Aperama
03-07-2009, 01:21 AM
Presents
Tuesday Night Turmoil!
March 10th, 2009
Edwards Hall
Miami, FL
Turmoil, after a quick flurry of opening credits, opens to.. Gunnar Brian, in an expensive suit backstage, in front of a large door with his name encircled by a gold star. Openly sneering at a female production assistant who, clearly under duress, fetches him a coffee, he takes a sip - and then spits it into the girl's face, holding at his face.
Gunnar: Useless.. I said one sugar. Did you think I didn't want it stirred in? Go find some man who can put you on your back and make you start popping out kids, or something. Ugh. Useless bitch.
He turns about - shaking his head as the production assistant scurries off, cleaning her face of scalding hot coffee - straight into Carlos Gonzales. He looks completely ruined - dressed in a cheap suit, his top button undone - no tie adorning him as he.. pushes.. Gunnar Brian. Gunnar is somewhat stunned at being physically provoked by Carlos - but clearly, is somewhat unphased by the push, not even so much as spilling his styrofoam-cup clad coffee.
Carlos: I miss the good old days. I miss the days when I could respect the people in my locker room. I miss the days when I could realise that every single person who held a championship belt within this company - my company - would be people I'd be able to proudly state to other companies. Now.. now what do I have? I have a nudist, a quintuplet of goons.. and a fucking womanbeater.
Gunnar: Can't hack it, old man? Quit. Alicia and I will take this wretched company off of your hands in a second. A second, old man. I've beaten every challenge you've thrown in front of me. Easily. You're useless.
Carlos: That would be why I stand in front of you now, you moron. That.. would be why. Because, you see, Gunnar, I stand at a crossroads.. I need to rid my company of the cancers that sit within it. And I need to start with the first. One.. one challenger, you've never beaten. You've never even faced him head to head.
Gunnar: Who? Who the fuck do you think can beat me? I'm the best this company has to offer, and you know it.
Instead of answering - Carlos thunders straight up with a right hand to Gunnar, laying him straight in the jaw. It's the surprise that knocks Gunnar back - spilling coffee all over his suit - stunned as he doubles into his door, and stares at the now-vacant spot that Carlos Gonzales was standing in.
Daniel: Welcome to Tuesday Night Turmoil!
Max: Did Carlos Gonzales just punch Gunnar Brian?
Daniel: I've got a better question for you.. was that a challenge?
Singles Match
Scorch Vs. Blake Baker
Daniel: Well, either way.. We start out tonight with up and comer Blake Baker going one on one with the former WPW Champion Scorch!
Max: You get the feeling these guys are motivated tonight?
Daniel: I really hope so. This could be a huge win for Baker, beating the former champion
“Cool Kids” hits the speakers, and Scorch makes his way down to the ring. He charges up to the turnbuckle, then “strikes a match”
Mina: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first: From Tinley Park, Illinois, weighing in at 240 pounds… Scorch!
Daniel: Scorch making his TNT return after several months
Max: Welcome back to TV
“Let It Rock” picks up in the arena, and Blake Baker approaches the apron. He rolls into the ring to a reaction of mixed cheers and boos.[/color]
Mina: And his opponent: From London, England, weighing in at 232 pounds… Blake Baker!
Daniel: And Blake Baker making his entrance, though he’s been a bit jaded as of late
Max: He’s not not sad
Daniel: Beautiful as always Max
Blake Baker looks around the ring for Scorch who is nowhere to be found. He soon realizes why, however, as Scorch appears behind him outside of the ring. He grabs Baker by his boots and trips him up, dragging him to the outside.
Daniel: And Scorch starts things off with a trip
Max: Blake Baker really should be paying attention, not a good way to start
Scorch kneels down next to Baker, cradles his head in his left hand, and begins delivering devastating punches one after the other to the face of the stunned Baker. He slowly lifts Baker up by the hair and drives his knee into his gut before pushing him forcefully into the steel guardrails. Scorch slides into the ring to break the count, then rolls back out, stomping heavily upon the chest of Baker a few times.
Daniel: Scorch look as if he has something to prove here tonight
Max: Or, Blake has decided to start a new career as a human punching bag. Whatever works
Scorch has Baker back to his feet once again and slams his face into the ring apron, Baker coming to rest upon it. Scorch grabs Baker by the waist, rolling him into the ring just at the 8 count from the referee. Scorch rolls him onto his back, and expecting the easy victory, simply lays his back against Baker’s side.
One…
Two…
T…Kickout!
Daniel: Blake kicks out
Max: And that’s really the first offense we’ve seen of him as of yet
Scorch rolls over onto his knees and looks at Baker, a little surprised at the life shown. However, he seems unaffected and lifts Baker up, sending him into the nearest corner with a simple toss by the head. He climbs up onto the middle rope and once again grabs Baker by the head, delivering the mandatory nine-punch, followed by a very strong tenth punch, which sends Baker collapsing to the mat. Scorch turns and sits on the top turnbuckle, pausing to admire the damaged caused to his opponent.
Max: Scorch is… wait for it… on fire tonight!
Daniel: How long have you been saving that gem?
Max: Oh, at least a few days. Worth it
Scorch slowly makes his way down from the turnbuckle and kicks Baker in the ribcage. He does it again, but this time Baker is ready for it and grabs his ankle, sending him off-balance. Baker grabs hold of Scorch’s leg and wrenches as much as he can until Scorch falls to the mat in surprise. Scorch falls against the ropes and the referee calls for a clean break.
Daniel: Blake Baker showing some signs of life, but Scorch was quick into the ropes
Max: So how smart a move was that really?
Scorch slides out of the ring, taking a second to catch himself, then slides back into the ring. Scorch walks a circle around the weakened Baker, contemplating, then picks him up by the hair once again. Scorch whips Baker across the ring and attempts a clothesline on the rebound. Baker ducks the attack. His momentum carries him into the opposite rope, and he springs off in an attempted cross body, but Scorch has this well scouted and side-steps the attack, sending Baker rolling across the ring.
Daniel: Once again, Baker is a victim of experience
Max: One day, one day
Scorch bolts towards the ropes to the left of Baker, springboarding backwards off of them in a Lionsault. His momentum carries him through and onto his knees, but he falls forward and hooks the leg of Baker to keep them away from the ropes.
One…
Two…
Thr…Kickout!
Daniel: Blake Baker again kicks out, showing a bit of his determination
Scorch pounds the mat, the frustration beginning to build. He returns to his original gameplan and drags Baker to the bottom rope, forcing the heel of his boot to the back of his neck, choking him upon the rope. The referee begins his five-count, and Scorch lets go just before the count of five. Scorch lifts Baker up, who is struggling for breath, and drops him down on his head with a strong, forceful DDT. Scorch looks over at Baker, and goes for the cover.
One…
Two…
Three…Kickout!
Daniel: I don’t believe this, Blake Baker again has the power to kick out
Max: But how much does he have left?
Daniel: We went into this match not knowing how much Baker was going to give. But it looks like he’s giving it his all here tonight
Scorch looks at the referee, telling him it should have been a three. Behind his back and out of view, Blake Baker has managed to get up to his knees. He musters up all he can and delivers a strong forearm to the small of the back of Scorch, dropping him down to his knees.
Daniel: And some more offense by Blake Baker here
Max: But not the powerful kind
Blake Baker realizes this may be his best chance to walk away with a victory, and slowly crawls towards the nearest corner. He climbs up to the second turnbuckle and stalks Scorch from behind as he slowly makes his way to his feet.
Daniel: Baker wanting a big move to finish off Scorch
Baker waits until Scorch is in prime positioning for a diving Famerasser, then takes a deep breath, and dives off of the turnbuckle. Scorch hears the clinking of the turnbuckle, however, and catches a glimpse of the man flying at him. Scorch’s first reaction is to grab the extended arm of Blake Baker, and they both fall to the mat. Carrying Baker’s forward momentum, Scorch keeps his tight grip upon the arm of Baker and rolls through into a bridge, looking for an armbar.
Daniel: What a counter by Scorch!
Max: That damn roll through move. It works half of the time, every time
Blake Baker battles, his left arm making long, wide strikes at the side of Scorch who each time attempts to trap his arm. Scorch wrenches back harder after Baker’s third strike and Baker screams out, his next attempted punch falling short of its mark. Scorch seizes the opportunity and locks his left arm in a chicken-wing, leaving Blake Baker with little chance to escape. He continues to fight, however, his legs both kicking against the mat, desperately attempting to free himself from the excruciating hold.
Daniel: And Scorch finally gets the submission
Soon, the kicking subsides, and Baker’s body is left lifeless, face down on the mat and in the arms of Scorch. The referee checks the arm of Baker, and lets it fall once. The referee then calls for the bell, noting that Baker has passed out.
