock me off the mountain top. The role i play in this company is now way bigger than what is going on in my personal life and i understand that. With that said, i not concered with what Jerome, Jokester or Callista does. Jerome is a man in denile and its about time he wakes up and realizes his relationship is over. With Jokester its the same song and dance every week, this whole situation is just comedic material to him and he makes it a mockery. Then again what else is there to expect from him? Its about time he grows up, but we all know that will never happen.... As for Callista.... Yes i love the woman, i dont know why, but i do. Even if we are not together i will always makes sure she is taken care of. However, i cannot truly hold this title, this coveted championship with dignity if i'm caught in the middle of some silly soap opera. Yes i want answers... No i NEED answers, but im not gonna wait forever for Callista to finally be the woman i know she is speak out for what she truly wants. I need to be a strong champion for this company, not caught up in drama.


Smiling Sarcastically.


However, this week i have the lovely opportunity to do both when i finally face The Jokester one on one. First and foremost i would like to say i'm glad to be able to put all of EWE on notice as their champion when i make an example out of The Jokester. Ya see im not happy to still be stuck in this love rectangle or what ever you wanna call it but, there couldn't have been a better man for me to have my first match against. In the Sell Your Soul match i didn't get to punish Jokester the way i wished, there were two other men in my way. Come Awakening though, it will just be me and him face to face and when that bell rings there will be no Judge, no JMC to interfere. Not even Callista will be able to stop me from unleashing the thrashing im gonna put on you.... Its no secret that we are on two sides of the spectrum when it comes to the kingdom of EWE. You play the jester and I the king, unfortunately for you the king is not entertained by you silly antics. As a matter of fact the king is rather frustrated and you know what happens to the jester when the king is angry.... its off with his head. This is it Jokester... it is finally time for all your rediculous escapades to be put to rest... it is time for your execution.


Then when it is all said i done, your babys mother will know that she belongs at my side as my queen. As crazy as it droze me that she is bearing your child, I will do us all a favor and make sure that there will never be another Jokester. Ya see when that child is born, im gonna raise it and im gonna make sure it turns out to be a real man or woman. Im not gonna teach it how to deliver a punch-line, i'm gonna teach it how to deliver a punch... i'm not gonna teach it wise cracks, im gonna teach it true wisdom and... i'm not gunna teach it to look like bafoon in a pink leatoard, im gonna teach it to look like a leader...


Jerimiah raises the EWE championship.


in a championship belt.


He puts the EWE Championship over his shoulder and stands up.


So when this baby arrives, i will take it upon me to be a the father for it that it deserves. Then one day i will bring it back to this very arena and tell the story of how his or her father and actual blood father fought... and both had the opportunity to become king but, only one did and the other continued to be just a jester. Then just a week later the king executed the jester for the greater good.... The world is full of jesters, you guys a dime a dozen, but there is not enough kings. You dont have to thank me Jokester, i'm not doing this for you. I'm doing society a favor.


This is only the first step people because whether you like it or not... The Golden Age Is Here! A new Rennaissance is upon us here in EWE and your king is none other than "The Rennaissance Man" himself Jerimiah Ranks.... Enjoy the ride.

[legendaryken]

Jokester has a day off with the show being put back a couple of days. He has been invited to BBC films to pitch some movie ideas. Now read on.....

Jokester:..........Yeah, it's a guaranteed money spinner.......'Return to Robben Island - Parole Revoked!' I've spoken to Nelson Mandela and he's keen to play himself. The basic idea is that he's back in chokey after failing to pay a couple of parking fines. I'm his cell-mate, wrongly accused of 213 counts of public lewdness and Lindsey Lohan is Nelson's love interest, playing an American actress framed for alcohol and drug abuse........yeah, I spiked her drink. When she ordered a gin and coke, I gave her alcohol and cocaine rather than the game of cards and a Pepsi that she really wanted. Now, after a totally essential to the plot sex scene (we can get El Pollo as the stunt cock if a ton of Viagra doesn't work) Nelson plans the escape........

Movie Exec: So, it's Shawshank Redemption with tits? I like it. That was a great movie but just think how good it could have been with a lesbian scene or two. What else have you got?

Jokester: Here's a good one.......I play a broken down ex world champ who has a difficult relationship with a stripper and a daughter i barely saw when she was growing up. On the eve of my big comeback match, I have a heart attack and don't know whether to carry on with the match or not.......

Movie Exec: That's been done. Mickey Rooney was in it - 'The Wrestler'

Jokester: Really? I don't remember seeing that one.

Movie Exec: Jokester, you were in it! Hardcore guy number 3 wasn't it? The one with the nail through his nose?

Jokester: Oh yeah. I thought that was a proper contest. When they yelled 'Cut!' it was lucky that I had just dropped that Stanley knife.

Movie Exec: Anything else?

Jokester: Yeah. Here's one, except I haven't got the ending yet. Wrestling valet falls in love with wrestler but gets mixed up with chief exec's right hand man and they plan to marry. Handsome, debonair ex-champ catches her eye and they share a beautiful, sensual 30 seconds behind the burger stall. She gets pregnant and then the ex-champ has to fight her old flame without actually removing his head in the process. I reckon it should be a comedy with Ben Stiller and John Goodman but Denzil Washington wants to play the old flame as a straight up romantic lead.

Movie Exec: Too far fetched. Ex champ will kill Denzil in a minute and a half and then where's the comedy value after that?

Jokester: I was thinking Miley Cyrus as the valet.

Movie Exec: Good call! Look, this has been a blast. Give us a call after this week's Awakening and we'll see where we can take it from there.

Jokester: Great! (shakes hands) I'll do it for 10 mill and a Winnebago the size of Croydon.

Movie Exec: It's yours!

End