The Judge
07-09-2007, 02:50 AM
Legendaryken Presents:
WPW Sunday Night Live!
July 8th, 2007
Bainbridge High school Gym
Bainbridge, Georgia
Welcome to this week’s LIVE!!! Which, in a bizarre decision by Carlos Gonzalez, clearly out of his brain on a combination of peyote and some other Mexican hallucinatory shit has been commissioned entirely by Jokester! Yes, the Jokester currently exploring his feminine side in a Dorothy outfit while searching for the truth behind the Wizard of Oz accompanied by his faithful hound Toto, sorry, Tank.First up tonight after some extremely disappointing pyro……well, we say pyro, it was the last sparklers in the packet now that word has reached us of the Nicaraguan Death Squad’s ransom demand for the safe return of the Dream. $2,000.00 plus any old porno DVDs we can spare. Pfffft. Do they think we’re made of money? Nah, it’s RIP the Dream (probably) and on with the show….first up, it’s
Super Sexy Girl vs. Vengeance
What could have been the match of the night is prefaced by a clearly drunk Super Sexy Girl insisting on being given the mic. Close to tears, she thanks the crowd for all the love (and when we say love, we think she means rough and imaginative sex) they have given her during her time in WPW. Unfortunately, due to a persistent STD (mic shorted out at that point – might have been some other reason) she is having to take some time out of wrestling and so forfeits her match. She lies down on the ground like the pro that she is and invites Vengeance to pin her. That’s PIN her. A cleaner cut Vengeance than usual indicates that this is not how he wants to win, but SSG insists and so Vengeance takes it in 0.03. New record?
Winner: Vengeance
Jackson Strong & Brent Richards vs. Damian Wreck & Alberto Paniro
Impressive debut by Strong and Richards, collectively known as the Corporation, who proceeded to tear Wreck and Paniro new orifices like some sort of pin sharp origami demonstration. Wreck, perennial WPW underachiever, did nothing to remove that tag and was pinned by a well-named Strong in 4.58. Let’s see how you do against a real tag team next time, boys, eh?
Winners: The Corporation
Phill Bennett vs. SiNN
SiNN has been rumored to be trawling the delis of upstate Florida in a search for a new manager to replace his once loved, yet rancid maggoty HAM. Boy, does he need it on this showing. Phill Bennett has clearly been borrowing from his brother’s playbook with some twisty suplexes and a chair shot while the referee was down. Clearly, the loss of the God Of Live title still haunts him as he does some God Like Poses. Humiliatingly, the telling blow is a simple Elbow Drop, which knocks SiNN unconscious and leads to an easy cover in 6.12. Disappointingly, it is another 6.12 before the paramedics realize that SiNN isn’t faking and cart him out of the ring.
Winner: Phill Bennett
James Moriarty Cassius & The Judge vs. Justin Dreamer & Nick Comoroto
The crowd anticipation before this one is all about whether Comoroto will make the starting line and whether JMC’s loyalties still lie with Royalty. Royalist or Republican? Democrat or Monster Raving Loony? Hillary Clinton or George Clinton? P Funk or P Diddy? Judge or Jury? Truth or Dare? None of these questions are answered tonight however, apart from the Comoroto one. Rumored to be holed up in the same Nicaraguan jail cell as the Dream, Como doesn’t even send a note of apology, leaving Judge and JMC to toy with Dreamer. Dreamer, to be fair makes a go of it, landing a top rope moonsault on JMC, and has the Judge down for a two count, but the superior numbers begin to tell and Dreamer eventually falls asleep to a JMC Soliloquy, no, that should read he is pinned following a JMC Soliloquy in 10.07. Impressive stuff and no doubt these two will be back on TNT soon after Carlos Gonzalez is seen nodding approval at the top of the entrance ramp.
Winners: Royalty lackeys the Judge and JMC
Forsaken vs. Blade LaVigne
Forsaken runs through Lavigne like a Vindaloo Curry through the Jokester’s digestive system and soon has him in a complicated Japanese Submission move that we were too slow to look up in the Bumper Book of Complicated Japanese Submission Moves (illustrated by Gary Trudeau, fact fans!) Lavigne shouts a lot but gives up in 2.52
Winner: Forsaken
Jak Montoya vs. T-Dog
Well, it says here that Jak Montoya once beat the Jokester, but I find that very hard to believe. So does T-Dog apparently as he turns up late with a case of Jack Daniels and a nasty rash. Neither are much use as Montoya flattens him with a nasty Missile Drop Kick and a severe case of halitosis. 1.45
Winner: Jak Montoya
Unit vs. Mike Adams
Unit is a revelation tonight as he reveals whole new levels of skill hitherto unsuspected as being in his armory. Suplex after suplex is followed by triple somersaulted Moonsaults and Shooting Star Presses. Adams begs for mercy, but the referee Todd Franklin is distracted by an itchy crotch (SSG has left him something to remember her by) and doesn’t spot Adams frantically banging on the mat. Unit finally puts Adams out of his mercy at 12.10 with a one man Dudley Death Drop through a table.
