Mike Adams
02-11-2009, 09:14 PM
WPW Tuesday Night
Live!
February 10th, 2009
Freebird
Jacksonville Beach, FL
(Editor's Note: Apologies for this rather disjointed review of Live, I was unable to attend the show, car trouble. By the time I got there, the only reports I was able to gather was from two drunkards, named Dusty and One Eye (despite having both of his eyes) hanging around outside the arena singing "Freebird", non ironically)
The Genuine Articles (Brent Richards & Jackson Strong) vs Pepsi™ Man & Senhor Culotte Gaie
Dusty: Now I may not have been drunk yet when this match started, but correct me if I'm wrong One Eye, but I saw a giant sperm running around the ring right?
One Eye: Definitely a giant sperm, and I think he was teamed up with Captain Gilbert Scissorhands or something like that.
Dusty: Yeah and I didn't catch the name of the man dressed in Pepsi attire but his partner Seen Your Coup Lot Gay was a pretty good hand in the ring there. Lots of flippy floppy chain wrestling stuffs.
One Eye: Oh yeah definitely, there was some solid back and forth with those four guys. But the finish was a little bit weird.
Dusty: Boy, I'll say. The sperm guy sprayed the Pepsi dude with Coca cola from his...head, I guess. He went down like instantly, almost like coca Cola was his kyrptonite or something, then that Sweeneygrape Edward Sparrow guy pinned him and they won the match.
Brock Goodman vs Blade LaVigne & Beno
One Eye: I went out to get some more beer during this match, what the heck happened dust? It was over before I got back.
Dusty: Well actually if I recall correctly, the match didn't even take place. You see those two idiots Blade and Beno were in the ring dancing around and skipping but that Brock dude never came out.
One Eye: Why not?
Dusty: Well I overheard some kids talking about something they heard on Facespace about Ethan calling that dude and telling him not to bother showing up for Live.
One Eye: Did they say why not?
Dusty: Something about not wanting to give the LaVaginas a chance to show something in their final match or something like that. I'm not really sure, all I remember is pelting one of them in the head with a bottle once we knew there'd be no match.
Christopher Asmodeus vs Lance Burkehart
One Eye: Okay when I got back there was this freaky looking dude standing in the ring, I think it was Chris Cage or something.
Dusty: Nah his last name was Amadeus, you know like that mute composer guy.
One Eye: Oh right, that's him. Well anyway, he scared the shit out of me. And this match really didn't last long. That other guy tried to fight back, but once the scary dude got him in a choke hold...the other dude just passed out.
Dusty: Yeah, he had to be like pulled away from the guy so he didn't kill him. Match was scary enough that we needed more beer.
Gunnar Brian vs James Moriarty Cassius
Dusty: Oh yeah! The former world champ fought tonight, didn't he?? That guy that looks like the dude from the Batman flicks! He was awesome!
One Eye: He really was, I mean the dude has clearly lost a few steps since he was gone for so long and got injured, but it was still a great match.
Dusty: Yeah, I mean what do you say One Eye, this one went at least 20-25 minutes?
One Eye: Had to at least, there were a lot of false finishes and double knockdowns and stuff. Gunnar was really trying to prove something out there I think. Luckily there weren't any women there for him to punch.
Dusty: Yeah I thought ol' Jimmy had him in that Sharpshooter thing he does, but Gunnar was able to crawl towards the ropes after almost tapping a couple times.
One Eye: Oh dude, don't jump ahead, you forgot that James kicked out of that big ass moonsault Gunnar does. We were all shocked Cassius kicked out of that to continue the match.
Dusty: Right! How could I forget about that? Well anyways, so they continued a bit longer than that. James was taking advantage of the back he weakened on Gunnar. Jimbo wanted to do that flippy move that hot little blonde chick used to do in WWE.
One Eye: Yeah, the molly go Round or something, but somehow Gunnar caught him and drove him down to the mat, hooked the tights and stole the win. What an awesome match.
Dan Murph vs Van Risen
One Eye: Now see the main event was the one I was really looking forward to, but I think Dan was too distracted.
Dusty: Yeah definitely, all those daddy issues and shit I think are gettin to him. But he did give it a valiant effort for Van, but I think Van was just more focused.
One Eye: Well not too mention that James came out still sore from his last match and watched the entire main event. That had to get Danny boy distracted.
Dusty: Yeah but after Dan powered out of that pedigree thing Van did, it seemed like he was gonna win.
One Eye: Yeah Dan had him up for the Cyclone thinger, but Van landed on his feet and locked in that choke thing. Once Dan fell down and got grapevined he passed out.
Dusty: I give that guy credit for not tapping though, what a tough bastard.
(Editor's Note: Right after Dusty said this, they both proceeded to puke on me, so I had to get new pants and couldn't get their closing comments. Sounded like a solid show for the most part though.)