Mina: Here is your winner… Scorch!
Max: Scorch gets the submission win here tonight
Daniel: Why did the referee only check once?
Max: It’s a mixed bag. Sometimes they check once, sometimes three
Daniel: It looks like Baker wasn’t able to give just enough to pull out a win here tonight.
Non-Title Singles Match
Jamie Parker Vs. Gunnar Brian
Daniel: Jamie Parker returned at the Brawl with an impressive showing in the Brawl For It All match and has carried that momentum with him in the form of a win over the WPW Champion The Killing Joke, no relation to DC comics.
Max: Though it may have had an influence on his name, not that it matters.
Daniel: Anyway as I was saying he has the momentum and he looks to get even more as he tries to take down the WPW Florida State Champion…
Max: Does that mean he is going to have to forfeit wins for academic fraud?
Daniel: Stop using American collegiate sports references, you are confusing our audience. I should also note that Mina Henderson has given word that until her demands are met she will not do any ring announcing for any match involving Gunnar Brian.
Max: She needs to stop being such a baby and do her job.
Daniel: If you knew some of the rumored treatment she has received from Gunnar backstage you might have a different opinion on the matter.
“The Other Side” hits the speakers and Gunnar Brian emerges from the back with the Florida State Title around his waist and women beatin’ hands on the ends of his wrists. Gunnar raises his left hand, a bit bruised, the result of anger at a tough to open bottle of cheap booze, though he brags it was from shutting up a heckling female fan, seemed a bit wordy actually. One fan comments about the random changes in tenses and of course being a woman nobody pays her any attention, but Gunnar tells her to shut up anyways. He then looks at the ring before climbing in and waiting for his victim, er opponent, keep the suspense going.
Max: Gunnar looks like he wants to tear somebody apart here tonight.
Daniel: Well that is no easy task against a man like Jamie Parker, who was surprisingly quiet this week.
Max: I know, a guy like that normally loves to run his mouth.
“The Prisoner” takes over the sound system as Jamie Parker comes out from the back to a mix of boos, cheers, apathy, and excessively long chants about sleeping with somebody’s mum cause somebody has a speech impediment and cannot say mom and the crowd runs with it all while being in the spirit of a crowd at a big UEFA match where chants can seem more like songs, not unlike those song for individual players in the Japanese baseball leagues, learning can be fun. Parker seems a bit distracted by something as he gets to the ring, something that will not be acknowledge again in the match. He climbs into the ring and the bell rings after a brief time in which the referee explains what is going on. The two are about to have a wrestling match, weird, we know.
Max: This crowd seems a bit confused here tonight.
Daniel: You are right about that, they hate Gunnar, but they seem unsure how they should react to Parker and his seemingly self professed new more honest approach.
Gunnar looks over at Parker and mouths something ending in “you”. Parker smirks back at him and motions for him to “bring it”. It of course being some sort of physical act of violence, at least that tends to be the understood meaning of the term. While this distraction was taking place, a number of moves occurred, really by now you may have noticed that the feed was lost from the show after a fan accidently kicked one of the wires from out of the production table on their way to get concessions, we think they were getting a Snickers, not to be confused with the reaction of one female WPW employee that launched Gunnar’s anti-women crusade, but then that was supposed to be a secret, could just be a rumor.
Daniel: Let us apologize to you fans out there, we had some technical difficulties there.
Max: Yes, but you did not miss much.
Daniel: There were some moves, some harsher then others, Parker focused on the body of Gunnar, while the Florida State Champion focused on the arm of Parker.
Max: Right or left arm?
Daniel: Yes.
Once the feed has returned after a few minutes, cleverly covered by use of an old Jamie Parker football instructional video, he taught kids about the offsides rule, fascinating stuff. Anyway when the feed finally returns, Parker is applying a leg lock submission a bit too close to the ropes as Gunnar reaches for them to get the break.
Daniel: You have to think Parker may have gotten better leverage if Gunnar had not worked the arm during the technical difficulties.
Max: I could think something else, but it certain seems like a possibility. It is a smart strategy from Gunnar. Having only one functional arm several limits the abilities of any wrestler, even one so used to using his feet such as Jamie Parker.
Parker looks a bit confused at first by his seeming gaffe before he begins to chastise the official saying that he should have been listening because Gunnar gave up. Both Gunnar and the referee insist otherwise, though Gunnar’s objection comes in the form of a hard punch to the back of the head. The move staggers Parker forward a bit, knocking him to a knee for a moment. When he turns around he finds himself planted on his skull with a quick DDT. Gunnar immediately turns him over onto his back and hooks the leg for the cover…
One…
Max: What a brutal move there, this has to have ended it.
Two…
Daniel: I think you might be right about that one.
Jamie Parker kicks out of the pin attempt to the delight of portions of the crowd, some wanting to see him win, others just wanting to get their money’s worth and see the two men tear each other apart. Either way they appear they may be getting their wish as Parker gets up throwing hard rights, strange for a former footballer to use his upper body so much. Gunnar seems to notice this two and gets in a bit too close then gets hit with a hard punt to the midsection. He drops at the waist and Parker goes to kick him straight in the face, but Gunnar moves, and the kick just grazes him. Parker’s boot appears to catch the chin of the Florida State Champion, thought we forgot about that huh, nope, just never seemed relevant before this point, though Max that it meant something, Daniel too, oh right the chin thing, yes it cut Gunnar open a little, not much unlike he had cut himself shaving.
Daniel: You were wrong by the way, it was not over.
Max: Way to stay on top of things there, Danny boy.
Daniel: You know you could add something to the show too..
Max: It has been almost three years, why start now.
Gunnar puts his hand on his chin and rubs it slightly. Then he looks at the very small amount of blood on his finger and something seems to click inside. Parker runs at him and Gunnar takes him down with an armdrag, holding on into an armbar submission hold. Gunnar screams out as he applies more pressure to the hold, trying to yank the arm from its socket. Parker starts to shout as well, both a mix of pain and an attempt to get the crowd behind him. It only seems to work a little bit as the crowd remains confused over whether to cheer the man who hates the company, or the man who seems to disdain his coworkers. Either way, Gunnar takes advantage of his positioning in the ring and each time the ref asks Parker if he wishes to tap, the resourceful champion uses the ropes for some extra leverage on the hold. After around four tries of this a little boy yells “he’s using the [sic] ropes!” causing the referee to turn and catch Gunnar in the act. He forces Gunnar to break the hold who does so by lifting Parker up by the arm then slamming it down to the mat.
Daniel: What a sickening display by this twisted man.
Max: He is simply showing what makes him one of the most dangerous men in the business.
Gunnar looks at Parker’s position on the mat and then to the top rope. He looks at the direction of the boy and spits out towards him, the saliva not really going anywhere, some of it landing on Gunnar’s boot to the amusement of the boy and many more in the crowd. He pays it no attention as he ascends the ropes and again screams something ending in “you” before flipping back towards Parker with Brian’s Best and hitting a beautiful moonsault onto the mat. Gunnar grabs his chest as he rolls onto his back and Parker rolls back over onto him…
One…
Daniel: Gunnar has learned a harsh lesson. Always look before you leap.
Two…
Oh right if you had not noticed, Parker rolled out of the way and when he rolled back onto Gunnar, the Florida State Champion was or well now is in a pinning predicament and well oh right back to now…
Gunnar kicks out, looking a bit confused as to how he nearly lost.
Max: And Parker has learned that Gunnar cannot be kept down that easily.
The two men stagger back up to their feet, Parker favoring his arm, Gunnar still regaining his breathe after the force of his collision with the mat. The two lock up as Gunnar forces him into the corner, just pushing all his weight against the injured arm of Parker, pinning the arm between his body and the turnbuckle. Parker tries not to scream but the pain on his face is clear. The official tells Gunnar to take it out of the corner and he responds by stepping through the ropes. He then tells the official “fine I will let go” and does, after dropping down to the floor, still holding Parker’s arm and nearly breaking it over the ropes. Parker lays on the ground holding his arm as the referee asks “are you ok” to which Parker replies with an unconvincing “yes!” Gunnar slides back in the ring and waits for Parker to get back up. The former football star starts to lift himself but falls back down having mistakenly tried to put weight on the now seemingly injured arm.
Daniel: I think Parker may have a severely injured arm.
Max: If that is the case, then he has only himself to blame.
Daniel: I think Gunnar may have helped make things worse.
Max: Gunnar has only been working to win this match.
Daniel: He seems to be delighting in hurting Parker.
Max: Well Jamie is a girl’s name.