That’s what I’d like to think happened, but apparently Adams pinned Unit in 1.27 after some of his usual crap.
Winner: Mike Adams
Mykal Adams vs. Brock Goodman
Match of the night, it says here, but what does long time viewer M. Adams (no relation) know? Common sense tells us that the seasoned vet Mykal Adams, cultured and skilled should have easily disposed of his one time Ladykiller partner Goodman, but Goodman used his superior strength to take this one in 8.12. Events after the match suggested that this one isn’t over though and both men brawled their way backstage before being separated by a naked Tina Bee. Pictures, luckily, not available.
Winner: Brock Goodman
Jess Edwards & Amanda Rhyme vs. Stephanie O'Donnell & Sophie Cassius
Dear God, will this never end? One time Jokester girlfriend, Stephanie O’Donnell, used her influence with tonight’s commissioner to ensure that this match was a bra n panties match and then turned up in full boiler suit and welding gloves. The soon to be Mrs Adams was soon down to her split crotch panties and pink tasseled bra, and that was even before the bell had rung! Some wrestling ensued, but who gives a fuck about that when you’ve got some fine totty in the ring. Mmm mmm. Finger lickin’ good. Oh, yeah, there was some Hair Pulling Takedowns. I had to say that otherwise you would have Ethan Frost back in this section next week, and nobody wants that. Do they?
Steph and Soph in 22.01
The One vs. Mike Corral
The extreme luchador stubs a toe getting into the ring and proceedings have to be halted while medics deal with the injury. Corral bravely holds back the tears while the One does indeed phone in his performance and ends the night with a God Like Drop in 57 seconds. Some of the crowd demand their money back but flee the arena as the still naked Tina Bee climbs into the ring.
The One in 0:57
Jokester slams the door on the last man out and is heard muttering about getting back on that yellow brick road before the proper show on Tuesday night. I’ve been your announcer Walter Wallcarpeting and you’ve been an audience. Good night.
This has been a Legendaryken production...
WPW Sunday Night Live!
July 8th, 2007
Bainbridge High school Gym
Bainbridge, Georgia
Welcome to this week’s LIVE!!! Which, in a bizarre decision by Carlos Gonzalez, clearly out of his brain on a combination of peyote and some other Mexican hallucinatory shit has been commissioned entirely by Jokester! Yes, the Jokester currently exploring his feminine side in a Dorothy outfit while searching for the truth behind the Wizard of Oz accompanied by his faithful hound Toto, sorry, Tank.First up tonight after some extremely disappointing pyro……well, we say pyro, it was the last sparklers in the packet now that word has reached us of the Nicaraguan Death Squad’s ransom demand for the safe return of the Dream. $2,000.00 plus any old porno DVDs we can spare. Pfffft. Do they think we’re made of money? Nah, it’s RIP the Dream (probably) and on with the show….first up, it’s
Super Sexy Girl vs. Vengeance
What could have been the match of the night is prefaced by a clearly drunk Super Sexy Girl insisting on being given the mic. Close to tears, she thanks the crowd for all the love (and when we say love, we think she means rough and imaginative sex) they have given her during her time in WPW. Unfortunately, due to a persistent STD (mic shorted out at that point – might have been some other reason) she is having to take some time out of wrestling and so forfeits her match. She lies down on the ground like the pro that she is and invites Vengeance to pin her. That’s PIN her. A cleaner cut Vengeance than usual indicates that this is not how he wants to win, but SSG insists and so Vengeance takes it in 0.03. New record?
Winner: Vengeance
Jackson Strong & Brent Richards vs. Damian Wreck & Alberto Paniro
Impressive debut by Strong and Richards, collectively known as the Corporation, who proceeded to tear Wreck and Paniro new orifices like some sort of pin sharp origami demonstration. Wreck, perennial WPW underachiever, did nothing to remove that tag and was pinned by a well-named Strong in 4.58. Let’s see how you do against a real tag team next time, boys, eh?
