How Am I Spittin'?

[CLIT]

This thread will be used for those who want to become better freestyle rappers.

Post a freestyle rap here that is 8 bars or 16 lines and I will critique it along with others.

Your lines, your rhymes, your flow, your words, your style will all be picked apart and we will find ways to improve your skills.

The goal is to try to help you become a better rapper.

Check "The Rap Battle Ground Forum" thread to learn more about freestyle rapping.

:winkok:

[#1]

Ill be the cerebral assassin cause my guns be clappin
when them checks im cashing, and that ass i be smaking
P works for his money, no no , no lacking
while ****** sleeping on the job, wake up, no nappin
oh excuse me mrs, i spilled some stuff on her face..please pass me a napikin
im that fresh new meat, nah i anit no hasbeen
please give me a reason why these haters stay on my nutz
dont give a where, when, or what
but ****** ganna get there lights shut off like mark
ganna need more then a rock and stick to light back up the spark
dont belive me
just ask middlefinger
he trys to be a rapper but sounds like a japanesse singer
but un like them ****** music is most of my time
i like my **** underground i dont need to be signed
i anit in to them top ten charts
no Trl ,the basement or talkin **** on 106 and park
Enemies go and they come
come and they go
but my main enemies are in two thousand and four

One of my best peices took me bout an hour to right this one

[Lover Nuts]

The Shanny Man is here
Still flowin' incere
I ain't no poser who's actin' bling bling
I'm just Shanny, I'm tha controversy king
I've been around since May 2002, back when Fred Cook owned all
Now he's sitting at home watching Marilyn Manson lickin' his balls
That's my spit, I hope y'all liked that ****
What do ya think Clit?

lol I know that sucked ass a lot, but I thought I would give it a shot.

:beer:

[The Great One]

Yo Yo Yo this is The Legend speaking
I am here to kill legends, thats simple!
Legends are not match to me!
Thats why you call me the Legend Killer
As long as legends are here, then i will be too
When it comes down to beating legends, it simple to me!
None of the legends stand a chance, i am the greatest wrestler today!
Foley stood no chance, and he nothing but a joke!
Call yourself the hardcore legend, your nothing but a *****!
You think your tough, your just a fat piece of ****!
I showed the world the truth that your nothing compared to me!
I spat in your face, that is how pathetic i think you are!
Right now, your sitting at home thinking to yourself. I got beat of that guy!
You just made a fool of yourself in front of your family, and your stupid fans!
Thats why i am the new hardcore legend.
No other legend is bigger, than the Legend Killer.

[Duff]

thats sure damn nice of you mr clit
to teach us rookies how to spit.
show us how to spit those rhymes
then we can all enjoy good times.
you still the master, still runnnin the show
but please help us make our rhymes flow.
we all come to class, we're eager to learn
we need to use our lines to burn.
halfway through, this **** aint easy
****, this rap sounds pretty cheesy
nearly there, only three bars to go
now ther's two, whaddya know
cant believe you actually read this,
this stuffs weaker than a diabetic cat's piss.
so thanks for taking the time to educate,
but if you can make me good, you truly are great.

[CLIT]

#1:

You started off very strong. Nice flow, nice lyrics. You know how to talk **** and toot your own horn. You need that skill. It wasn't quite a freestyle rap since you wrote it before, but that's cool though. If you are going to spend time writing then you have the time to work on a better flow through out. The middle part of your rap fell apart. It didn't make much sense.


but ****** ganna get there lights shut off like mark
ganna need more then a rock and stick to light back up the spark
dont belive me
just ask middlefinger
he trys to be a rapper but sounds like a japanesse singer
but un like them ****** music is most of my time
i like my **** underground i dont need to be signed

You went pop in the last part about TRL and 106 and Park. That was nice. Be a little more consistent and put some more time into your lyrics.