Gunnar tells Parker “here, let me help you” and starts to lift Parker. Once Parker in up a bit off the mat Gunnar kicks him hard in the triceps area before yanking him upright and applying a hammerlock. He tells Parker to “go on, tap!” but before Parker can respond Gunnar violently spins him around and wrenches the arm once more. He then pulls Parker in, driving the air out of his lungs with a harsh knee. Gunnar puts Parker’s head between his legs then lifts him up and locks his hands before driving him down headfirst in the middle of the ring with the Raven Coloured Streak! Gunnar lays over the fallen Parker, putting his weight down on the arm he has been working over all match, mostly to be a Rich or Rick or, Richy, some nickname derivative of Richard, and also because it is good strategy…
One…
Daniel: Okay, Max, now you can say it.
Two…
Max: I want to pound the fu…
Daniel: No the other thing, not time for that yet
Max: Oh right, this one is over folks.
Three…consecutive exclamation points!! (like those).
Daniel: Gunnar Brian has defeated Jamie Parker here tonight. Let us remind you that Mina Henderson has refused to do any ring announcing for a Gunnar Brian match until her demands are met so there will be no official announcement of the winner.
Max: Here comes a woman who knows her place.
Daniel: People like you and Gunnar disgust me.
Max: Because we give men a bad name?
Daniel: No because, wait yes, that is exactly why.
Alicia appears at the top of the stage and quickly walks over and grabs the Florida State Title from a worker who had taken it from the Time Keeper’s table. She pushes the young man down and tells him she can have his job when he starts to get up looking like he was thinking of coming after her, and not in the rough way she likes, according to that video rumoured to be about to hit the internet soon. Gunnar forces the ref to raise his hand before he rolls out of the ring and takes the belt from Alicia as the two walk up the ramp gloating, while officials come to help Parker out of the ring, checking on his arm. One of them appears to throw up an X with his hands, though it is only caught on the side in the background of the shot for a few frames. He may have just been directing some of the other workers to set up for the next segment or match, whatever it ends up being, probably nothing with pie, certainly not French Silk.
We return from break to 'Too Cold' by Vanilla Ice - Ethan Frost swaggering out as best as he can to the droning disapproval of the audience.. at least, once he reveals he has a microphone in his hand. He slides underneath the bottom ropes, and holds his arms out in triumph, as though he's just finished running a marathon.
Frost: Well, I just finished flying in from Palo Alto, and boy are my arms tired!
Frost doubles over himself in laughter. Someone throws an empty popcorn bucket into the ring. They miss.
Frost: Jokes aside.. I'm here to talk about the biggest show of WPW's yearly calendar - yup, that's right, WPW's Easter Extravaganza! On the Easter Extravaganza, three lucky kids will get to go on an easter egg hunt through the WPW roster's locker rooms - and you'd better believe there are gonna be some chocolate bunnies through the mix. If you'd like to apply for the Easter Extravaganza, show us your treasure searching skills by sending a Youtube address to my personal internet address, Frostisaf-a-g@WPW.com! (I'm really lucky, 'cause Ethan and EthanFrost and Frost were taken, but Frost is a Funny, Awesome Guy wasn't!)
A few people begin to laugh.. at him, not with him. He looks confused at the laughs, but smiles anyway, brushing through his momma's boy haircut and then pushing the microphone to his lips again.
Frost: On a less important note, we have Redemption coming up. I'm not too excited. Except for one thing - the Sell your Soul match! Last year, this was a real winner, so we thought we'd do it again this year. And they let me be in charge of the match! So.. now, I'll want you all to bear with me. Have we got the.. ah, good.
A PA slides a large easel into the ring with a sketch-pad upon it. The lighting dims slightly to make it easier to read Ethan's writing.
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Frost: Now you guys might all be a little confused. Because, see, I've always thought that the best type of match is always one of those ones where you have to hit your opponents into the corners. Only, because this is a four-man match, we need to have something to single them out. So everyone will be in their own colors. Whoever's in red has to hit the turnbuckles. Now, I've invested some company funds into glowing turnbuckles, which will work off of one of four colors, which will work in conjunction with these RFID tags that each of the wrestlers will have attached around their heads, in a headband. If any wrestler's color gets lit up four times, they're out! OUT I SAY! So it's an elimination match, just like last time. When it gets to two, instead of a ladder, we're gonna have a 'trapdoor' match - whoever can go through the trapdoor first wins! And hopefully nobody breaks their neck like that time with the Ultimate Warrior!
Frost holds his arms out, as though expecting dozens of people to burst out into cheers. They simply react.. stunned. Frost holds his hands out, mouthing 'it gets better!' before turning over the easel once more..
(http://img16.imageshack.us/my.php?image=frostimage.jpg)
Frost: So I was thinking, how to make this match even bigger. How to drive this match through the ceiling and straight to the MOON. And then I thought.. we need a special guest referee. But not just any special guest referee. I'll have you know that a large portion of WPW's yearly budget has gone into this.. this monumental referee we've taken. Admittedly, he has no wrestling experience, and we've not confirmed him just yet, but I can tell you with 99% certainty that the man.. the legend.. Lieutenant Commander Quinton McHale himself.. That guy who was in that episode of the Simpsons where Bart becomes a boy scout.. yup, that's right.. ERNEST BORGNINE!
The crowd continues to act confused. Finally, sick of it, someone storms down the entrance ramp, microphone in hand, sliding under the ropes and getting into Ethan's face - it's.. Carlos Gonzales!
Carlos: Frost..
He simply lets the microphone drop to the ground, and punches Ethan straight in the face, his nose immediately gushing out blood. Carlos is no trained wrestler - but Ethan reels with the punch, drooling his blood straight over Carlos as he receives a headbutt for his trouble, doubling through the ropes and collapsing through his easel - but Carlos isn't done. Taking a b-line for Ethan, he grabs Ethan's head and forces it into the steel steps - creating yet another gusher of blood upon the floor. Only a few people feel particularly sorry - or so the cheers that begin to envelop the arena would suggest as Carlos mounts Ethan, then begins punching him in the face again and again. His cheap suit gets covered in more and more blood with each new punch to the face - and a number of men in black shirts have to pull him off of Ethan, his blood-soaked form heaving hard with breaths as he looks out to the audience, exasperated.
[U]Singles Main Event
The One Vs. The Stallion
Daniel: Well, what a long strange trip it’s been, but finally we come to the climax of this evening’s entertainment with……………why the sniggering, Max?
Max: You said ‘climax’, Daniel.
Daniel: What age are you, Max? 12?
Max: I’m in my thirties, Daniel, as you well know.
Daniel: Your thirties? Max, you’ve got shirts older than that.
Max: Um………..yeah………hand-me-downs from my father.
Daniel: So, who was President when you were born?
Max sits with his mouth opened for a few seconds, trying to do some calculations.
Max: ……..Al Gore?
Daniel: My apologies, Max. You are obviously 12 years old. I’m sorry for doubting you.
Max (Not sure if Daniel is taking the piss) : Yeah……….well…….hey!
Ding Ding
Mina: This next match is to be decided by one fall and is between, weighing in at 245lbs and hailing from Saint Paul, Minnesota, he is The Onnnnnnnnnneeeeee!!!!!!!!
The lights cut out and The One’s entrance begins as usual.
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
A spot comes on to focus on The One at the entrance area. He looks up at the sound of ‘The Hand That Feeds’ by Nine Inch Nails crashes into the hall and he seems to mouth the word ‘Kayla’ before he walks to the ring and completes his God Like Pose on two of the turnbuckles.
Daniel: This is a man still haunted by the memory of his dead wife.
Max: Is he? That’s spooky. Does she wear a white sheet and rattle chains?
Daniel: I don’t think he’s haunted in that sense, Max. I meant he’s haunted by the memory.
Max: Maybe he should get in an exorcist.
Daniel: Maybe not.
Max (sings) : Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!
He does a little dance in his chair while singing the rest of the tune, getting half of the words wrong.
Mina: His opponent, weighing in at 215lbs and hailing from Dallas, Texas, he is…………The Stalllllllllionnnnnnnn!!!!!!!
‘Take On Me’ by the Reel Big Fish remains Stallion’s music of choice though his appearance at the entrance is less animated than usual. His cheers are as loud as ever but Stallion seems a little half-hearted in his slapping of the hands of the crowd who lean over the railings for some contact with WPW’s most popular wrestler. He gets to the ring but doesn’t move to the music, instead testing the bounce of the top rope then kissing his lucky necklace, all the while keeping his eyes firmly on The One.
The One smiles back as he adjusts his arm pads.
