The Judge
07-16-2007, 02:59 AM
WPW Sunday Night Live!
July 15th, 2007
Paradise Interprises
Greenwood, Florida
The Main Man vs. Beno
Tonight’s show is brought to you by Wickedpedia, the highly inaccurate online information resource and by Trojan condoms, fresh from their highly successful involvement in the Mike Adams stag party. First match tonight sees the return of Michael Maddox, the Main Man against the man who cannot win – Beno. Well, guess what, sportsmen everywhere – Beno won. Yes, that’s right. Hell has frozen over, Elvis has been found very much alive and Rosie O’Donnell is looking quite attractive these days. I’ll repeat that scoreline. Beno won. The Beno Bomb connected for once and the Main Man was rendered speechless, his shoulders being held to the mat for a count of 12. Yes, 12. I think referee Todd Franklin was as stunned as the rest of us.
Winner: Beno in 5.12
Forsaken vs. Sky Ryder
And after that opening stunner, comes another. Blood crazed undead creature or Marilyn Manson fan who just takes things a little too seriously – you decide. Sky Ryder, accompanied to the ring by his manager/handler/wrangler/cousin Death Ryder proceeded to give Forsaken a wrestling lesson, if by wrestling we mean blood letting on a Biblical scale. I don’t know if this match was officially declared hardcore but I can think of no other word for it, unless we count ‘polysanguinous’ The ref called a halt at 8.14 to save Forsaken from severe injury. That was about 8.10 too late.
Winner: Sky Ryder in 8.14
Blade LaVigne vs. Nick Comoroto
In a major tactically genius maneuver, Blade Lavigne turned up to the ring for this match. Nick Comoroto had no answer to this sort of onslaught and, after a dignified silence lasting 10 seconds while referee Kenny Mitchell counted Comoroto out, Lavigne was declared the winner.
Winner: Blade Lavigne in 0.10
Tank vs. Mike Corral
Tank brought his variable tag team form into this match with the Extreme Luchador, Mike Corral, recovered from last week’s nasty toe stub. Luckily for Tank, there was once again little evidence of anything extreme from Corral other than his choice of wrestling pants. Cobalt blue, our fashion correspondent, Jess Edwards tells me. Tank rolled over Corral like a Panzer division across neutral Belgium in 1939 and Corral put up much the same resistance as Belgium did. A simple Dropkick to the Knee did as much damage as anything else and Corral rolled over like a well paid whore for Tank to secure victory with a pin.
Winner: Tank in 4.42
Tina vs. Marilyn Lee Cross
This match was advertised as a Bathroom Break Women’s Match, but we here at WPW feel we cannot condone masturbation as the Surgeon General has determined that it will make you go blind, if the sight of Tina Bee hasn’t already caused this terrible affliction. So, no ‘bathroom break’ for you young lads. Instead, let me tell you about the awful treatment wreaked upon Miss Cross by the vengeful Tina and her TV star friend, Connie, recently released from the Big Brother house as irregular voting patterns were revealed. Tina body splashed Marilyn early on and the referee was knocked out by the shock wave. This allowed a run-in by Connie to deafening retching in the crowd. The reunited Bees then subjected Marilyn to a Fish Supper – that’s a Bronco Buster with extra batter – before the ref recovered, Connie exited the ring and Tina pinned Marilyn. Breathtaking. Literally.
Winner: Tina Bee in 7.50
Ben Whyndam vs. Vengeance
Unlucky in last week’s 6 man tag contest, Whyndam came to this match a possible favorite, but the reborn Vengeance proved a tough prospect and soon used his greater size to advantage with a series of clubbing blows to which Whyndam had no answer. Eschewing (that’s a great word, eschewing. I think everyone should try and use it somewhere in the course of the next week and report back on how it goes. Not you, Mike. Stick to something simpler, like……cat) his usual terrible vengeance, the wrestler seems to take pity on Whyndam and finishes it in 6.33 with a ‘Rest in Peace’
Winner: Vengeance in 6.33
Andrew Xavier vs. Jak Montoya
After an impressive debut, Montoya looked to capitalize on his good form by facing Andrew Xavier, the ex New Age Champion who is suddenly looking very old age indeed. Xavier’s mind was clearly on other things as the cocky Cuban Montoya threw him about the ring with little thought for the former champion’s reputation. The Bullet from Barcoa ended this one without Xavier landing so much as a punch.
Winner: Montoya in 7.11
Montoya celebrated in the ring for several minutes afterwards until interrupted by guest ring announcer Jess Edwards who made an eloquent plea as to the whereabouts of intended bridegroom, Mike Adams, last seen at a riotous Stag Party last night in downtown Greenwood. Commissioner Jokester was then seen making a guilty exit through the diva’s locker room. Whether he was looking guilty because he was aware of Mike Adams’ fate, or whether it was the bulge of tonight’s door receipts in his pocket, is not currently known.
This has been a WPW/legendaryken co-production. I’ve been Walter Wallcarpeting and you’ve been someone else. CU Next Tuesday for TNT!