Shanny:

Nice try buddy. :chuckles:
You can diss and came off with confidence. Do that a few more times in your rap and we can work from there. Dissing Fred Cook is always a plus. :winkok:

Legend Killer:

Uh...you have to rhyme when you rap. I guess I forgot to mention that. You dissed Mick Foley, which was ok, I guess. And you think you're the man, which is always good. You need to rhyme though and then we can work from there.

Duff:

You have a solid flow. You had a story to tell and you did it well. Nice. And you kept it light and funny like the Beastie Boys. I do the funny thing too sometimes and it's nice to do that at times to lighten things up. Your lyrics were simple, which was your intention. In your next rap, use some harsh words and let's see what happens.

:winkok:

[SCOTT]

Legend Killer:

Uh...you have to rhyme when you rap. I guess I forgot to mention that. You dissed Mick Foley, which was ok, I guess. And you think you're the man, which is always good. You need to rhyme though and then we can work from there.



LMFAO :chuckles: :chuckles: pots and kettles maybe :D

[CLIT]

Watchya talkin' about Willis?

I am Da MAN!

And I got more rhymes than Mother Goose and Leapin' Lenny Poffo.

Oh yeah.

[Duff]

Ok Clit, you want some aggression,
the gloves are off, and i aint messin,
gonna teach you all a lesson,
is that your daddy's balls you caressin?
i'm on top form, you all sub-par
i'm gettin better with every bar.
wont be long till im runnin the show
i got the rhymes and i got the flow.
you aint DA MAN clit, your second rate
spent your youth watching your boys masterbate.
you aint nothing without the fan-four
i aint got nothing to fear no more.
Back up bitch and admire my rhymes,
hand over that crown, move with the times,
must admit you were once solid as a rock,
now your nothing, so suck on my ****.


Not great, but any feedback would be appreciated

[CLIT]

Son of a bitch!

I'm over here trying to help you and you attack me and my manhood!? :confused:

I meant harsh in general, like:

Yo they call me Duff,
and I **** mother****in' rough!

Not harsh at me.

You hurt my feelings.

Anyways, that was nice. You don't have to insult in every line when you're trying to battle somebody. Make sure you come out hard, make sure you let them know you're serious, how good you are and you know it.

And remember one key thing:

CLIT owns all.

Bitch.

:D

[Lover Nuts]

OK Clit, Shanny's taking your advice
I won't make the mistake twice
Fred Cook can kiss my ass and go to hell
He probably with Michael Jackson playing kiss and tell
MY time is here, y'all better recognise
You'll fear when you look into my two eyes
I'm here to squash y'all, so I get put over
Then I'll be with my bitches in my flash Rover
This is my voyager, better than Star Trek
TW ain't black, he's just some green ****er like Shrek
My rhymes rock are just so slick
Y'all don't like that ****, then suck my big ****

:beer:

[Duff]

Son of a bitch!


I meant harsh in general, like:

Yo they call me Duff,
and I **** mother****in' rough!

:D


But that would be lying, i'm all nic and gentle and full of kisses and cuddles and.......




















im all finished in 30 seconds :eek:

[Kandy]

This is my very first attempt to spit, and it was done while I am under the influence of flu medication.


Kandy is my name and bitchin is my game
Ive come to let all you ****ers know my name
You think you can call me baby?
Ask TrueWarriors, he did now he’s looking like a lady
Fellas be up on me like kandy suck my ****
Cmon kandy just give it one lick
Back off ****ers you aint gonna get your wish
I know a psycho who will gut you like a ****in fish
You see these hoes runnin round on the street like they be the queen
They need to wake the **** up and realize they aint even princesses, im the queen of mean
Down here in the south people always be runnin they mouth
Talkin trash bout everyone who got the cash
Hatas run the streets hopin to make theyselves a name
Not knowing they aint got any mother****in game
You see em on every street corner they clap ass hangin out
They want you to pick em up pass em up without a doubt
If you looking for a bitch with class
You better have the mother****in cash
Respect your hoe and give her all your dough
Keep her happy and she will be sure to blow

[The Stig]

Wow, Kandy, that was amazing. :rockon: U rock girl :winkok:

[Peoples King]

First time Kandy............. damn Celtic blood stops me from rapping. I'll just sit back and clap or boo or go to the...... loo. Oh yeah we be cutting the **** now. :whatevera

[Superman33]

Kandy just gave me a boner.