Ding Ding
Referee Todd Franklin brings his hand down between the two wrestlers to signal the start of the contest and The One begins to circle round to Stallion’s corner. Stallion moves away then the two men lunge at each other to apply a head lock. They connect briefly then The One shoves Stallion away, but Stallion retaliates with a Spinning Heel Kick. The One chops him in return, then there is a brief exchange of chops before the crowd get restless. The One ends it with a punch to the throat. Stallion goes back to the rope and rebounds but walks straight into a shoulder block. Stallion again uses the rope for momentum but The One is ready for a Sidewalk Slam.
Daniel: Stallion is making a sluggish start. I still don’t know if he is over Super Sexy Girl yet. He’s like a rabbi with a ham sandwich – it’s forbidden, but he wouldn’t half fancy a nibble.
The One tries to get some crowd response to his efforts but this allows Stallion some recovery time and he is ready with a Back Flip when The One charges him. He bounces straight back up though and regains the initiative with a poke to the eyes then a Twisting Neckbreaker. Stallion crawls to the rope but The One uses the bottom rope to choke him, placing a knee in his back while pulling the second rope under Stallion’s chin. Todd Franklin calls for a release – 1……………2…………….3…………….4. The One breaks with a smile on his face.
Daniel: Look at The One - He’s as happy as a puppy with a new collar.
But a clearly pissed Stallion hits him with a side kick as he rises and this brings some blood from The One’s lower lip. The taste angers him further so he picks Stallion up and launches a T-Bone suplex. Stallion lies motionless on the mat so The One goes to the turnbuckles for a Wish You Were Here Moonsault, but in looking to the sky, he misses Stallion’s recovery and, by the time he reaches the canvas, Stallion has rolled away.
Daniel: That’ll shift the momentum.
Max: The sight of The One’s ass is shifting my lunch.
Daniel: That’s not fair! He’s a fine figure of a man is The One.
Max: Oh, come on! His pectoral muscles make Pamela Anderson’s breasts look like mere mammary glands.
Daniel has no response to this so they turn their attention back to the ring where both men struggle to their feet. Stallion gets in a European Uppercut, but The One comes straight back with a Twisting Neckbreaker then, as a kicker, a God……..Like …….Elbow drop.
He starts to go to the ropes again but is brought up short by the big screen kicking into life…….
A montage of various wrestlers shows as a deep voiceover rumbles in the background.
‘There are wrestling hopefuls’ (footage of Beno and Blake Baker) ‘wrestling stars’ (Jason Silver and Sal Karver) ‘wrestling superstars’ (Killing Joke and JMC) ‘but there are few wrestling legends’ (footage of a WWF ring circa 2000. We can’t see who is wrestling but the camera zooms in on Earl Hebner as he slams the mat 1………2………..3. The crowd hold up various signs, prominent among which is the Degeneration X logo. The shot turns to negative and is flooded with points of light so that all we can see is that the winning wrestler has long hair and a moustache/beard combo.)
‘WrestlePower Wrestling is proud to announce the appearance of one of pro-wrestling’s most controversial legends at this year’s Redemption. Since his parting of the ways with obscure provincial company, The World Wrestling Federation, his career has been ex……..citing, ex……..ceptional, ex……..treme, and now he returns to the home of Sports Entertainment, Redemption! Expect the unexpected!
(The Redemption logo comes on screen obscuring the man on screen holding up a Championship belt.)
Max: Did he say X-P*ct the unexpected? I’m sure he said X-P*ct!
As the video finishes, Stallion comes up behind The One and pulls him into a Schoolboy Roll-up. Todd Franklin slams the mat…..
1………………….
2…………………
The One wriggles free just as Franklin’s hand starts to descend a third time. He stops it short and thrusts two fingers in the general direction of the time keeper. Stallion makes a plea for three, but gets an elbow in the chest, so resumes the fight. He butts The One in the midsection as he rises but The One uses the rope to absorb the blow and comes back with a knee to Stallion’s chest. Stallion spins and sinks to a sitting position where The One applies a nerve pinch to Stallion’s shoulder.
Daniel: The One’s hands are like lobster claws. I don’t know how The Stallion can get out of that.
Max: Aren’t we going to talk about the video?
Daniel: I’m going to ignore it and hope that it was all just a bad dream. This company was never closer to collapse than the last time a former WWE superstar stank up the ring any time he set foot in it.
Max: A masked man whose name closely resembled that of a former WWE superstar.
Daniel: I stand corrected, Max. Jeez, take over the mic, I’m going to throw up.
Daniel’s head disappears below the desk and we hear some authentic sounding barfing noises.
Max: Yeah, I think we all saw the video this week. Some hacker infected the WPW website with a……..beyond pornographic sick sick video starring two…….I hesitate to call them people…..indulging in something that you couldn’t really describe as sex. Shemales and monkeys don’t really have Syxxx, I mean sex.
Daniel makes more barfing noises. Let’s get back to the wrestling – it’s kinder that way.
The One maintains his hold on Stallion but Stallion just manages to hook his toes under the bottom rope and Franklin insists on the break.
Stallion rises, working the pain out of his shoulder, but staying close to the ropes. The One charges and Stallion drops, pulling down the top rope with him, causing The One to go tumbling over the top rope to the floor below. Stallion uses the ropes as a springboard and Crossbodies The One as he rises on the outside. The One catches him but goes flat and Stallion stays for a lateral press.
Daniel: Grouuuuuuuuuughghghgh. Stallion can’t win this one from there. This is not a falls count anywhere match.
Todd Franklin confirms this by counting both men out as they lie outwith the ring. He gets to seven and Stallion grudgingly rolls back in the ring, then straight back out to continue the offense against One. He hits him with a running forearm which also barges the timekeeper off his chair. Stallion’s eyes glint and he picks up the chair, readying it for attack.
Daniel: Oh, oh. Stallion won the match last week with a carefully aimed chair shot on Martin Cameron, and he as good as threatened The One with the same medicine this week.
He comes at the One with the chair above his head, ignoring Todd Franklin’s yells from the ring, but The One kicks him in the midsection before he can land a blow. He drops the chair, but is able to DDT The One who is still groggy from the earlier Crossbody. Stallion lifts him by the neck but is punched straight in the kidney and releases his hold. The One forearms him and pushes him back in the ring, then joins him by first applying an arm-bar. Stallion yells but rolls out of the hold and applies his own wrist lock on The One. The One kicks Stallion again and he drops the wrist. The One whips Stallion to the opposite rope and, following a quick God….Like….Pose, knees Stallion in the stomach. Stallion bends and The One goes for a Twisting Neckbreaker but is pushed in the back. He turns back into a Standing Dropkick from Stallion. Stallion scrambles for the cover.
1……………..2….Kick out by The One.
Daniel: Well, from a slow start, this contest has picked up and it’s difficult to pick a winner now. Will it be the single father, The One, or will his sleepless nights begin to take their toll on his stamina? Or will it be conflicted Stallion, reduced to talking to himself in an effort to exorcise his demons?
Max: Or will it be a no-contest, where the smart money has gone with Vegas Pete?
Daniel: I take it that by ‘smart money’ you mean the Stockton paycheck?
Max: I do, Daniel. Watch out ladies of the Orlando night - Max has got the dollars and he knows which garters they belong under!
Daniel shakes his head pityingly.
Stallion allows The One to get up but is quickly in with a Hurricanrana then a Knee drop. He covers again before The One can recover….
1…………but is thrust away before Franklin can get a two count on this occasion.
The One rakes Stallion’s back in getting to his feet and delivers a Headbutt before slapping on a Heaven’s Rest (Tazzmission)
Daniel: Oh, this’ll end it. Stallion has nowhere to go.
Stallion is indeed, stuck in the hold and is far from the ropes. He looks around for an escape and there is a pleading look in his eyes for some interference but in the absence of a tag partner, taps.
Todd Franklin calls for the bell.
Ding Ding
Mina: The winner of this match by Submission, The Onnnnnnnnnnnnne!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel: The One reverses last week’s tag decision at the hands of Stallion and JMC last week by his devastating Heaven’s Rest, and how different might that match have been if Stallion had landed a chair shot on him?
Max: Well, we shall never know, just as various Orlando hookers will never know the pleasures of the Stockton Sexpress, and Vegas Pete will never know the whereabouts of my savings account. I’d better……..uh………leave.
Daniel: Well, it’s been Tuesday Night and there sure has been some Turmoil. As ever, thanks for watching, and we’re truly, truly sorry for any upset caused by that Redemption promo. I sense the hand of the Killing Joke behind that one. We’ll clear it up for next week. Meantime, I’ve been Daniel Justice and Max has been fooled again. Roll the credits while I get this mess cleared up…….
Segments - Aperama
Scorch v Blake Baker - HBK619
Gunnar Brian v Jamie Parker - Scorch-Pac
The One v The Stallion - Legendaryken
Tuesday Night Turmoil!