Live!
February 10th, 2009
Freebird
Jacksonville Beach, FL
(Editor's Note: Apologies for this rather disjointed review of Live, I was unable to attend the show, car trouble. By the time I got there, the only reports I was able to gather was from two drunkards, named Dusty and One Eye (despite having both of his eyes) hanging around outside the arena singing "Freebird", non ironically)
The Genuine Articles (Brent Richards & Jackson Strong) vs Pepsi™ Man & Senhor Culotte Gaie
Dusty: Now I may not have been drunk yet when this match started, but correct me if I'm wrong One Eye, but I saw a giant sperm running around the ring right?
One Eye: Definitely a giant sperm, and I think he was teamed up with Captain Gilbert Scissorhands or something like that.
Dusty: Yeah and I didn't catch the name of the man dressed in Pepsi attire but his partner Seen Your Coup Lot Gay was a pretty good hand in the ring there. Lots of flippy floppy chain wrestling stuffs.
One Eye: Oh yeah definitely, there was some solid back and forth with those four guys. But the finish was a little bit weird.
Dusty: Boy, I'll say. The sperm guy sprayed the Pepsi dude with Coca cola from his...head, I guess. He went down like instantly, almost like coca Cola was his kyrptonite or something, then that Sweeneygrape Edward Sparrow guy pinned him and they won the match.
Brock Goodman vs Blade LaVigne & Beno
One Eye: I went out to get some more beer during this match, what the heck happened dust? It was over before I got back.
Dusty: Well actually if I recall correctly, the match didn't even take place. You see those two idiots Blade and Beno were in the ring dancing around and skipping but that Brock dude never came out.
One Eye: Why not?
Dusty: Well I overheard some kids talking about something they heard on Facespace about Ethan calling that dude and telling him not to bother showing up for Live.
One Eye: Did they say why not?
Dusty: Something about not wanting to give the LaVaginas a chance to show something in their final match or something like that. I'm not really sure, all I remember is pelting one of them in the head with a bottle once we knew there'd be no match.
Christopher Asmodeus vs Lance Burkehart
One Eye: Okay when I got back there was this freaky looking dude standing in the ring, I think it was Chris Cage or something.
Dusty: Nah his last name was Amadeus, you know like that mute composer guy.
One Eye: Oh right, that's him. Well anyway, he scared the shit out of me. And this match really didn't last long. That other guy tried to fight back, but once the scary dude got him in a choke hold...the other dude just passed out.
Dusty: Yeah, he had to be like pulled away from the guy so he didn't kill him. Match was scary enough that we needed more beer.
Gunnar Brian vs James Moriarty Cassius
Dusty: Oh yeah! The former world champ fought tonight, didn't he?? That guy that looks like the dude from the Batman flicks! He was awesome!
One Eye: He really was, I mean the dude has clearly lost a few steps since he was gone for so long and got injured, but it was still a great match.
Dusty: Yeah, I mean what do you say One Eye, this one went at least 20-25 minutes?
One Eye: Had to at least, there were a lot of false finishes and double knockdowns and stuff. Gunnar was really trying to prove something out there I think. Luckily there weren't any women there for him to punch.
Dusty: Yeah I thought ol' Jimmy had him in that Sharpshooter thing he does, but Gunnar was able to crawl towards the ropes after almost tapping a couple times.
One Eye: Oh dude, don't jump ahead, you forgot that James kicked out of that big ass moonsault Gunnar does. We were all shocked Cassius kicked out of that to continue the match.
Dusty: Right! How could I forget about that? Well anyways, so they continued a bit longer than that. James was taking advantage of the back he weakened on Gunnar. Jimbo wanted to do that flippy move that hot little blonde chick used to do in WWE.
One Eye: Yeah, the molly go Round or something, but somehow Gunnar caught him and drove him down to the mat, hooked the tights and stole the win. What an awesome match.
Dan Murph vs Van Risen
One Eye: Now see the main event was the one I was really looking forward to, but I think Dan was too distracted.
Dusty: Yeah definitely, all those daddy issues and shit I think are gettin to him. But he did give it a valiant effort for Van, but I think Van was just more focused.
One Eye: Well not too mention that James came out still sore from his last match and watched the entire main event. That had to get Danny boy distracted.
Dusty: Yeah but after Dan powered out of that pedigree thing Van did, it seemed like he was gonna win.
One Eye: Yeah Dan had him up for the Cyclone thinger, but Van landed on his feet and locked in that choke thing. Once Dan fell down and got grapevined he passed out.
Dusty: I give that guy credit for not tapping though, what a tough bastard.
(Editor's Note: Right after Dusty said this, they both proceeded to puke on me, so I had to get new pants and couldn't get their closing comments. Sounded like a solid show for the most part though.)