[Peoples King]

Technically I wouldnt take that as a compliment Kandy. Bear in the Big Blue House gets Supes standing tall(small) as well.

[Superman33]

Actually, I don't find the Bear that attractive anymore.

[CLIT]

I think we found WP's first lady of rap.

You are now the Queen B!

Welcome to the game girl!

:winkok:

[Kandy]

Thanks CLIT. I have some more rants in me that Im sure I will let out eventually.

[CLIT]

Keep 'em comin!

[Lover Nuts]

Hey Clit, ya still haven't 'reviewed' my last spit. Personally I thought it was pretty good considering I'm more of an old school fan of rap. :D

:beer:

[CLIT]

I don't Shan. I still need more. I can't get a feel for your style yet.

I mean, your rhyming. I wouldn't call it freestyle rapping quite yet. You put in some disses.

Give me a 16 liner about who you are and why you are the greatest rapper around.

We'll see from there.

[Lover Nuts]

So CLIT, you think I'm bad right?
Well I'm about to tell ya fool that I'm out of sight
I'm a hooligan who vandalises at night
And no way am I afraid to put up a fight
I'm the Shanny Man, WP's resident controversy
I've been rappin' since my nappy beenin' changed at nursery
This is my 3 month WP anniversary
Since I revealed I'm Antlun all these mofos like to curse me
I'm better than Duff at freestylin'
I'll beat that bitch any time, he'll go home cryin'
Ken might as well quit and stop tryin'
If I said I wasn't good at this I would be lyin'
Funk is just a poetic little tramp
Him and Hurri should go **** each other at homo camp
Funky, you can't flame me so don't even try
After all this is WP, not Queer eye for the straight guy

SHAZAM!!!!!

:beer:

[CLIT]

Nice! That was funny and it had a good flow. You went after everybody and played up you not giving a crap with the whole Antlun thing.

And the Shazam at the end is your finisher at the end of your raps.

I liked it.

Keep up the whole funny and **** everybody in your spits and you will have your own style. That's key. It's what will separate you from everybody else.

Atta boy!

:D

[Lover Nuts]

Nice! That was funny and it had a good flow. You went after everybody and played up you not giving a crap with the whole Antlun thing.

And the Shazam at the end is your finisher at the end of your raps.

I liked it.

Keep up the whole funny and **** everybody in your spits and you will have your own style. That's key. It's what will separate you from everybody else.

Atta boy!

:D

Thanks CLIT. :winkok:

[CLIT]

No doubt.

I'm on this like chocolate.

[Duff]

Ok Clit, time for some more pointers please. I'm not going to bother posting another rap in here, if thats alright. You've read all my raps anyway. So any tips?

[CLIT]

No. You are ready. Go look at the "Supes is bored" thread. You killed it.

Spit like that and you will be ok.

Welcome to the majors Duff.

;)

[Duff]

not quite there yet, i just need to challenge someone at the same level as me. Any takers?

[Kandy]

I may regret this, but I'll accept your challenge Duff. Since I am such a ****ing lady, I insist you go first :D

[CLIT]

Nice!

Duff Daddy vs Queen B

It's on!

[The Great One]

Clit you think your the man?
Your just a little boy
You think your the rap master
Well i am out to dethrone you
You think you can own people
You couldn't own Truewarriors
You tried but he had your number
Now i am stepping up
I am going to take a **** on you
I am the number one rapper
Shanny Man thinks he is a rapper
Well he is nothing but a bitch
I will now make him my bitch
Just like Clit will be after this rap
Duff will not be the number one guy
Because its my time to be the number one guy.

NEXT!!!

[12]

OK this is going to suck...but I am very bored and feel like entertaining myself. Will be a one-time deal I assure you.

LK, sorry but I needed something to rap about and you seemed an easy target.