March 10th, 2009
Edwards Hall
Miami, FL
Turmoil, after a quick flurry of opening credits, opens to.. Gunnar Brian, in an expensive suit backstage, in front of a large door with his name encircled by a gold star. Openly sneering at a female production assistant who, clearly under duress, fetches him a coffee, he takes a sip - and then spits it into the girl's face, holding at his face.
Gunnar: Useless.. I said one sugar. Did you think I didn't want it stirred in? Go find some man who can put you on your back and make you start popping out kids, or something. Ugh. Useless bitch.
He turns about - shaking his head as the production assistant scurries off, cleaning her face of scalding hot coffee - straight into Carlos Gonzales. He looks completely ruined - dressed in a cheap suit, his top button undone - no tie adorning him as he.. pushes.. Gunnar Brian. Gunnar is somewhat stunned at being physically provoked by Carlos - but clearly, is somewhat unphased by the push, not even so much as spilling his styrofoam-cup clad coffee.
Carlos: I miss the good old days. I miss the days when I could respect the people in my locker room. I miss the days when I could realise that every single person who held a championship belt within this company - my company - would be people I'd be able to proudly state to other companies. Now.. now what do I have? I have a nudist, a quintuplet of goons.. and a fucking womanbeater.
Gunnar: Can't hack it, old man? Quit. Alicia and I will take this wretched company off of your hands in a second. A second, old man. I've beaten every challenge you've thrown in front of me. Easily. You're useless.
Carlos: That would be why I stand in front of you now, you moron. That.. would be why. Because, you see, Gunnar, I stand at a crossroads.. I need to rid my company of the cancers that sit within it. And I need to start with the first. One.. one challenger, you've never beaten. You've never even faced him head to head.
Gunnar: Who? Who the fuck do you think can beat me? I'm the best this company has to offer, and you know it.
Instead of answering - Carlos thunders straight up with a right hand to Gunnar, laying him straight in the jaw. It's the surprise that knocks Gunnar back - spilling coffee all over his suit - stunned as he doubles into his door, and stares at the now-vacant spot that Carlos Gonzales was standing in.
Daniel: Welcome to Tuesday Night Turmoil!
Max: Did Carlos Gonzales just punch Gunnar Brian?
Daniel: I've got a better question for you.. was that a challenge?
Singles Match
Scorch Vs. Blake Baker
Daniel: Well, either way.. We start out tonight with up and comer Blake Baker going one on one with the former WPW Champion Scorch!
Max: You get the feeling these guys are motivated tonight?
Daniel: I really hope so. This could be a huge win for Baker, beating the former champion
“Cool Kids” hits the speakers, and Scorch makes his way down to the ring. He charges up to the turnbuckle, then “strikes a match”
Mina: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first: From Tinley Park, Illinois, weighing in at 240 pounds… Scorch!
Daniel: Scorch making his TNT return after several months
Max: Welcome back to TV
“Let It Rock” picks up in the arena, and Blake Baker approaches the apron. He rolls into the ring to a reaction of mixed cheers and boos.[/color]
Mina: And his opponent: From London, England, weighing in at 232 pounds… Blake Baker!
Daniel: And Blake Baker making his entrance, though he’s been a bit jaded as of late
Max: He’s not not sad
Daniel: Beautiful as always Max
Blake Baker looks around the ring for Scorch who is nowhere to be found. He soon realizes why, however, as Scorch appears behind him outside of the ring. He grabs Baker by his boots and trips him up, dragging him to the outside.
Daniel: And Scorch starts things off with a trip
Max: Blake Baker really should be paying attention, not a good way to start
Scorch kneels down next to Baker, cradles his head in his left hand, and begins delivering devastating punches one after the other to the face of the stunned Baker. He slowly lifts Baker up by the hair and drives his knee into his gut before pushing him forcefully into the steel guardrails. Scorch slides into the ring to break the count, then rolls back out, stomping heavily upon the chest of Baker a few times.
Daniel: Scorch look as if he has something to prove here tonight
Max: Or, Blake has decided to start a new career as a human punching bag. Whatever works
Scorch has Baker back to his feet once again and slams his face into the ring apron, Baker coming to rest upon it. Scorch grabs Baker by the waist, rolling him into the ring just at the 8 count from the referee. Scorch rolls him onto his back, and expecting the easy victory, simply lays his back against Baker’s side.
One…
Two…
T…Kickout!
Daniel: Blake kicks out
Max: And that’s really the first offense we’ve seen of him as of yet
Scorch rolls over onto his knees and looks at Baker, a little surprised at the life shown. However, he seems unaffected and lifts Baker up, sending him into the nearest corner with a simple toss by the head. He climbs up onto the middle rope and once again grabs Baker by the head, delivering the mandatory nine-punch, followed by a very strong tenth punch, which sends Baker collapsing to the mat. Scorch turns and sits on the top turnbuckle, pausing to admire the damaged caused to his opponent.
Max: Scorch is… wait for it… on fire tonight!
Daniel: How long have you been saving that gem?
Max: Oh, at least a few days. Worth it
Scorch slowly makes his way down from the turnbuckle and kicks Baker in the ribcage. He does it again, but this time Baker is ready for it and grabs his ankle, sending him off-balance. Baker grabs hold of Scorch’s leg and wrenches as much as he can until Scorch falls to the mat in surprise. Scorch falls against the ropes and the referee calls for a clean break.
Daniel: Blake Baker showing some signs of life, but Scorch was quick into the ropes
Max: So how smart a move was that really?
Scorch slides out of the ring, taking a second to catch himself, then slides back into the ring. Scorch walks a circle around the weakened Baker, contemplating, then picks him up by the hair once again. Scorch whips Baker across the ring and attempts a clothesline on the rebound. Baker ducks the attack. His momentum carries him into the opposite rope, and he springs off in an attempted cross body, but Scorch has this well scouted and side-steps the attack, sending Baker rolling across the ring.
Daniel: Once again, Baker is a victim of experience
Max: One day, one day
Scorch bolts towards the ropes to the left of Baker, springboarding backwards off of them in a Lionsault. His momentum carries him through and onto his knees, but he falls forward and hooks the leg of Baker to keep them away from the ropes.
One…
Two…
Thr…Kickout!
Daniel: Blake Baker again kicks out, showing a bit of his determination
Scorch pounds the mat, the frustration beginning to build. He returns to his original gameplan and drags Baker to the bottom rope, forcing the heel of his boot to the back of his neck, choking him upon the rope. The referee begins his five-count, and Scorch lets go just before the count of five. Scorch lifts Baker up, who is struggling for breath, and drops him down on his head with a strong, forceful DDT. Scorch looks over at Baker, and goes for the cover.
One…
Two…
Three…Kickout!
Daniel: I don’t believe this, Blake Baker again has the power to kick out
Max: But how much does he have left?
Daniel: We went into this match not knowing how much Baker was going to give. But it looks like he’s giving it his all here tonight
Scorch looks at the referee, telling him it should have been a three. Behind his back and out of view, Blake Baker has managed to get up to his knees. He musters up all he can and delivers a strong forearm to the small of the back of Scorch, dropping him down to his knees.
Daniel: And some more offense by Blake Baker here
Max: But not the powerful kind
Blake Baker realizes this may be his best chance to walk away with a victory, and slowly crawls towards the nearest corner. He climbs up to the second turnbuckle and stalks Scorch from behind as he slowly makes his way to his feet.
Daniel: Baker wanting a big move to finish off Scorch
Baker waits until Scorch is in prime positioning for a diving Famerasser, then takes a deep breath, and dives off of the turnbuckle. Scorch hears the clinking of the turnbuckle, however, and catches a glimpse of the man flying at him. Scorch’s first reaction is to grab the extended arm of Blake Baker, and they both fall to the mat. Carrying Baker’s forward momentum, Scorch keeps his tight grip upon the arm of Baker and rolls through into a bridge, looking for an armbar.
Daniel: What a counter by Scorch!
Max: That damn roll through move. It works half of the time, every time
Blake Baker battles, his left arm making long, wide strikes at the side of Scorch who each time attempts to trap his arm. Scorch wrenches back harder after Baker’s third strike and Baker screams out, his next attempted punch falling short of its mark. Scorch seizes the opportunity and locks his left arm in a chicken-wing, leaving Blake Baker with little chance to escape. He continues to fight, however, his legs both kicking against the mat, desperately attempting to free himself from the excruciating hold.
Daniel: And Scorch finally gets the submission
Soon, the kicking subsides, and Baker’s body is left lifeless, face down on the mat and in the arms of Scorch. The referee checks the arm of Baker, and lets it fall once. The referee then calls for the bell, noting that Baker has passed out.