July 15th, 2007
Paradise Interprises
Greenwood, Florida
The Main Man vs. Beno
Tonight’s show is brought to you by Wickedpedia, the highly inaccurate online information resource and by Trojan condoms, fresh from their highly successful involvement in the Mike Adams stag party. First match tonight sees the return of Michael Maddox, the Main Man against the man who cannot win – Beno. Well, guess what, sportsmen everywhere – Beno won. Yes, that’s right. Hell has frozen over, Elvis has been found very much alive and Rosie O’Donnell is looking quite attractive these days. I’ll repeat that scoreline. Beno won. The Beno Bomb connected for once and the Main Man was rendered speechless, his shoulders being held to the mat for a count of 12. Yes, 12. I think referee Todd Franklin was as stunned as the rest of us.
Winner: Beno in 5.12
Forsaken vs. Sky Ryder
And after that opening stunner, comes another. Blood crazed undead creature or Marilyn Manson fan who just takes things a little too seriously – you decide. Sky Ryder, accompanied to the ring by his manager/handler/wrangler/cousin Death Ryder proceeded to give Forsaken a wrestling lesson, if by wrestling we mean blood letting on a Biblical scale. I don’t know if this match was officially declared hardcore but I can think of no other word for it, unless we count ‘polysanguinous’ The ref called a halt at 8.14 to save Forsaken from severe injury. That was about 8.10 too late.
Winner: Sky Ryder in 8.14
Blade LaVigne vs. Nick Comoroto
In a major tactically genius maneuver, Blade Lavigne turned up to the ring for this match. Nick Comoroto had no answer to this sort of onslaught and, after a dignified silence lasting 10 seconds while referee Kenny Mitchell counted Comoroto out, Lavigne was declared the winner.
Winner: Blade Lavigne in 0.10
Tank vs. Mike Corral
Tank brought his variable tag team form into this match with the Extreme Luchador, Mike Corral, recovered from last week’s nasty toe stub. Luckily for Tank, there was once again little evidence of anything extreme from Corral other than his choice of wrestling pants. Cobalt blue, our fashion correspondent, Jess Edwards tells me. Tank rolled over Corral like a Panzer division across neutral Belgium in 1939 and Corral put up much the same resistance as Belgium did. A simple Dropkick to the Knee did as much damage as anything else and Corral rolled over like a well paid whore for Tank to secure victory with a pin.
Winner: Tank in 4.42
Tina vs. Marilyn Lee Cross
This match was advertised as a Bathroom Break Women’s Match, but we here at WPW feel we cannot condone masturbation as the Surgeon General has determined that it will make you go blind, if the sight of Tina Bee hasn’t already caused this terrible affliction. So, no ‘bathroom break’ for you young lads. Instead, let me tell you about the awful treatment wreaked upon Miss Cross by the vengeful Tina and her TV star friend, Connie, recently released from the Big Brother house as irregular voting patterns were revealed. Tina body splashed Marilyn early on and the referee was knocked out by the shock wave. This allowed a run-in by Connie to deafening retching in the crowd. The reunited Bees then subjected Marilyn to a Fish Supper – that’s a Bronco Buster with extra batter – before the ref recovered, Connie exited the ring and Tina pinned Marilyn. Breathtaking. Literally.
Winner: Tina Bee in 7.50
Ben Whyndam vs. Vengeance
Unlucky in last week’s 6 man tag contest, Whyndam came to this match a possible favorite, but the reborn Vengeance proved a tough prospect and soon used his greater size to advantage with a series of clubbing blows to which Whyndam had no answer. Eschewing (that’s a great word, eschewing. I think everyone should try and use it somewhere in the course of the next week and report back on how it goes. Not you, Mike. Stick to something simpler, like……cat) his usual terrible vengeance, the wrestler seems to take pity on Whyndam and finishes it in 6.33 with a ‘Rest in Peace’
Winner: Vengeance in 6.33
Andrew Xavier vs. Jak Montoya
After an impressive debut, Montoya looked to capitalize on his good form by facing Andrew Xavier, the ex New Age Champion who is suddenly looking very old age indeed. Xavier’s mind was clearly on other things as the cocky Cuban Montoya threw him about the ring with little thought for the former champion’s reputation. The Bullet from Barcoa ended this one without Xavier landing so much as a punch.
Winner: Montoya in 7.11
Montoya celebrated in the ring for several minutes afterwards until interrupted by guest ring announcer Jess Edwards who made an eloquent plea as to the whereabouts of intended bridegroom, Mike Adams, last seen at a riotous Stag Party last night in downtown Greenwood. Commissioner Jokester was then seen making a guilty exit through the diva’s locker room. Whether he was looking guilty because he was aware of Mike Adams’ fate, or whether it was the bulge of tonight’s door receipts in his pocket, is not currently known.
This has been a WPW/legendaryken co-production. I’ve been Walter Wallcarpeting and you’ve been someone else. CU Next Tuesday for TNT!