Dude I can write better than anything you ever could
Your sig's so bad it makes yo rhymes look good
Whats with repeating the same word at the end of each line
Dude you don't even know how to rhyme?
This is my first time spitting and I already made a fool of you
Just like Kurt Angle, I'm damn sure "its true"
12 is here to take over this place
Could kick anyones ass, face to face
and make them pay for messing with me
come on and challenge me, then you'll see.
And clit was wrong saying Kandy's queen b
shes just another wannabe
So my time here now is almost out
But I'm going to be back, aint no doubt
Coz my ****'s only just begun
But for now, this rap is done.

[The Great One]

Good rap 12, i am stepping down because i just suck at this.

[Duff]

ok Kandy, i dont want to do this,
it be like rappin against my wee sis
how am i supposed to sit here and diss
wouldnt you rather hug and kiss?
but you laid down the challenge, i'll lay down the law
get ready bitch, stand back in awe
ive watched you sit there runnin yo mouth
thinkin you hard cos you from the south
i'm the king, i wear the crown
you just a bitch that needs put down.
time to take that trip to the vet,
i'm still payin nice, i aint started yet.
i'm takin it easy, i'll give you a try
dont want to make a little girl cry,
you may WPs first rap Queen,
but i'll **** you up like you never seen.
i tried playin nice, i await your reply,
but **** with me and you gonna fry.

[CLIT]

That was good Duff. My star pupil.

12 nice spit. You need better lines though.

Legend Killer....please sign up for my class. Soon.

Kandy, you're up.

[Duff]

That was good Duff. My star pupil.




*beams with pride* :notworthy :crying: :bgking:

[Superman33]

LK needs rap lessons . . . desperately.

[Kandy]

ok Kandy, i dont want to do this,
it be like rappin against my wee sis
how am i supposed to sit here and diss
wouldnt you rather hug and kiss?
but you laid down the challenge, i'll lay down the law
get ready bitch, stand back in awe
ive watched you sit there runnin yo mouth
thinkin you hard cos you from the south
i'm the king, i wear the crown
you just a bitch that needs put down.
time to take that trip to the vet,
i'm still payin nice, i aint started yet.
i'm takin it easy, i'll give you a try
dont want to make a little girl cry,
you may WPs first rap Queen,
but i'll **** you up like you never seen.
i tried playin nice, i await your reply,
but **** with me and you gonna fry.

Normally I wouldnt back down from a challenge, but that was good Duff. So therefore, I renounce my title as Queen and step out of the rap battle scene.

[The Great One]

LK needs rap lessons . . . desperately.

Why do you think i quit? ;) Rapping isn't my thing.

[Duff]

Normally I wouldnt back down from a challenge, but that was good Duff. So therefore, I renounce my title as Queen and step out of the rap battle scene.


chicken **** bitch :D

[CLIT]

Aw no! Come on Kandy, what the hell was that all about?

Losing is one thing, but not trying is complete bull****.

I'm not declaring a winner.

You need to spit.

[Kandy]

Sorry bout that CLIT. I dont have an excuse for tryin to back out, I guess I just quit before I gave it a shot. Well here's my shot.

Aight dude, that **** was good
I bet while you were typin it you got some wood
Dissin a chick must have been a thrill,
You went for the hunt, but didnt make the kill
The bitch almost quit you almost got it done,
but almost dont count cuz you aint yet won
Dont wanna make me cry, cmon baby please
you know you could never bring me to my knees
You say you the king, that could be true
just dont expect this Queen to bow down to you
You wanna play rough you found the right bitch
but be forewarned at times Im a witch
I'll put you under my spell
and soon you will feel like you are in your own hell
you threw out your spit and it was tight
but Im sorry to say, I still aint runnin with fright

[CLIT]

Kandy, I'm glad you stepped up. I'm proud of ya girl. :winkok:

But, I think Duff had the better spit. But you are good. Do some more freestyles for us.

Pretty please? ;)

[Kandy]

Well, Since you asked so nicely, I will do my best ;)

[CLIT]

Sweet.