Mina: Here is your winner… Scorch!
Max: Scorch gets the submission win here tonight
Daniel: Why did the referee only check once?
Max: It’s a mixed bag. Sometimes they check once, sometimes three
Daniel: It looks like Baker wasn’t able to give just enough to pull out a win here tonight.
Non-Title Singles Match
Jamie Parker Vs. Gunnar Brian
Daniel: Jamie Parker returned at the Brawl with an impressive showing in the Brawl For It All match and has carried that momentum with him in the form of a win over the WPW Champion The Killing Joke, no relation to DC comics.
Max: Though it may have had an influence on his name, not that it matters.
Daniel: Anyway as I was saying he has the momentum and he looks to get even more as he tries to take down the WPW Florida State Champion…
Max: Does that mean he is going to have to forfeit wins for academic fraud?
Daniel: Stop using American collegiate sports references, you are confusing our audience. I should also note that Mina Henderson has given word that until her demands are met she will not do any ring announcing for any match involving Gunnar Brian.
Max: She needs to stop being such a baby and do her job.
Daniel: If you knew some of the rumored treatment she has received from Gunnar backstage you might have a different opinion on the matter.
“The Other Side” hits the speakers and Gunnar Brian emerges from the back with the Florida State Title around his waist and women beatin’ hands on the ends of his wrists. Gunnar raises his left hand, a bit bruised, the result of anger at a tough to open bottle of cheap booze, though he brags it was from shutting up a heckling female fan, seemed a bit wordy actually. One fan comments about the random changes in tenses and of course being a woman nobody pays her any attention, but Gunnar tells her to shut up anyways. He then looks at the ring before climbing in and waiting for his victim, er opponent, keep the suspense going.
Max: Gunnar looks like he wants to tear somebody apart here tonight.
Daniel: Well that is no easy task against a man like Jamie Parker, who was surprisingly quiet this week.
Max: I know, a guy like that normally loves to run his mouth.
“The Prisoner” takes over the sound system as Jamie Parker comes out from the back to a mix of boos, cheers, apathy, and excessively long chants about sleeping with somebody’s mum cause somebody has a speech impediment and cannot say mom and the crowd runs with it all while being in the spirit of a crowd at a big UEFA match where chants can seem more like songs, not unlike those song for individual players in the Japanese baseball leagues, learning can be fun. Parker seems a bit distracted by something as he gets to the ring, something that will not be acknowledge again in the match. He climbs into the ring and the bell rings after a brief time in which the referee explains what is going on. The two are about to have a wrestling match, weird, we know.
Max: This crowd seems a bit confused here tonight.
Daniel: You are right about that, they hate Gunnar, but they seem unsure how they should react to Parker and his seemingly self professed new more honest approach.
Gunnar looks over at Parker and mouths something ending in “you”. Parker smirks back at him and motions for him to “bring it”. It of course being some sort of physical act of violence, at least that tends to be the understood meaning of the term. While this distraction was taking place, a number of moves occurred, really by now you may have noticed that the feed was lost from the show after a fan accidently kicked one of the wires from out of the production table on their way to get concessions, we think they were getting a Snickers, not to be confused with the reaction of one female WPW employee that launched Gunnar’s anti-women crusade, but then that was supposed to be a secret, could just be a rumor.
Daniel: Let us apologize to you fans out there, we had some technical difficulties there.
Max: Yes, but you did not miss much.
Daniel: There were some moves, some harsher then others, Parker focused on the body of Gunnar, while the Florida State Champion focused on the arm of Parker.
Max: Right or left arm?
Daniel: Yes.
Once the feed has returned after a few minutes, cleverly covered by use of an old Jamie Parker football instructional video, he taught kids about the offsides rule, fascinating stuff. Anyway when the feed finally returns, Parker is applying a leg lock submission a bit too close to the ropes as Gunnar reaches for them to get the break.
Daniel: You have to think Parker may have gotten better leverage if Gunnar had not worked the arm during the technical difficulties.
Max: I could think something else, but it certain seems like a possibility. It is a smart strategy from Gunnar. Having only one functional arm several limits the abilities of any wrestler, even one so used to using his feet such as Jamie Parker.
Parker looks a bit confused at first by his seeming gaffe before he begins to chastise the official saying that he should have been listening because Gunnar gave up. Both Gunnar and the referee insist otherwise, though Gunnar’s objection comes in the form of a hard punch to the back of the head. The move staggers Parker forward a bit, knocking him to a knee for a moment. When he turns around he finds himself planted on his skull with a quick DDT. Gunnar immediately turns him over onto his back and hooks the leg for the cover…
One…
Max: What a brutal move there, this has to have ended it.
Two…
Daniel: I think you might be right about that one.
Jamie Parker kicks out of the pin attempt to the delight of portions of the crowd, some wanting to see him win, others just wanting to get their money’s worth and see the two men tear each other apart. Either way they appear they may be getting their wish as Parker gets up throwing hard rights, strange for a former footballer to use his upper body so much. Gunnar seems to notice this two and gets in a bit too close then gets hit with a hard punt to the midsection. He drops at the waist and Parker goes to kick him straight in the face, but Gunnar moves, and the kick just grazes him. Parker’s boot appears to catch the chin of the Florida State Champion, thought we forgot about that huh, nope, just never seemed relevant before this point, though Max that it meant something, Daniel too, oh right the chin thing, yes it cut Gunnar open a little, not much unlike he had cut himself shaving.
Daniel: You were wrong by the way, it was not over.
Max: Way to stay on top of things there, Danny boy.
Daniel: You know you could add something to the show too..
Max: It has been almost three years, why start now.
Gunnar puts his hand on his chin and rubs it slightly. Then he looks at the very small amount of blood on his finger and something seems to click inside. Parker runs at him and Gunnar takes him down with an armdrag, holding on into an armbar submission hold. Gunnar screams out as he applies more pressure to the hold, trying to yank the arm from its socket. Parker starts to shout as well, both a mix of pain and an attempt to get the crowd behind him. It only seems to work a little bit as the crowd remains confused over whether to cheer the man who hates the company, or the man who seems to disdain his coworkers. Either way, Gunnar takes advantage of his positioning in the ring and each time the ref asks Parker if he wishes to tap, the resourceful champion uses the ropes for some extra leverage on the hold. After around four tries of this a little boy yells “he’s using the [sic] ropes!” causing the referee to turn and catch Gunnar in the act. He forces Gunnar to break the hold who does so by lifting Parker up by the arm then slamming it down to the mat.
Daniel: What a sickening display by this twisted man.
Max: He is simply showing what makes him one of the most dangerous men in the business.
Gunnar looks at Parker’s position on the mat and then to the top rope. He looks at the direction of the boy and spits out towards him, the saliva not really going anywhere, some of it landing on Gunnar’s boot to the amusement of the boy and many more in the crowd. He pays it no attention as he ascends the ropes and again screams something ending in “you” before flipping back towards Parker with Brian’s Best and hitting a beautiful moonsault onto the mat. Gunnar grabs his chest as he rolls onto his back and Parker rolls back over onto him…
One…
Daniel: Gunnar has learned a harsh lesson. Always look before you leap.
Two…
Oh right if you had not noticed, Parker rolled out of the way and when he rolled back onto Gunnar, the Florida State Champion was or well now is in a pinning predicament and well oh right back to now…
Gunnar kicks out, looking a bit confused as to how he nearly lost.
Max: And Parker has learned that Gunnar cannot be kept down that easily.
The two men stagger back up to their feet, Parker favoring his arm, Gunnar still regaining his breathe after the force of his collision with the mat. The two lock up as Gunnar forces him into the corner, just pushing all his weight against the injured arm of Parker, pinning the arm between his body and the turnbuckle. Parker tries not to scream but the pain on his face is clear. The official tells Gunnar to take it out of the corner and he responds by stepping through the ropes. He then tells the official “fine I will let go” and does, after dropping down to the floor, still holding Parker’s arm and nearly breaking it over the ropes. Parker lays on the ground holding his arm as the referee asks “are you ok” to which Parker replies with an unconvincing “yes!” Gunnar slides back in the ring and waits for Parker to get back up. The former football star starts to lift himself but falls back down having mistakenly tried to put weight on the now seemingly injured arm.
Daniel: I think Parker may have a severely injured arm.
Max: If that is the case, then he has only himself to blame.
Daniel: I think Gunnar may have helped make things worse.
Max: Gunnar has only been working to win this match.
Daniel: He seems to be delighting in hurting Parker.
Max: Well Jamie is a girl’s name.