Winners: The Corporation
Phill Bennett vs. SiNN
SiNN has been rumored to be trawling the delis of upstate Florida in a search for a new manager to replace his once loved, yet rancid maggoty HAM. Boy, does he need it on this showing. Phill Bennett has clearly been borrowing from his brother’s playbook with some twisty suplexes and a chair shot while the referee was down. Clearly, the loss of the God Of Live title still haunts him as he does some God Like Poses. Humiliatingly, the telling blow is a simple Elbow Drop, which knocks SiNN unconscious and leads to an easy cover in 6.12. Disappointingly, it is another 6.12 before the paramedics realize that SiNN isn’t faking and cart him out of the ring.
Winner: Phill Bennett
James Moriarty Cassius & The Judge vs. Justin Dreamer & Nick Comoroto
The crowd anticipation before this one is all about whether Comoroto will make the starting line and whether JMC’s loyalties still lie with Royalty. Royalist or Republican? Democrat or Monster Raving Loony? Hillary Clinton or George Clinton? P Funk or P Diddy? Judge or Jury? Truth or Dare? None of these questions are answered tonight however, apart from the Comoroto one. Rumored to be holed up in the same Nicaraguan jail cell as the Dream, Como doesn’t even send a note of apology, leaving Judge and JMC to toy with Dreamer. Dreamer, to be fair makes a go of it, landing a top rope moonsault on JMC, and has the Judge down for a two count, but the superior numbers begin to tell and Dreamer eventually falls asleep to a JMC Soliloquy, no, that should read he is pinned following a JMC Soliloquy in 10.07. Impressive stuff and no doubt these two will be back on TNT soon after Carlos Gonzalez is seen nodding approval at the top of the entrance ramp.
Winners: Royalty lackeys the Judge and JMC
Forsaken vs. Blade LaVigne
Forsaken runs through Lavigne like a Vindaloo Curry through the Jokester’s digestive system and soon has him in a complicated Japanese Submission move that we were too slow to look up in the Bumper Book of Complicated Japanese Submission Moves (illustrated by Gary Trudeau, fact fans!) Lavigne shouts a lot but gives up in 2.52
Winner: Forsaken
Jak Montoya vs. T-Dog
Well, it says here that Jak Montoya once beat the Jokester, but I find that very hard to believe. So does T-Dog apparently as he turns up late with a case of Jack Daniels and a nasty rash. Neither are much use as Montoya flattens him with a nasty Missile Drop Kick and a severe case of halitosis. 1.45
Winner: Jak Montoya
Unit vs. Mike Adams
Unit is a revelation tonight as he reveals whole new levels of skill hitherto unsuspected as being in his armory. Suplex after suplex is followed by triple somersaulted Moonsaults and Shooting Star Presses. Adams begs for mercy, but the referee Todd Franklin is distracted by an itchy crotch (SSG has left him something to remember her by) and doesn’t spot Adams frantically banging on the mat. Unit finally puts Adams out of his mercy at 12.10 with a one man Dudley Death Drop through a table.
That’s what I’d like to think happened, but apparently Adams pinned Unit in 1.27 after some of his usual crap.
Winner: Mike Adams
Mykal Adams vs. Brock Goodman
Match of the night, it says here, but what does long time viewer M. Adams (no relation) know? Common sense tells us that the seasoned vet Mykal Adams, cultured and skilled should have easily disposed of his one time Ladykiller partner Goodman, but Goodman used his superior strength to take this one in 8.12. Events after the match suggested that this one isn’t over though and both men brawled their way backstage before being separated by a naked Tina Bee. Pictures, luckily, not available.
Winner: Brock Goodman
Jess Edwards & Amanda Rhyme vs. Stephanie O'Donnell & Sophie Cassius
Dear God, will this never end? One time Jokester girlfriend, Stephanie O’Donnell, used her influence with tonight’s commissioner to ensure that this match was a bra n panties match and then turned up in full boiler suit and welding gloves. The soon to be Mrs Adams was soon down to her split crotch panties and pink tasseled bra, and that was even before the bell had rung! Some wrestling ensued, but who gives a fuck about that when you’ve got some fine totty in the ring. Mmm mmm. Finger lickin’ good. Oh, yeah, there was some Hair Pulling Takedowns. I had to say that otherwise you would have Ethan Frost back in this section next week, and nobody wants that. Do they?
Steph and Soph in 22.01
The One vs. Mike Corral
The extreme luchador stubs a toe getting into the ring and proceedings have to be halted while medics deal with the injury. Corral bravely holds back the tears while the One does indeed phone in his performance and ends the night with a God Like Drop in 57 seconds. Some of the crowd demand their money back but flee the arena as the still naked Tina Bee climbs into the ring.
The One in 0:57
Jokester slams the door on the last man out and is heard muttering about getting back on that yellow brick road before the proper show on Tuesday night. I’ve been your announcer Walter Wallcarpeting and you’ve been an audience. Good night.
This has been a Legendaryken production...