Gunnar tells Parker “here, let me help you” and starts to lift Parker. Once Parker in up a bit off the mat Gunnar kicks him hard in the triceps area before yanking him upright and applying a hammerlock. He tells Parker to “go on, tap!” but before Parker can respond Gunnar violently spins him around and wrenches the arm once more. He then pulls Parker in, driving the air out of his lungs with a harsh knee. Gunnar puts Parker’s head between his legs then lifts him up and locks his hands before driving him down headfirst in the middle of the ring with the Raven Coloured Streak! Gunnar lays over the fallen Parker, putting his weight down on the arm he has been working over all match, mostly to be a Rich or Rick or, Richy, some nickname derivative of Richard, and also because it is good strategy…
One…
Daniel: Okay, Max, now you can say it.
Two…
Max: I want to pound the fu…
Daniel: No the other thing, not time for that yet
Max: Oh right, this one is over folks.
Three…consecutive exclamation points!! (like those).
Daniel: Gunnar Brian has defeated Jamie Parker here tonight. Let us remind you that Mina Henderson has refused to do any ring announcing for a Gunnar Brian match until her demands are met so there will be no official announcement of the winner.
Max: Here comes a woman who knows her place.
Daniel: People like you and Gunnar disgust me.
Max: Because we give men a bad name?
Daniel: No because, wait yes, that is exactly why.
Alicia appears at the top of the stage and quickly walks over and grabs the Florida State Title from a worker who had taken it from the Time Keeper’s table. She pushes the young man down and tells him she can have his job when he starts to get up looking like he was thinking of coming after her, and not in the rough way she likes, according to that video rumoured to be about to hit the internet soon. Gunnar forces the ref to raise his hand before he rolls out of the ring and takes the belt from Alicia as the two walk up the ramp gloating, while officials come to help Parker out of the ring, checking on his arm. One of them appears to throw up an X with his hands, though it is only caught on the side in the background of the shot for a few frames. He may have just been directing some of the other workers to set up for the next segment or match, whatever it ends up being, probably nothing with pie, certainly not French Silk.
We return from break to 'Too Cold' by Vanilla Ice - Ethan Frost swaggering out as best as he can to the droning disapproval of the audience.. at least, once he reveals he has a microphone in his hand. He slides underneath the bottom ropes, and holds his arms out in triumph, as though he's just finished running a marathon.
Frost: Well, I just finished flying in from Palo Alto, and boy are my arms tired!
Frost doubles over himself in laughter. Someone throws an empty popcorn bucket into the ring. They miss.
Frost: Jokes aside.. I'm here to talk about the biggest show of WPW's yearly calendar - yup, that's right, WPW's Easter Extravaganza! On the Easter Extravaganza, three lucky kids will get to go on an easter egg hunt through the WPW roster's locker rooms - and you'd better believe there are gonna be some chocolate bunnies through the mix. If you'd like to apply for the Easter Extravaganza, show us your treasure searching skills by sending a Youtube address to my personal internet address, Frostisaf-a-g@WPW.com! (I'm really lucky, 'cause Ethan and EthanFrost and Frost were taken, but Frost is a Funny, Awesome Guy wasn't!)
A few people begin to laugh.. at him, not with him. He looks confused at the laughs, but smiles anyway, brushing through his momma's boy haircut and then pushing the microphone to his lips again.
Frost: On a less important note, we have Redemption coming up. I'm not too excited. Except for one thing - the Sell your Soul match! Last year, this was a real winner, so we thought we'd do it again this year. And they let me be in charge of the match! So.. now, I'll want you all to bear with me. Have we got the.. ah, good.
A PA slides a large easel into the ring with a sketch-pad upon it. The lighting dims slightly to make it easier to read Ethan's writing.
[/URL]
Frost: Now you guys might all be a little confused. Because, see, I've always thought that the best type of match is always one of those ones where you have to hit your opponents into the corners. Only, because this is a four-man match, we need to have something to single them out. So everyone will be in their own colors. Whoever's in red has to hit the turnbuckles. Now, I've invested some company funds into glowing turnbuckles, which will work off of one of four colors, which will work in conjunction with these RFID tags that each of the wrestlers will have attached around their heads, in a headband. If any wrestler's color gets lit up four times, they're out! OUT I SAY! So it's an elimination match, just like last time. When it gets to two, instead of a ladder, we're gonna have a 'trapdoor' match - whoever can go through the trapdoor first wins! And hopefully nobody breaks their neck like that time with the Ultimate Warrior!
Frost holds his arms out, as though expecting dozens of people to burst out into cheers. They simply react.. stunned. Frost holds his hands out, mouthing 'it gets better!' before turning over the easel once more..
(http://img16.imageshack.us/my.php?image=frostimage.jpg)
Frost: So I was thinking, how to make this match even bigger. How to drive this match through the ceiling and straight to the MOON. And then I thought.. we need a special guest referee. But not just any special guest referee. I'll have you know that a large portion of WPW's yearly budget has gone into this.. this monumental referee we've taken. Admittedly, he has no wrestling experience, and we've not confirmed him just yet, but I can tell you with 99% certainty that the man.. the legend.. Lieutenant Commander Quinton McHale himself.. That guy who was in that episode of the Simpsons where Bart becomes a boy scout.. yup, that's right.. ERNEST BORGNINE!
The crowd continues to act confused. Finally, sick of it, someone storms down the entrance ramp, microphone in hand, sliding under the ropes and getting into Ethan's face - it's.. Carlos Gonzales!
Carlos: Frost..
He simply lets the microphone drop to the ground, and punches Ethan straight in the face, his nose immediately gushing out blood. Carlos is no trained wrestler - but Ethan reels with the punch, drooling his blood straight over Carlos as he receives a headbutt for his trouble, doubling through the ropes and collapsing through his easel - but Carlos isn't done. Taking a b-line for Ethan, he grabs Ethan's head and forces it into the steel steps - creating yet another gusher of blood upon the floor. Only a few people feel particularly sorry - or so the cheers that begin to envelop the arena would suggest as Carlos mounts Ethan, then begins punching him in the face again and again. His cheap suit gets covered in more and more blood with each new punch to the face - and a number of men in black shirts have to pull him off of Ethan, his blood-soaked form heaving hard with breaths as he looks out to the audience, exasperated.
[U]Singles Main Event
The One Vs. The Stallion
Daniel: Well, what a long strange trip it’s been, but finally we come to the climax of this evening’s entertainment with……………why the sniggering, Max?
Max: You said ‘climax’, Daniel.
Daniel: What age are you, Max? 12?
Max: I’m in my thirties, Daniel, as you well know.
Daniel: Your thirties? Max, you’ve got shirts older than that.
Max: Um………..yeah………hand-me-downs from my father.
Daniel: So, who was President when you were born?
Max sits with his mouth opened for a few seconds, trying to do some calculations.
Max: ……..Al Gore?
Daniel: My apologies, Max. You are obviously 12 years old. I’m sorry for doubting you.
Max (Not sure if Daniel is taking the piss) : Yeah……….well…….hey!
Ding Ding
Mina: This next match is to be decided by one fall and is between, weighing in at 245lbs and hailing from Saint Paul, Minnesota, he is The Onnnnnnnnnneeeeee!!!!!!!!
The lights cut out and The One’s entrance begins as usual.
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
A spot comes on to focus on The One at the entrance area. He looks up at the sound of ‘The Hand That Feeds’ by Nine Inch Nails crashes into the hall and he seems to mouth the word ‘Kayla’ before he walks to the ring and completes his God Like Pose on two of the turnbuckles.
Daniel: This is a man still haunted by the memory of his dead wife.
Max: Is he? That’s spooky. Does she wear a white sheet and rattle chains?
Daniel: I don’t think he’s haunted in that sense, Max. I meant he’s haunted by the memory.
Max: Maybe he should get in an exorcist.
Daniel: Maybe not.
Max (sings) : Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!
He does a little dance in his chair while singing the rest of the tune, getting half of the words wrong.
Mina: His opponent, weighing in at 215lbs and hailing from Dallas, Texas, he is…………The Stalllllllllionnnnnnnn!!!!!!!
‘Take On Me’ by the Reel Big Fish remains Stallion’s music of choice though his appearance at the entrance is less animated than usual. His cheers are as loud as ever but Stallion seems a little half-hearted in his slapping of the hands of the crowd who lean over the railings for some contact with WPW’s most popular wrestler. He gets to the ring but doesn’t move to the music, instead testing the bounce of the top rope then kissing his lucky necklace, all the while keeping his eyes firmly on The One.
The One smiles back as he adjusts his arm pads.
Ding Ding
Referee Todd Franklin brings his hand down between the two wrestlers to signal the start of the contest and The One begins to circle round to Stallion’s corner. Stallion moves away then the two men lunge at each other to apply a head lock. They connect briefly then The One shoves Stallion away, but Stallion retaliates with a Spinning Heel Kick. The One chops him in return, then there is a brief exchange of chops before the crowd get restless. The One ends it with a punch to the throat. Stallion goes back to the rope and rebounds but walks straight into a shoulder block. Stallion again uses the rope for momentum but The One is ready for a Sidewalk Slam.
Daniel: Stallion is making a sluggish start. I still don’t know if he is over Super Sexy Girl yet. He’s like a rabbi with a ham sandwich – it’s forbidden, but he wouldn’t half fancy a nibble.
The One tries to get some crowd response to his efforts but this allows Stallion some recovery time and he is ready with a Back Flip when The One charges him. He bounces straight back up though and regains the initiative with a poke to the eyes then a Twisting Neckbreaker. Stallion crawls to the rope but The One uses the bottom rope to choke him, placing a knee in his back while pulling the second rope under Stallion’s chin. Todd Franklin calls for a release – 1……………2…………….3…………….4. The One breaks with a smile on his face.
Daniel: Look at The One - He’s as happy as a puppy with a new collar.
But a clearly pissed Stallion hits him with a side kick as he rises and this brings some blood from The One’s lower lip. The taste angers him further so he picks Stallion up and launches a T-Bone suplex. Stallion lies motionless on the mat so The One goes to the turnbuckles for a Wish You Were Here Moonsault, but in looking to the sky, he misses Stallion’s recovery and, by the time he reaches the canvas, Stallion has rolled away.
Daniel: That’ll shift the momentum.
Max: The sight of The One’s ass is shifting my lunch.
Daniel: That’s not fair! He’s a fine figure of a man is The One.
Max: Oh, come on! His pectoral muscles make Pamela Anderson’s breasts look like mere mammary glands.
Daniel has no response to this so they turn their attention back to the ring where both men struggle to their feet. Stallion gets in a European Uppercut, but The One comes straight back with a Twisting Neckbreaker then, as a kicker, a God……..Like …….Elbow drop.
He starts to go to the ropes again but is brought up short by the big screen kicking into life…….
A montage of various wrestlers shows as a deep voiceover rumbles in the background.
‘There are wrestling hopefuls’ (footage of Beno and Blake Baker) ‘wrestling stars’ (Jason Silver and Sal Karver) ‘wrestling superstars’ (Killing Joke and JMC) ‘but there are few wrestling legends’ (footage of a WWF ring circa 2000. We can’t see who is wrestling but the camera zooms in on Earl Hebner as he slams the mat 1………2………..3. The crowd hold up various signs, prominent among which is the Degeneration X logo. The shot turns to negative and is flooded with points of light so that all we can see is that the winning wrestler has long hair and a moustache/beard combo.)
‘WrestlePower Wrestling is proud to announce the appearance of one of pro-wrestling’s most controversial legends at this year’s Redemption. Since his parting of the ways with obscure provincial company, The World Wrestling Federation, his career has been ex……..citing, ex……..ceptional, ex……..treme, and now he returns to the home of Sports Entertainment, Redemption! Expect the unexpected!
(The Redemption logo comes on screen obscuring the man on screen holding up a Championship belt.)
Max: Did he say X-P*ct the unexpected? I’m sure he said X-P*ct!
As the video finishes, Stallion comes up behind The One and pulls him into a Schoolboy Roll-up. Todd Franklin slams the mat…..
1………………….
2…………………
The One wriggles free just as Franklin’s hand starts to descend a third time. He stops it short and thrusts two fingers in the general direction of the time keeper. Stallion makes a plea for three, but gets an elbow in the chest, so resumes the fight. He butts The One in the midsection as he rises but The One uses the rope to absorb the blow and comes back with a knee to Stallion’s chest. Stallion spins and sinks to a sitting position where The One applies a nerve pinch to Stallion’s shoulder.
Daniel: The One’s hands are like lobster claws. I don’t know how The Stallion can get out of that.
Max: Aren’t we going to talk about the video?
Daniel: I’m going to ignore it and hope that it was all just a bad dream. This company was never closer to collapse than the last time a former WWE superstar stank up the ring any time he set foot in it.
Max: A masked man whose name closely resembled that of a former WWE superstar.
Daniel: I stand corrected, Max. Jeez, take over the mic, I’m going to throw up.
Daniel’s head disappears below the desk and we hear some authentic sounding barfing noises.
Max: Yeah, I think we all saw the video this week. Some hacker infected the WPW website with a……..beyond pornographic sick sick video starring two…….I hesitate to call them people…..indulging in something that you couldn’t really describe as sex. Shemales and monkeys don’t really have Syxxx, I mean sex.
Daniel makes more barfing noises. Let’s get back to the wrestling – it’s kinder that way.
The One maintains his hold on Stallion but Stallion just manages to hook his toes under the bottom rope and Franklin insists on the break.
Stallion rises, working the pain out of his shoulder, but staying close to the ropes. The One charges and Stallion drops, pulling down the top rope with him, causing The One to go tumbling over the top rope to the floor below. Stallion uses the ropes as a springboard and Crossbodies The One as he rises on the outside. The One catches him but goes flat and Stallion stays for a lateral press.
Daniel: Grouuuuuuuuuughghghgh. Stallion can’t win this one from there. This is not a falls count anywhere match.
Todd Franklin confirms this by counting both men out as they lie outwith the ring. He gets to seven and Stallion grudgingly rolls back in the ring, then straight back out to continue the offense against One. He hits him with a running forearm which also barges the timekeeper off his chair. Stallion’s eyes glint and he picks up the chair, readying it for attack.
Daniel: Oh, oh. Stallion won the match last week with a carefully aimed chair shot on Martin Cameron, and he as good as threatened The One with the same medicine this week.
He comes at the One with the chair above his head, ignoring Todd Franklin’s yells from the ring, but The One kicks him in the midsection before he can land a blow. He drops the chair, but is able to DDT The One who is still groggy from the earlier Crossbody. Stallion lifts him by the neck but is punched straight in the kidney and releases his hold. The One forearms him and pushes him back in the ring, then joins him by first applying an arm-bar. Stallion yells but rolls out of the hold and applies his own wrist lock on The One. The One kicks Stallion again and he drops the wrist. The One whips Stallion to the opposite rope and, following a quick God….Like….Pose, knees Stallion in the stomach. Stallion bends and The One goes for a Twisting Neckbreaker but is pushed in the back. He turns back into a Standing Dropkick from Stallion. Stallion scrambles for the cover.
1……………..2….Kick out by The One.
Daniel: Well, from a slow start, this contest has picked up and it’s difficult to pick a winner now. Will it be the single father, The One, or will his sleepless nights begin to take their toll on his stamina? Or will it be conflicted Stallion, reduced to talking to himself in an effort to exorcise his demons?
Max: Or will it be a no-contest, where the smart money has gone with Vegas Pete?
Daniel: I take it that by ‘smart money’ you mean the Stockton paycheck?
Max: I do, Daniel. Watch out ladies of the Orlando night - Max has got the dollars and he knows which garters they belong under!
Daniel shakes his head pityingly.
Stallion allows The One to get up but is quickly in with a Hurricanrana then a Knee drop. He covers again before The One can recover….
1…………but is thrust away before Franklin can get a two count on this occasion.
The One rakes Stallion’s back in getting to his feet and delivers a Headbutt before slapping on a Heaven’s Rest (Tazzmission)
Daniel: Oh, this’ll end it. Stallion has nowhere to go.
Stallion is indeed, stuck in the hold and is far from the ropes. He looks around for an escape and there is a pleading look in his eyes for some interference but in the absence of a tag partner, taps.
Todd Franklin calls for the bell.
Ding Ding
Mina: The winner of this match by Submission, The Onnnnnnnnnnnnne!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel: The One reverses last week’s tag decision at the hands of Stallion and JMC last week by his devastating Heaven’s Rest, and how different might that match have been if Stallion had landed a chair shot on him?
Max: Well, we shall never know, just as various Orlando hookers will never know the pleasures of the Stockton Sexpress, and Vegas Pete will never know the whereabouts of my savings account. I’d better……..uh………leave.
Daniel: Well, it’s been Tuesday Night and there sure has been some Turmoil. As ever, thanks for watching, and we’re truly, truly sorry for any upset caused by that Redemption promo. I sense the hand of the Killing Joke behind that one. We’ll clear it up for next week. Meantime, I’ve been Daniel Justice and Max has been fooled again. Roll the credits while I get this mess cleared up…….
Segments - Aperama
Scorch v Blake Baker - HBK619
Gunnar Brian v Jamie Parker - Scorch-Pac
The One v The Stallion - Legendaryken